How to overcome using childcare as coercive control.

[Emotionstorn]

Single mum to SEN child 7yo
dad piece of shit refusing to watch child so I can do anything

school holidays
I’m drowning
my mum asked me to the theatre tonight. he’s kicked off spat his dummy out and gone home leaving child here. Can’t go.
genuinely had enough. When does this get better when will I have a life and friends again

Have a set schedule and stick to it. Don't tell him what you are doing. Don't be home if he comes around with dc during his scheduled time.

Can u cut him out by paying for babysitters

but then the question is how does OP make him pay for those?

Joint account?

The only way to manage is building your life very quietly around the days he has the children. Never tell him anything at all or there will always be a reason as to why he can't have the children when you are doing something for you. Accept you won't have the freedom you deserve but build, build, build otherwise. It can be done - I managed it.

With an ex? Are you reading the same OP as me?

Sorry missed the single mum bit. But baby sitters can still be used

They aren’t free though or available at short notice

He doesn’t have child outside of for maybe 2 hours a week.

I’ve had to pay my mum for the ticket.

I just honestly don’t see the point in this life anymore. I can’t even go and pick my prescription up from the pharmacy by myself. Please can someone just tell me it gets better. I’m so overstimulated all of the time

Does your ex not have a place of his own where he looks after his DC, he always comes to your house?

Edited to add....
He must have if hes "gone home".

So why does he come to your place?

He lives with his mum. He sees child at mine because that’s what he does.

when does all this stop as I just can’t cope anymore
mymum is only surviving relative and she too is the opinion that she won’t babysit unless it’s for work. I work 2 days a week.

I regret having children I really really do

I'm not sure I'd leave my child with him, from what you say.

Does his mum not want any relationship with her grandchild?

Nearly back to school OP - would you qualify for any respite from the local authority longer term?

Babysitter might not be able to manage an SEN child.

Big hug for you op.
It will get better. Make yourself a cup of tea and do something nice just for yourself tonight xxx

do you have any good friends who could help with an hour or two of childcare for you? I’d do this happily for a friend in need xx

I would start by not allowing him contact at your house. If he wants to see his child, he has to do it elsewhere. At least then you get the house to yourself for a bit. He’ll probably stop seeing the child as a result but in a way that makes things easier as you’re also then not seeing him/ subject to his whims.

No friends was isolated in our relationship so lost them all. Don’t have any spare time for hobbies. Life is just work. Parent. Clean.

im so so depressed.

Does your ex have a job? Try mediation and failing that family courts.

My child’s sleep isn’t great atm w the holidays so I’m just exhausted. My mum wanted a break for the majority of the hols so I’ve used my annual leave up.

its just never ending
i I have to use my annual leave up for the 6 weeks to give my mum the break for child care I wfh the remaining 3 days a week so I’m working when child is in school then cleaning tidying etc sorting house out doin activities I have t done anything for me since she was born

Can mediation force em to see their kids properly

No, unfortunately.

No court can't force, no. However it depends on the type of issues you have. Mediation is optional for the other party then you get given a C100 form to apply to courts.

Is he actually capable of looking after his child and just being lazy? Or is he just not bothered about the welfare of his own child?