My wedding, AIBU?

[JustPearlLurker]

Hi there!
Long time lurker, first time poster! I am engaged and am super excited! Wedding is booked for next year and I couldnt be happier! I am a bit confused and would like to know if this is a thing and I am just out of touch. Wedding date is confirmed and it is the day of a friends husbands birthday. The friend in question has asked if I can get the people making my wedding cake to do a special cake just for his husband since it’s his big day and it will be missed otherwise by the wedding! My gut quite frankly is fuck off, he can have his special forty something birthday the day before or after our bloody wedding! Would appreciate some thoughts.
Many thanks

I’d say, ‘Happy for you to bring along a cake and lead the happy birthday song just before we do the speeches’.

And if she pushes you to do the cake you just have to say, ‘That’s not in our budget but happy to sing along to happy birthday’.

Er, no. It was the best man’s birthday at our wedding. No fuss made, no mention of his birthday even (I found out afterwards), he was glad of a good party and catch up with friends.

I've been to 3 weddings that have fallen on my birthday (August baby). I would have been hugely embarrassed to have my birthday mentioned at somebody's wedding. It's their special day and nobody elses. I celebrated my birthday with my husband at another time. What a self-centred request from your friend.

I wouldn't organise a cake for him but I'd acknowledge it being his birthday.

At our wedding there was a couple celebrating their 25th anniversary and 2 people with a birthday. They all had mentions and we gave a bottle of champagne to the anniversary couple.

I don’t think that’s such a mad idea, it would be nice.

ETA mumsnetters hate birthdays.

I love the idea of doing a cupcake and then going really OTT about making a fuss for his 46th birthday, such a special day, his wife asked to mention it etc etc, but I'm petty.

My brother went to a wedding on his 30th. I think he got a shout out in a speech, but it really wasn't a big deal. We do always remember their wedding anniversary though 😊

What, no. Bonkers. I mean, stick a candle in his piece of cake, announce it and get people to sing happy birthday IF you feel like it. But fine if you don't.

My grandparents once went to a (fairly distant) relative's wedding on their anniversary - not a round number but a high one, about 58 I think. Bride and groom announced it and raised a glass and everyone sort of went "aah, how heartwarming" and congratulated them etc and then got on with the normal wedding stuff. So that was very sweet of bride and groom and also sort of appropriate (you know, long lasting happy marriages and all that). But it has to come from the bride and groom. And making someone else their own cake would be barking.

I cannot believe people are replying to this post saying it would be nice to do it, as if it is in anyway a normal request. Do adults seriously care this much about their birthdays that they demand an acknowledgement of it at someone else's wedding? It is not even a milestone birthday and he’s had 40 odd of them before. Bizarre. The cheek to ask the cake maker to make an extra cake at your expense!! Astounding.

@JustPearlLurker “My gut quite frankly is fuck off …” made me 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

When my daughter gets married in Jan 28 they are doing a joint celebration for a birthday - their dog's 10th
I would tell the 'friend' not to bother coming and celebrate with her manchild husband instead!

We did it, but it was DH nephew’s 21st. Did Happy Birthday & candles. Just a cake from M&S.

I would have done the same in your circumstances, a 21st is a bid deal.

In this situation I wouldn't though.

This reminds me of Catherine Tyldesley wanting free stuff for her birthday, then she asked them to also make a smaller cake for her husband. Whose birthday it actually was that day...

On our wedding day there were three birthdays of attendees - my bridesmaid’s husband, my mum’s friend (who helped make our wedding cake) and one of my best mate’s young son. At the end of his speech my husband made a little announcement about the birthday. The child (3) got a cake with a candle (a supermarket bought superhero cake) and we all sung happy birthday to him, we also gave him a little present. The 30 odd year old man got ‘there are a couple of pints paid for at the bar for you’ and my mum made a little cake for her friend who was invited to the evening do (along with few of my mums other close friends) and they sang happy birthday to her other little group with no fuss.

We mainly made a fuss of the 3 year old, because he was three and he’s one of my fav people in the world! If it was just the adults, we’d have quietly bought them a couple of drinks. No one asked us to do anything and they all accepted they could celebrate another day. Plus wedding was 1pm, they had the morning to do their family presents etc.

I wouldn't even respond to that and if she asked again, I'd just say "I thought you were joking?!".

No one does this.

We had a second cake at our wedding, but it was for my parents 25th wedding anniversary, as our wedding meant they didn’t have their own party. I thought it was great, but no way would I want a random guests birthday cake at my wedding!

We later celebrated our 25th with their 50th and I am only sad that Mum has not made it to our 40th/65th next month. (They had 63 years together)

My god daughter had her birthday on my wedding day so we left a card and small gift at her place setting and said happy birthday when chatting. No need for a big fuss, just a little recognition. Maybe a mention as part of the speeches if you feel that way inclined? A birthday and a wedding day should be able to co-exist without any drama or thunder stealing I think. It’s all a lovely celebration of the happy couple and the people they share their lives with.

It's not like he is at the wedding for breakfast too. She has all morning to give him a cake. I would just mutter something about finding out then never reply. She will realise it's nuts when she thinks about what she has said later.

Had two birthdays at my wedding…. Including a 1 yr old! My dad mentioned them quickly in the speeches but that was it. Would have understood if they didn’t want to come but they did.

A 43rd birthday? For a grown man? The most I'd do is during the night get the MC to sing happy birthday and stick a candle in the dessert!

If it was a close friend and special birthday I’d probably mark it in a small way but otherwise it’s just embarrassing for everyone.

I got married on my own birthday. My dad was happy because everyone singing happy birthday took up half of his speech time (he’s not a public speaker!)

By that logic, maybe if OP is so precious about her wedding and would be upset if every iota of attention wasn’t focused on her and her wedding, to the point that people she’s chosen to
celebrate with aren’t allowed a
minute out of a whole
day to acknowledge their own special occasion, then maybe she shouldn’t have other humans as wedding guests.

This happened to me and my DH. My brother got married on his 40th. We went out the night before for dinner and had a big party the following bank holiday. I didn’t even think about asking for anything special as it was their day. My brother did get everyone to sing HB birthday to DH which was very sweet.

It was a teenage relatives birthday on our wedding day, we offered to arrange a cake for him to celebrate, he politely declined as he could think of nothing worse.
Yes, it was "our day" spent with our nearest and dearest, of course we would like to celebrate their milestones too

Hilarious! I'm someone who thinks big weddings are a massive waste of money but if people want them and are willing to pay for them, that's entirely their decision. That said, hopefully a wedding is a one-off occasion unlike birthdays which happen every year. Most people stop making a massive fuss about them when they reach adulthood, milestone birthdays aside.

This is the 44th birthday of her friend's husband. Not her friend, not a close relation and not a child. The original request that the baker who is making OP's wedding cake should also make a birthday cake for this man is unreasonable to the point of delusion. This level of entitlement should not be pandered to in any way.