Husband is a boring bastard

[bosslady24]

Sorry but it’s true. He works full time and helps around the house but has no interest in family life, days out etc. We had a holiday this year that he was miserable for. Didn’t really want to leave the resort as it would be ‘too much hard work’ with our youngest. If ever he can get out of opting out of something he will. When he has our youngest on his own there are a select few activities he might do like the park or NT but would never dream of taking her to the cinema or swimming because it’s too difficult. Whenever I suggest getting in the car and going somewhere he will huff and claim he has too much to be doing at home or that he’s ill/tired/skint. I don’t want to be busy every weekend but feel as parents we have an obligation to do stuff with our kids when we can and give them a good childhood. He is just lazy and disinterested.

There is an age gap between us - he’s in his early 50s now with a 3 year old and I understand it’s difficult. In hindsight he probably didn’t fully appreciate what having a child later in life means. But she’s here now and I’m finding his lack of enthusiasm for anything quite a turn off. I have resolved to start doing things alone with dc (I have an older child from previous marriage) but I find it sad that I’m with someone who doesn’t share my values around this stuff.

Leaving isn’t an option for me at the moment but I just need to vent. If I bring this up with him he will list a load of excuses and/or sulk so it’s not worth it. It’s bank holiday coming up and I said I might take the dc away for a night and he is practically gleeful about the prospect of being left alone. I don’t get that opportunity because he’d never offer to take them anywhere himself.

I think his age is being used too much as an excuse here, and he’s being let off far too lightly!
I’d start suggesting getting him checked out if he’s that tired all the time, having a young child is knackering at any age, don’t get me wrong, age can be a factor but what’s he doing about it?
His behaviour is a choice, along with making doing anything other than what he wants, a battle, so the OP doesn’t bother & does it alone. Exactly what he wants, for her to pick up his slack.

Good grief! Over it as parents in 50’s? We became second time parents at 44 - and hubbo is fully involved hands on parent. He takes DD out on his own and even solely looked after two 6 year olds, and a 1 year old for 5 weeks when pushing 50 - after I had major operation. Men (and women) are perfectly capable of looking after kids in their 50’s and beyond (unless incapacitating health issues, which can happen at any age).
I feel for you - it sounds lonely and sad you all deserve so much more x

@Ponoka7 Because when you are a couple or a parent, you do things together?

Why?

Generally you marry someone you like and want to spend time with.
Because your children like family days out and you both enjoy the company of the family you've created. Are you a bot? Do you need human relationships explaining?

But I could also spend time doing things without my hypothetical partner, right?

Have you ever had an actual partner (not someone you just meet up with and shag)?

No - and trying to 'shag' someone outside of a relationship is unlikely to yield any success.

I'm mid 50s, do a manual job and I'm constantly tired. My ds is all grown up. I simply couldn't raise a child with my background level of tiredness. I'm on annual leave and have barely moved off the sofa for the last 4 days. This is just for balance. I love kids but they are exhausting. I raised mine as a single parent which probably burnt me out.