Sisters children and step child and our holiday

[FallingDream]

My parents moved back to my dad’s home country in March. We plan to visit them in October in the school holidays.

My sister has asked us if we will take her children and step child with us so that they get to see our parents but mainly to help with childcare as she and her partner have to work. Her partner is away with work that week and the week after.

My parents are ok with us bringing them all but I know it would end up with us looking after the youngest. Our children are 16 and 14 so we are at the stage where we can relax on holidays. My sisters kids are 15 and 13, step child is 7 so she still need looking after and more supervising.

Are we unreasonable not to take them with us or only take the older 2? We haven’t had a summer holiday this year so we were looking forward to relaxing holiday. We suggested just taking our nieces but got the usual stuff about treating them all the same. She’s not the same because she is 7 and needs looking after, and yes, also, she isn’t our niece so it is different.

DS can’t take the week off as she is too busy at work with a project at that time apparently. My husband says we may as well stay home if we aren’t going to be able to relax properly and it’s gone from something we were all looking forward to, to something that we don’t want to do. We are all reasonable happy to take our nieces as they don’t need looking after as such and they won’t change the vibe of the holiday.

My sister insists step child is ‘easy’ so we will be able to relax. That won’t be the case as I will feel very responsible for her and obviously she may miss her dad, my sister and her mum. She lives 50/50 between her mum and dad. Her mum is on holiday and this is her dad’s time. He’s away with work which annoys me more. I also find it strange that the little girls mum is fine with her coming away with us when we have only met her mum twice. I feel sorry for the little girl quite honestly, but we really want a break.

Sorry if it’s all a bit jumbled but hope I’ve explained it all. What do you think?

The universe really isn't listening. But if you want to believe in petty, silly things like that fine.

I wasn't aware the universe had a pair of ears.Which part of it is listening.The black holes, the stars, the dark matter 😅

Not ideal but could your parents come over here instead?

So you’re taking a weeks precious AL for a relaxing holiday with older kids/teens that don’t need much supervising, and are now expected to not relax, and look after a much younger child that will very much need supervising.
But your sister and the girls dad are not willing to use their AL to do the same? Strange that

How would that help? OP wouldn’t get a holiday and who would look after the 7 year old? OP doesn’t want to spend a week off looking after a 7 year old and her parents won’t be doing it as they weren’t going to be the ones doing it on the holiday away.

I also presume OP wants to see her parents new home?

Erm - why should SIX people adjust their holiday plans (ie OP and fam stay at home and GPs incur travel costs to come to the UK) because sister’s husband has to work and cannot parent his own child, who is completely unrelated to the other 6, in his allocated week?

I’m a step child by the way. It’s reality that you are treated differently and have to adjust your expectations. The Stepchild here has a second family, second parent, second opportunity for summer holidays. She’s not missing out and does not have to be treated the same as OP’s nieces by OP. That’s bloody daft.

I can’t believe OP was even entertaining this or battling with the guilt - am glad she has stepped back and said no. Sister and her DH need to sort this out. It is his responsibility and no one else’s. Thems the breaks, when you have kids and get divorced.

I think you have been more than fair by offering to take your nieces. It far too much to expect you to take a much younger unrelated child.

Be that as it may, that didn’t make you something you were not to people that were not related to you. As far as the niece goes, sure, you’re free to choose what you want to do. Equally, other people are free to choose differently.

I imagine the universe, if listening, isn’t concerning itself with petty grievances to care one way or the other.

This thread is insane. Only on MN, where any woman one who doesn't love a step-child wholeheartedly as much as their own birth children is the devil incarnate, would people SERIOUSLY be suggesting that the OP should alter and compromise her whole family's holiday to accommodate a step-child that isn't even hers!

Would you let your older dc go on a residential with school, or Guides / Scouts, or orchestra, or a sports team ?

As my oldest did camps away, my youngest would sometime say they wanted to go, but, as their parent, I'd just explain they couldn't, and distract them with something else.

A very odd take to think 7 year olds can do everything 15 yr olds can do.

“And yes, also she isn’t our niece so it is different “

took a while you got there OP

They are different though, I don’t know why that is a problem.

OP said her sister had another step child which none of them see now from a previous partner. That tends not to happen with your bio family, because there is a difference.

I’m almost always strongly against posts where one child is left out due to not being biologically related, but I’m completely on side with you in this situation, OP.

It’s more the fact that she’s 7, anyway. My DC is a teen, and I simply could not be arsed looking after a young child again. Especially not someone else’s. Especially not a child who I wasn’t close enough to, to feel comfortable telling off or leaving to their own devices for a bit or panicking if they cut their knee or cried because they were homesick.

Any hurt feelings for the 7 year old are entirely the fault of your sister and her partner who are being outrageous in their delegation of duties to you.

If I had booked a holiday and my DH was told by his work he needed to travel that week I’d have to cancel my holiday. Because I need my DH to get paid.
Absolutely agree with this example. But the difference is the child's parents are seperated and they have access arrangements. If Dad needs to work during his access then he needs to sort childcare... maybe sometimes that's the child's mother. But she surely can't be expected to cancel.a holiday (and more than likely lose out on money herself) because her ex can't sort his childcare out.

I don’t know why SM has to step-up the child has two parents.
I did initially say Dad... I included SM because she has chosen to have a life and build a blended family with dad. In that instance Dad and SM need to work out childcare arrangements for their household (i.e. 7 Yr old).

I don’t necessarily agree that just because you form a household with someone with a child you become responsible for working out childcare. In this case SM seems to have assumed that responsibility but it has led to quite an odd situation where her sister is being asked to take a 7 year of child abroad without either of her bio parents. And not only that the child’s mother essentially doesn’t know Op & her DH. Who is this day & age with all the concerns about safeguarding would agree to that?!

Is this a serious suggestion? 😬

No. We want a holiday. Also. who would look after the 7 year old? Are you suggesting I should have a week off work to look after my sisters step child and not be able to relax and enjoy my time with my parents. Also as a pp said, we want to see my parents house.

I assume no word from you sister?

Her Daddy should have taken time off for his time with his daughter shouldnt he! What would they have done with her if you were going on holiday somewhere else and not to see your parents? YANBU

Not yet. She has been in touch with our parents today to ask how much care they would be willing to help me out with for the 7 year old. I am presuming and hoping that was before I text her at lunchtime to say we would only take our nieces.

Help you out. The phrasing is interesting.

I thought her stance was the 7 year old was “easy”? You sound close to your sister but it would annoy me that she’s being so pushy.

Did she want you to treat her ex’s son like a nephew at the time?

That poor little girl. She must feel so unwanted and pushed around.

That’s what my husband said.

The child is 7, she won't know about negotiations going on between people she doesn't even know.

At this point I’d say sorry, not going to my parents and book elsewhere and go another time. Basically call her bluff. Yes you’ll all be disappointed, but she’s spoilt the entire trip now anyway.

It is unfair of your Sister to push this on to Mum and Dad.