My wedding, AIBU?

[JustPearlLurker]

Hi there!
Long time lurker, first time poster! I am engaged and am super excited! Wedding is booked for next year and I couldnt be happier! I am a bit confused and would like to know if this is a thing and I am just out of touch. Wedding date is confirmed and it is the day of a friends husbands birthday. The friend in question has asked if I can get the people making my wedding cake to do a special cake just for his husband since it’s his big day and it will be missed otherwise by the wedding! My gut quite frankly is fuck off, he can have his special forty something birthday the day before or after our bloody wedding! Would appreciate some thoughts.
Many thanks

That's bonkers CF behaviour. Say absolutely not.

If it's someone's birthday then I would be happy for her to organise a small cake with a very brief mention during a speech, but not for you to organise it.

I'd say no but be prepared for her to stand up and tell everyone it's his special day too.

That’s the sort of situation where you send back three laugh emojis and say ‘Oh, good one, Chloe!’

Don't do this, it isn't about him or her. If she wants to do a cake later on at the reception she can do that if you don't mind.

Fairy cake with a candle in as a little jokey gesture - sure!

But no, Diane, I will not be asking them to make a 'happy 43rd birthday Pete' cake.

Nope!! It’s your special day!! And asking you to provide a cake for their birthday is true CF territory!!

I'd say no way - it's your wedding day & you only get married once (hopefully!).
I went to my DP's closest friend's wedding on my birthday and never told a soul. We celebrated my birthday the day after. I'd have hated them knowing tbh & I had a lovely time as DP drove & I had a glass or two of fizz!

It's yours and your fiancé's wedding. You shouldn't have anyone else's celebrations elbowing their way in. She's bonkers.

Did she offer to pay? Is it a big birthday? I think she's being extremely cheeky tbh.

Is this for real?!
Perhaps the best suggestion is they don't attend the wedding (have you actually officially invited them yet?)

You could get the groom to give him a mention and everyone sing to him at some point? But asking for a cake is not on.
if he wants a birthday party for his husband, he should organise that instead and not come to your wedding.

My friend had her birthday on my wedding day. My other friends got her a card which they put on her name place and tied a balloon to her chair (they asked me first but I was fine about it). I don't think he needs a special cake or a mention in the speeches. Surely lots of people won't know who he is anyway. Birthdays come every year and can be celebrated another day. Weddings, not so much.

@JustPearlLurker i think you would be very gracious to organise a fairy cake with one candle to mark his birthday during the party - after dinner and speeches of course but nothing more.

the way i see it. She is obviously a good friend since she is invited and presumably you want her at your wedding, plus it would be quite fun.

but nothing more absolutely not. So i would personally ask the wedding cake people to make one fairy cake and i would have a candle and thats it.

i would not want her to organise a cake (nor would i organise a cake) so you can still control the narrative.

Cheeky mare!

We had a friend with their birthday the same day as our wedding. We said happy birthday to him when we were chatting. End of.

I was going to suggest that you could arrange for a happy birthday song at some point, but actually I just think that would be embarrassing for him. Who wants to to look like a spoiled child at someone else's wedding?

Depending on how important the friendship is to you I would either say "Sorry, that won't be possible" +/- "We totally understand if you'd rather not attend so that you can celebrate his special birthday separately" or

"I'm afraid that the cake maker is fully booked and unable to do that. If you'd like to bring your own cake then we could sing happy birthday to him at the beginning of the speeches".

CF though

ABSOLUTELY NOT. This is so, so rude!! I went to a wedding once where the sister of the groom had her family bring her a birthday cake out and sing at her after the meal, and it was one of the most cringy, tacky and entirely inappropriate things I have ever witnessed. Although this same sister went on to complain that there wasn't party bags for her children... so bizarre.

My 60th was on my niece's wedding day, the bride's mother gave me a really lovely card, thanking me for attending the wedding on my "special" day.

Had not even considered not going - or making her wedding day in any way, shape, or form, about me...

I was bridesmaid where a guest's DH had his birthday on the same day. The guest TOLD the bride that they'd bring his cake along to the reception! They were insisting and the only way to put a stop to it was for the bride to say that the venue didn't allow outside food to be brought in.

I remember thinking how childish it was of the guest!

I seem to be going against the grain here, but I've been to at least two weddings that had a birthday cake and one where there was a wedding anniversary that also had a cake and a mention at the speeches. I don't see anything wrong with it. It's what, two minutes to wish somebody happy birthday out if your whole day?

What the actual fuck is wrong with your friend??? Of course YANBU!

A wedding day is for the bride and groom, I think anyone else should either keep their own celebratory event to themselves or just not attend the wedding. I wouldn’t even think singing happy birthday to someone other than the bride and groom was appropriate to be honest.

Can’t adults just appreciate that today is someone’s wedding day and be happy for them?

wtf he sounds like a spoilt child 😳