To think this comment from manager was completely inappropriate

[Banannanana]

I was eating a cake at work having eaten a sandwich and a donut four hours earlier. This is over the course of a 8 hour shift. My manager came in today and said “all you’ve done today is stuff your face” and laughed. He is a jokey type of guy always but AIBU to think this is too far? He’s a 50ish yo man and me a mid 20s woman for context. It massively upset me as I have previous issues with weight and eating (which he wasn’t to know). How do I raise this?

Struggling to explain why it’s hurt me so much as when I told my work friends they just went “oh yeah its a bit much but probably banter” so how do I put into words why I’m so
upset?

Best way to manage things like this to retort something crude back.

Perhaps when ever he sees you, you are eating. Cake and a donut in one day is not the healthiest.

No I don’t think it was on a par at all. Jumping to conclusions much?

It was you who brought up the shoddy behaviour you had endured 30 years ago and said that op should be prepared to put up with this rude comment because you have endured far worse.

Utterly ludicrous.

That's not the point. Adults should be free to eat what they choose without jokes.

It's like some people were just never taught good manners!

Turn it back on him.

"What do you like to eat Steve? Sardines and laxatives is it?"

Embarrass him.

Sardines and laxatives?

I don't get it.

Did make me laugh a bit though!

Exactly. It's the height of rudeness to comment on someone's eating, what they're eating, how they're eating, how often they eat etc.

I have had to endure similar shitty comments in the past from people who think they're funny, or that I NEED to hear their comments about my eating... People I know - and people I don't know. Comments like 'fucking hell, you hoovered that up' and 'Jeeeezuz YOU know how to put it away!' and 'never seen a woman eat so much!' (from men AND women!) Always when I wasn't even eating that much. It was just a way to put me down.

One woman who used to work with DH took a disliking to me for some reason... We went out on colleagues nights out 4-5 times a year, (his colleagues) and sometimes we had a meal, and she would say 'Bloody hell Ginger, you won't be able to get out of the door if you eat much more.' and 'watch that waistline ginger, you'll need your jaws wiring up if you're not careful.' Again, when I wasn't even eating a lot.

A couple of people said 'blimey Helen, no need for that,' including DH - but she'd just say 'oh I'm only joking, Ginger is so sensitive!' I hadn't even complained (although I was fucked off) it was a couple of others telling her to shut up and stop it. I rarely eat outside of the house now because of this - except in the privacy of the car... (and occasionally at cafes and restaurants with DH.) I also refused to go on any more employee nights out as long as Helen is there after the third time she said something to me. Luckily she left 2 months ago.

Also, I was out one day at a shopping centre 20 miles from me doing some Christmas shopping last November, and I had only had a small bowl of cereal at 7am and it was 2pm. I had a cheese and cucumber sandwich from a local eatery, and was tucking into it on a bench, and some middle aged man I didn't even fucking know, sat next to me and said 'you'll get ever so fat eating that!' I just looked at him for 3-4 seconds, rolled my eyes and moved to another bench. He looked shocked that I had moved and said loudly 'can't say anything these days, world of fragile snowflakes I swear.' You don't have to be a fragile snowflake to not want some random arsehole coming up to you in public telling you that you'll get 'ever so fat' from eating a sandwich!!!

I did want to say 'who the fuck do you think you are commenting on some random womans lunch and telling her she will get very fat by fucking eating a sandwich for lunch you fuckwit?' But I ignored him, carried on reading my magazine, and felt grateful I wasn't married to the opinionated arsewipe...

He was joking and probably trying to bond with you, but it sounds like something within you needs to be healed ❤️

That has a malicious tone definitely - you were right to be annoyed.

You’re the one who brought it up as a comparison for how she “wouldn’t have survived”.

Maybe have a think about how and why assault in the workplace became unacceptable.

I get called Horrace at work because I eat like a pig and eat anything on offer. It’s always been a long running joke started 17 years ago. I’m not weight conscious though and give as good as I get so no, this wouldn’t bother me at all. You need to be more upset at your lack of resilience. Just move on and stop being so triggered.

So my question was deleted because I said we are expected to read the minds of people and know their backstory before making comments.

Real nice, MN. Maybe get the porn bots first and then come at me for being sensible.

i think you need to get a grip OP

It seems that way. Not helped by everyone having anxiety 🙄

This - that way nobody will be offended

You need to learn how to say ‘fuck off, Darren.’

I've experienced this. Also from an older bloke, who didn't actually work in my office but would regularly turn up around the time I was eating (yes, I have a bad habit of eating at my desk).

It used to infuriate me. I initially laughed off the comments but as they got more frequent, it would make me rage. But what could I say, without being 'dramatic'? When I started saying to him "it's just my lunch" or "it's just my breakfast" he did actually stop.

He wasn't actually a horrible bloke but I ate outside of his eating times and he couldn't compute it.

Whether he could compute it or not, why on earth did this man think what you were eating, and when you were eating was his business? Nosey, intrusive, arrogant git. I would dispute 'he wasn't a horrible bloke.' Seems he couldn't stop himself commenting negatively on a woman eating at times HE didn't deem suitable. Maybe he isn't horrible, but he sure doesn't sound nice!

.

I would really take it to heart, I graze all day, it's fine in my office and I only take 15 minutes for lunch. " Stuffing your face ' is unnecessary

To raise a complaint with HR over this is ridiculous and you would be that person.
Move on and forget about it, who cares what a 50 yo man who likes to make a joke thinks?

Agree. It's a helpful skill in many ways.

I know the mature thing to do would be to have a chat quietly with him and ask him to not do it but wouldn't it be more fun to just make full eye contact whilst eating the cake in the most feral way you can manage? Then just walk past him without saying anything and never speak about it again.

Sympathies, I got a lot of comments on what I was eating as a younger woman too and it really grated.

I know this isn't the point, but now I've read the word cake so many times, I really fancy some. I'm going to make and orange and polenta cake, and make sone cream cheese icing for the top. Wish I could just imagine it into existence because now I need to move to make it (just back from gym and feeling unlike moving for a bit).

And I'll be eating two slices back to back without blinking, too.