To think this comment from manager was completely inappropriate

[Banannanana]

I was eating a cake at work having eaten a sandwich and a donut four hours earlier. This is over the course of a 8 hour shift. My manager came in today and said “all you’ve done today is stuff your face” and laughed. He is a jokey type of guy always but AIBU to think this is too far? He’s a 50ish yo man and me a mid 20s woman for context. It massively upset me as I have previous issues with weight and eating (which he wasn’t to know). How do I raise this?

Struggling to explain why it’s hurt me so much as when I told my work friends they just went “oh yeah its a bit much but probably banter” so how do I put into words why I’m so
upset?

It just sounds like a joke to me. I've known someone to make a similar comment when they happen to come in two or three times to find a colleague doing the same thing - e.g., if they were making tea or lunch "You haven't left the kitchen all day, have you?" or if they were in meetings "You're hiding from me, aren't you?". Forget about it.

Thankfully it's not anymore. What's that got to do with the OP?

I used to work somewhere that was near a Gregg's, the amount of cream cakes, doughnuts and sausage rolls I consumed was ridiculous. No one was rude enough to comment and towards the end of my time there I was pregnant, so they wouldn't have dared!

Yes no jokes whatsoever. Someone always takes offence.

You won’t get far on MN with this sort of sensible and meadured Response @HatAndScarf33

I completely agree with this. Read it again op. And work Through the suggestions made.

I was waiting for someone to say something idiotic like this.

Well bullying is repetitive and intentional while this to the best of our knowledge was a one off joke.
As to jokes being funny to everyone except OP- if everyone else is laughing and you aren’t the first action would be to step back and take a 20:20 view - is this joke funny or am I being too sensitive? Invariably the answer is the latter.
This thread is a shining example of the growing lack of resilience in society.

Of course it was highly inappropriate and posters would be up in arms if an older female manager had said it, but misogyny is alive and well on these boards.

Are there any older supportive women you could complain to about his comments?

Assume he's a bit of an idiot and move on.

I don't understand the point of going over and over it in your mind. Dismiss him and get on with your job. Idiots are everywhere.

to be fair the worst people I’ve noticed for doing this at work are other women, usually with weight problems themselves

OP no he shouldn’t have set it but you need to just get over it. You’ll come across a lot of wankers in workplaces over your career and you need to develop a bit of resilience in dealing with them.

Inappropriate comment.

It is not acceptable for him to comment.

you only ate twice in an 8 hour shift which is normal BUT your choice of food isnt great at all. A cake a donut and bread isn't going to sit well. A bloke once commented to me at work that every time he saw me i was eating. Like you I was early 20’s, great shape and I was tbf quite often eating when he saw me at break times. I always had a handful of veg eg carrot sticks, celery sticks, cherry tomatoes, baby corn etc to nibble on throughout the day. Id say it is much healthier but the reason I always had veggie nibbles was because i was also quitting smoking at the time.

Id make a joke if I knew the person well and they were slim. If they were anything other than slim Id say nothing ( but Id definitely think it)

Oh god not you aswell?

Presumably OP isn't your 5 year old toddler and can choose her own food.

Roll eyes at you commenting this too... then move on.

Tell him you have an eating disorder where you have to take a bite every time he says something stupid. Unfortunately you ran out of doughnut and had to start on the cake.

I have worked with people who do nothing but shovel from the moment they get in. Breakfast bap. Or cereal at the desk ! Toast. Biscuits. Crisp bag gets opened. Tea and cakes. Oh then it is time for some lunch. Then more tea, more biscuits. Chocolate of course. Cakes someone has made. Endless eating. Daily. And of course chatting alongside.
Work sometimes seemed incidental. The place resembled more of a social club than a work place.

His comment wasn’t terribly professional but neither was it designed to hurt. If the office is anything like mine was he just sounds exasperated by being surrounded by people constantly eating.

You don't understand what resilience means.

It doesn't mean 'sits like doormat while people who have limited social skills make unfunny personal remarks'.

It's 2026. This type of shit belongs in the dustbin.

The comment wasn't a joke, it was an inappropriate personal remark.

Jokes are funny.

Does it mean “learn to make own rational judgements on typical workplace interactions without having to run to MN for validation”?

OP you can’t be offended by every thing someone says to you that you don’t like.

You don’t raise things like this and honestly you need to understand that running to your manager or HR is like running to your parents.

If this is the UK, well guess what banter is usual, normal and a sign of like - not trying to offend someone.

If it bothers you then say something. As an adult at work you are expected to do so in a professional manner. Any good manager would tell you to say something yourself.

My test as to whether I’m being a bit prickly is always - would they say it to a male colleague. I’ve had ooh you’ll get fat eating that - think it was a flapjack. Nope you’d not have said that to a bloke would you.

you’ll usually find the answer to that question is no. And they seem to be able to maintain work relationships with other men so it’s obviously not a thing you need to do, make comments like that. Just talk to me like a human being , don’t have different types of conversation based on my genitalia , we are at work.

My test of something is what is the attitude behind the words. Sometimes you have to have been there to understand how it was said. Only you will know.

I agree that this is completely unprofessional from a manager, but I don’t think there is much you can do about it unless it is a repeated pattern of derogatory comments that you have documented and could take to HR.

You could also simply tell him that you don’t welcome comments about your eating habits.

Maybe treat it as helpful feedback - you are eating a lot in the eyes of other people, could that be contributing to your unhappiness about your weight?

She’s right though, and the rest of her response is fair. I would eat a donut and a slice of cake in one week, not in one day (unless birthday/Christmas/holidays etc.) Somewhere we have forgotten what it is actually normal to eat over the past 20 years or so.

She’s upset because he said something awful
You wouldn’t like it if your boss told you all you do is stuff your face, so don’t act superior to OP.

It’s none of your business what people eat. I hope you’re not a manager.