AIBU to feel hurt after my stepdaughter was edited out?

[Embod9947]

So I’ve just been on a big family holiday with my mum, brother, his partner, their kids, my sister and her family and me, my partner, my kids and my step daughter. On the holiday we did a number of family photos as due to distance we do not get together very often. One of the family photos was my mum with all the grandchildren, including my step daughter (who been in my life for 11 years, since she was 4). I’ve just discovered my sister and mum have edited the photo to remove my step daughter from it and then my mum posted it online. Am I unreasonable to be incredibly hurt by this?

Yes. I'd speak to her and ask why she would do that.

Is it possible she didn’t want to post sometime else’s child online maybe without permission from the child’s mother?

That's absolutely outrageous. I have a stepdaughter too. Cannot imagine my family doing that.

Awful of them.
As a grandparent I consider it my job to grandparent the children my children present me with as 'theirs' whether they gave birth to them or not. I only have my role because of the families they created and its not up to me accept or reject the children they include.

You said due to distance you don’t see each other often, how often has your mum seen your step daughter in 11 years? do they have much of a relationship?

I can see both sides. It's a hard thing to navigate, I wouldn't judge harshly if they are otherwise kind to your SD. Does SD have her other parent and grandparents, etc in her life? Or is she effectively with you and your family as her only parents and extended family?

I never post DSC online as I didnt want to have a conversation about permission with DH’s ex. He isn’t on SM so he never posted them, I didn’t want to go there, tbh. Too many potential issues.

Who on earth has voted YABU to this??

OP, this is outrageous, your poor DSD. I’d definitely be demanding an explanation.

Just to clarify my mum lives close to me and knows my step daughter well. She posted other photos from the trip that did include my stepdaughter just edited her out of the ‘grandkids’ picture

I love this 🥰

That is absolutely appalling! I would have it out with them immediately.

What is it with all these posts recently about families leaving out step children? Terrible.

How nasty. I’d tell her to edit the rest of my kids out of her ridiculous photo. What does she even have to gain by removing a child from a w.

Please consider that your mum may have thoughtlessly did this without any intended malice

Gosh that awful.

Im also from a large family as my mum
was 1 of 7!!!!

so the next generation is quite a number of us (19!).

Us 19 have step and foster kids as well as bio kids.

Not ever, not even once, has any photo excluded any of the children there who wanted to be in it. Regardless of how they came to be part of our family.

Well at least the editing took place after the photo was taken, not what used to happen with my eldest, they used to distract her so they could take photos with the DNA crew.

What a lovely way of looking at the families.

This is a lovely way of looking at it. I hope I feel like this if I become a grandmother

The bigger issue is posting pictures of children on the Internet.

That’s really mean. Different situation but I still remember when I was about 10/11 my stepdads mum, who I called nan and had known since I was tiny, introduced myself & my two “cousins” to a friend of hers - she said “these are my two grandchildren and this is my son’s wife’s daughter”. It was factual of course but I remember feeling sad at the realisation that she actually didn’t consider me a grandchild and felt a bit silly that i’d been calling her nan for all those years.

well the step daughter isn't blood. so yes in some photo's it's not appropriate to include her.

I’ve voted wrong- so sorry for skewing the votes.

utterly awful. Your poor SD

If your mum values her relationship with you and her step-grandaughter, she needs to understand how she is jeopardising it by doing something like this.

Unless she did it because of the didn'r-have-her-mum's-permission thing.

Disappointment would be understandable but I think hurt is a bit extreme.

If this has come as a surprise to you, which it sounds like it has, then it shows that your DSD is treated the same as the grandchildren when you are all together. That shows that your Mum has been kind and inclusive but despite that, you can’t expect her to see your DSD as the same as her biological grandchildren.

Parents who create blended families need to accept that not everyone will see things the same as they do. Your mum
has done nothing wrong and it is unfair to make her feel guilty for wanting a photo with her real grandchildren. Your DSD has her own grandparents.

Did one of her parents object to posting her photo online? Or maybe your mother realised that posting pix of an unrelated child online is a really bad idea.

I would not post my own kids' pix, much less unrelated ones.