AIBU to feel hurt after my stepdaughter was edited out?

[Embod9947]

So I’ve just been on a big family holiday with my mum, brother, his partner, their kids, my sister and her family and me, my partner, my kids and my step daughter. On the holiday we did a number of family photos as due to distance we do not get together very often. One of the family photos was my mum with all the grandchildren, including my step daughter (who been in my life for 11 years, since she was 4). I’ve just discovered my sister and mum have edited the photo to remove my step daughter from it and then my mum posted it online. Am I unreasonable to be incredibly hurt by this?

She wanted a picture with her grandchildren. Speak to her. You don't live close, so has there been time for any bonds to form? Also you aren't married? You aren't her Stepmother. I have treated two children in my family as blood relatives/grandchildren, to never see them again, when the relationship ended, or we had a slight falling out. I wouldn't do it again. It sounds as those she is recognised as your step DD and included at times.

What do you mean by “online”. Is that Facebook or something similar? I wouldn’t want my children’s pictures online. Is it that her mum hasn’t consented.

but yes still awful.

So she just wanted one photo of her actual grandchildren? I don't see the issue.

We do live close. It’s other members of the family that don’t. We see her most weekends. Marriage counts for nothing in my eyes. I was married…had 2 children and after our divorce his family had nothing to do with me or my children. My partner is different. He’s a brilliant father and his daughter and my children are very close. We are a family.

If it's the issue of being related, you haven't married your partner so their child is not your stepdaughter. Also, you see her as part of your family, but that doesn't mean your mother sees her as a grandchild.

Hurt that this wasn’t even discussed with me before she posted the picture. So I find out my stepdaughter has been removed by seeing it on SM.

Yes, could it be this?

This is always such a difficult thing to navigate.

My sister had x 3 step children.

Had a photoshoot with all the children when she had a baby.

My Mum didn’t want a photo up in her house of the 4 children. She wanted a solo photo of her grandchild.

Was she mean for wanting that?

My sister has now split with the father of the 4 children and hadn’t seen any of the step children since.

I'm surprised at OP's Mum posting photos of children on line. It's not safe.

But as regards editing OP's step daughter out of family photos: that's just plain nasty.

Oof that is really quite rude. No child step or other has to be in every photo but to edit her out? Not nice.

It would upset me

But one photo in the whole scheme of life... Nah. Day to day help and support is more important than one picture.

If day to day is a problem.then that would upset me. A picture for the fake social media...no.

you can just go back to the poll and click on the alternative option @DropEmOut

Gosh! It means that SDS realised, after this photo, that she was not a blood relative? And prior to that she did not realise it? How awful. You can pretend that your stepdaughter is the same to you as your biological children, but you can only keep up this game until a kidney donation is required and you have to choose between your biological and stepchildren (hypothetical scenario) or until there is only one parachute left, or until there is only one space left on the raft after Titanic goes down.
Thankfully, grandparents don't have to pretend because they had zero say in all your blended families, so I would leave them out of it. If they feel like having a photo with whomever they want, allow them. QEII was not bollocked when she released a photo of herself, Charles, William and George - I don't remember Charlotte and Louis howling and saying they felt excluded.

I tried! I’m on the app and can’t figure it out. Any ideas on how to do it?

thank you.

YANBU. For me, it would be a relationship breaker. I have a step son but I have had him in my life since 1, lived with since 2, he is now 15. Hasn't seen his biological mother in 10 years. Thankfully my close family see him so much as mine, my mum even forgot last year as mentioned something about our families ethnicity to him and he had to remind her that it wasn't his!!!

I did have some extended family send my biological son presents for Christmas when he was born, I thanked them but explained I had 2 children and although grateful, if they couldn't send both presents, then we would rather receive none!

I was cut out of a photo with my mum and half siblings to be given as a gift to my stepdad (not my my mum) and he was the man who raised me from 7 years old. It hurt!

Some people just don't get it. My in laws could never understand me, taking on a child and treating him as my own when we had no biological connection and treated their step grandchildren as very different! I got so much critism. Made no sense. Would they prefer I singled him out? They could never get their head around it.

Why should she need to discuss what she posts on social media with you if she already knows you don’t mind pictures of your children going up?

These threads make me so sad. I feel very fortunate that the stepparents who met me at 4 don't treat me the way some people's families treat little children. YANBU, OP.

Your mother treats your stepdaughter well, but she’s not her grandchild. You are being unreasonable to expect your mother to feel that way about her. You can be hurt, but your mother hasn’t done anything wrong by wanting a photo of just her grandchildren.

I know she’s been in your life a long time but if you split up with her dad your family probably won’t ever see her again. Several examples of this happening already shared on this thread. It’s like putting a siblings new partner on the end of the line in a photo so you can crop them out if necessary.

Your mum wants one photo of just her grandchildren. She’s not pretending SD doesn’t exist or treating her cruelly. She just wants one single photo of her actual grandkids. She hasn’t done anything wrong.

I’m sorry but she isn’t a grandchild.

They played polite by having the full photo taken for granny who then has the original and the edited version.

You picked to make a blended family the rest of the family did not.

If the OP had adopted her children would it be ok to edit them out as they aren’t blood? Or would that be a fucking awful thing to do….

What a horrible post.

No one is talking about kidneys or blood donors - this is about a child who’s going to feel unwanted. And a stepmum who loves her.

Unreasonable in that SD is not your mum's biological daughter and your mum probably did not want to field questions about your SDs exact relationship to her on SM. Or there may be some other good reason why she did this. Have you asked?

Reasonable in that if your mum wanted a photo with only the biological kids, she should have taken one rather than edit SD out.

But ultimately SD has her own mother and maternal family, which your other children don't belong to.

Does SD follow your mother on social media?

This argument is so so so fucking OLD.

An adopted child the parent has legal responsibilities and rights. A step child zero. Divorce or die. Never see a step again most likely.

Jesus, some of these replies! I’d be utterly furious and beyond disappointed if any of my family did this to my SC. And they absolutely wouldn’t. If they did, I’d jettison them from my life faster than you can say “horrible twat”.