To think this comment from manager was completely inappropriate

[Banannanana]

I was eating a cake at work having eaten a sandwich and a donut four hours earlier. This is over the course of a 8 hour shift. My manager came in today and said “all you’ve done today is stuff your face” and laughed. He is a jokey type of guy always but AIBU to think this is too far? He’s a 50ish yo man and me a mid 20s woman for context. It massively upset me as I have previous issues with weight and eating (which he wasn’t to know). How do I raise this?

Struggling to explain why it’s hurt me so much as when I told my work friends they just went “oh yeah its a bit much but probably banter” so how do I put into words why I’m so
upset?

I remember in my first job being told off for talking too much.
i was 18 and it really stung but it was true.
I was probably getting on the managers nerves.

Unfortunately @Banannanana your manager just happened on you when you were eating, it wasn’t kind of him but if he’s normally a good manager then I would let it go but have an answer if it happens again.

Why didn’t you just say, ‘Fuck off, Steve. Who made you the food police? ‘

What a weird, vile comment. Do you want praise?

This, if it happens again!

I don’t agree that you’re being over sensitive- stuffing your face is a horrible comment.

I would have just laughed to be honest and carried on eating.

It was clearly a joke, if you didn’t have issues with weight and food do you think you’d have reacted the same, or just joked back and said yes it’s hungry work or something,

A joke is a joke when it’s funny for everyone - clearly OP did not find this funny

There is a fine line between bullying and banter - jokes are better when they are clever not disguised as funny at someone’s expense and discomfort. No matter what…. The point is OP was upset. I’m not sure why it is considered not a good thing to be ‘sensitive’ - in this instance a bit more sensitivity from the manager would have been useful here

It was a horrible thing to say and if he does it again, I would tell him so, but it’s too late to do anything about it now.

I agree people shouldn't comment on what others eat, but if a comment like that makes you feel unsafe then it is time to toughen up a bit.

Just tell him he's not the food police.

Thats the way to do it. I would also say I have 3 more in my locker and Im going to eat them all as well. Then chuckle and carry on enjoying my cake.
But im in my 60s now and I tend not to look for offence where none is intended

He was a bit tactless, but I would let it go or either say something without being too rude, like it’s none of your beeswax.

Fwiw, if I had a brownie and a slice of cake at my age (near your manager’s age), it would be excessive, but my DS who’s your age, could eat 10 slices of cake and 10 brownies and not put on an ounce.

Men can be idiots,my ex employer once said he was disappointed when I told him I didn't wear skirts oh and then asked me out. I screenshot the message & used it as a form of reference for my next employer when they asked why did I quit my job.
I think in your case he thought he was being funny, maybe approach the subject but when he is on his own.

Nobody should ever comment on what anyone else is eating. Ever.

This is the perfect response.

This isnt at all similar!

And the correct response to the manager's comment would be to shove another slice in, while maintaining eye contact to establish dominance.

Yep, and if challenged just say it was 'banter' , like his comment was.

Yes it is rude and inappropriate.

I also bet he would not have said the same to a male colleague either.

I would have told him on the spot that I did appreciate on him commenting on what I eat...

If this is not a one of and becomes a pattern and he is singling you out from other employees with this type of 'jokes' make a note of each comment and when they happened and take it to HR.

I cannot for the life of me understand the comments on this thread that are criticising you...I am a manager and would never make such a comment to an employee. So sad that women are just encouraged to just accept that type of behaviour, which is still passed off as 'banter', from male managers and shut up in 2026.

You say he’s a jokey guy, it was a joke.
You’ve had eating issues so he touched a nerve. He didn’t know this so made a silly comment that I would’ve laughed off.
You wouldn’t have wanted to be in one of my old offices - it was banter all day long and we all loved it. Many workplaces are banter-filled cos it’s the way to get through the 8-hour slog. Obv bullying of any type should not be tolerated, but it doesn’t sound like it was of that nature.
Some people on here are far too sensitive for their own good imho (I’m in my 50s though so a dinosaur!).

There is no place for 'banter' in the workplace.

There is always a place for humour, conversation and fun.

Banter is just inappropriate personal comments made by socially inadequate people who haven't anything better to say. Banter isn't funny, it's usually a pointless observational remark of no value.

I have commented on a colleague eating before but not because I cared what she was eating but because she had enough breaks to be able to eat. She subjected the rest of us to her revolting eating noises, talking with mouth full of food, food all over her desk, stinking office out with food smells. Nobody needs to eat that much as well as usual meals. Eating at desks is now banned thankfully.

I have had comments from my manager about the portion size of what I take to work which is Greek yoghurt, fruit, oats and chia seeds. It is the only thing I eat all day, I weigh it all out and it isn't huge. There was no need to comment. I see what he eats and it's just so unhealthy!

Mostly because he’s her boss and there are very few workplaces where you can tell the boss to fuck off.

Google “upward management”, OP. In this situation I’d have raised me eyebrows with a slight smile on my face and said “bit rude”. Then asked a work-related question. Just state the boundary.

Of course the comment would have been made to a male colleague. No question at all.

I used to sit at a desk of four in an open plan office and one of the delightful youths had the table manners of a pig. One day while he was demolishing a cream cake my colleague said "Peter, are you eating that or wearing it?" I suppose he'd have been hauled in front of HR for that now. Funny (and effective) at the time though.

That does sound like a lot of cake in an eight-hour period…

I think comments on food are rude, and you never know what issues might be under the surface. Basically, it’s a can of worms that people at work shouldn’t open, particularly managers.