My wedding, AIBU?

[JustPearlLurker]

Hi there!
Long time lurker, first time poster! I am engaged and am super excited! Wedding is booked for next year and I couldnt be happier! I am a bit confused and would like to know if this is a thing and I am just out of touch. Wedding date is confirmed and it is the day of a friends husbands birthday. The friend in question has asked if I can get the people making my wedding cake to do a special cake just for his husband since it’s his big day and it will be missed otherwise by the wedding! My gut quite frankly is fuck off, he can have his special forty something birthday the day before or after our bloody wedding! Would appreciate some thoughts.
Many thanks

A grown ass adult who can't arrange their own cake and celebration on another day?! Ridiculous! If there was a child in the wedding party I would be inclined to do something. But an adult?! For a close friend and who knew quite a lot of the other guests I would be fine to wish them happy birthday in the speeches. But otherwise, get fucked!

Tell your friend to grow the fuck up

No you don't need to do this, he's being ridiculous and a bit precious! He can have his birthday celebration the day before or after!

My lovely niece got married on my birthday - it was a beautiful wedding and when she realised it was my birthday, she rushes to wish me happy birthday and I told her it was the best birthday I'd ever had ☺️

We had two guests whose birthday was on our wedding day, we got them gifts and everyone sang happy birthday! I wanted to acknowledge their day too, it feels mean not to mark it.

Slightly different situation, but my daughter was a flowergirl at her cousin's wedding, which also happened to be on her 9 th birthday. She got a special mention and thank you in the groom's speech. No cake though!

Well, we had someone with a birthday at our wedding. Also all the family that she had. We asked the restaurant to make a small cake, agreed on when it would be brought out, added it to the MC’s run sheet and had everyone sing happy birthday.

But, we weren’t asked. We were advised in discussion/chat over the months previous “oh, that’s her birthday” and we just did it.

I do always know when her birthday is and how old she is …

It would be a hard no from me.

Lol! I don't even think that you are joking! He is a grown man who is going to be 44 on the day of OP's wedding. It's not even a milestone birthday and if he and his wife are so precious about adult birthdays that they will be upset if his birthday isn't celebrated at OP's wedding, they can decline the invitation and celebrate his birthday at home.

I agree.

Tell her you wouldn’t wish for her husband to miss out on his special day and suggest she takes him to the local soft play centre instead of attending the wedding 😃

I would also say no to this. It's not even a milestone birthday. Your friend can celebrate privately with his DH before they arrive at the wedding and if the DH is so determined to have his birthday recognised then they can organise a party for the day after. I'd maybe say that you have other guest with special occasions on the day and it's not possible to accommodate everyone else's celebrations on what will be your, one-off, special day.

I bet he would be so embarrassed if his wife did this at your wedding

WTAF?!!

I’m afraid I must be a bitch as I wouldn’t lift a finger for someone else’s birthday at my wedding.

My response would be something along the lines of “Is he five? I’m not doing that.”

Stick a candle in his dessert

I speak as someone who thinks that most people go berserk about getting married - but he is being an absolute CF!

Dave has had a birthday more than 40 times in his life - and he can celebrate it any time he likes - but your wedding is YOUR day.

Dave's not a child - he's going to have to cope with not being made a fuss of at SOMEONE ELSE'S WEDDING.

No way. What a cheek.

If you cba, get the cake maker to give you a quote and send it to her. Guarantee it’ll be hundreds of pounds extra (wedding tax is real) and she’ll realise what a CF she’s being.

We got married last month and it was one of the groommen’s birthdays on our wedding day. We got him a gift bag filled with cute, jokey presents to put on his chair as a little surprise, and all the guests sang happy birthday to him during the speeches. He didn’t ask for this, his wife didn’t ask for this, but it was an appreciated gesture that didn’t take anything away from our special day.

What your friend is asking is completely unreasonable and cheeky. She’s making her husband sound like a spoiled child.

See this is it exactly. A wedding happens once. A birthday is annually. If it is s landmark birthday, decline the invitation.

I dont know why guests impose conditions on the couple getting married or try to get it their own way.

I was invited to a wedding of a colleague im not hugely close to and it was way up north because some family are there.

I realised it would be 5 hours in one direction either driving or on public transport. That's if everything goes to plan. I declined. It's too much.

I think people forget that you can decline an invitation if it doesnt suit rather than be rude and ask the couple to accommodate ridiculous requests.

Oh, Susan, who said he was invited?

🤣

They aren't kids.
He's getting to do something spectacular on his special day..ie go to your wedding.

I did get Happy Birthday sung to me at a very informal post-wedding party and it was fun but not my idea!

Our wedding was on the same day as a very close friend's 30th.
Just before we started the speeches, we had the staff to bring out a cake we'd bought him - it was a photo cake with a hilarious photo of him on it. Everyone sang Happy Birthday to him and he was given a pint on us too. It was a lovely addition to the day!

It was my favourite aunt’s 70th birthday on my wedding day. She and her family hadn’t mentioned it at all and would have been far too polite to do so, even though a 70th is a big milestone. Mum made a cake and we brought it out as a surprise and everyone sang happy birthday to her. She loved it and now she is long gone we have some nice photos of her blowing out her candles.

But that was entirely our choice and part of the pleasure was surprising her and making her feel special. It was the opposite of CF-ery, which your friend absolutely is.