Holiday or wedding?

[Holidayandwedding]

If your sisters wedding was booked for a time you were on a month long holiday that has taken a lot of planning, would you cancel the holiday or go to the wedding? The holiday includes our adult children, one who will just have finished A levels and one who will have just graduated, which is why we planned it for when we have. We have already planned and booked things to do, have concert tickets and have planned things with friends over there.

We have had the holiday booked for a while and the wedding date has only just been announced. We hadn’t told my family about the holiday yet as we were waiting til we saw them. When we saw them last week, they told us about the wedding straight away and then obviously we had to tell them it clashed with our holiday dates. My parents and sister can’t believe we are prepared to miss the wedding. Are we being unreasonable?

You don’t book a wedding without checking with your loved ones first! If you want them to attend. This is completely on them.

Sister didn't check dates beforehand, her oversight. Or maybe she just thought whatever anyone else had planned would come second.

I wouldn't cancel this holiday for her wedding. This holiday is for you and your kids and you already have things booked.

She should have checked availability of family she wanted there beforehand. Tell her that if she and your parents keep giving you grief. They think your priority should be your sister rather than your husband and kids.

If you wanted to compromise, you could fly back for the wedding but no way would I make everyone in your family miss a nice long holiday for a one day wedding.

I assume your sisters wedding wasn't a surprise? So if say it's your fault actually as you should have let them know.

Have you read all of OPs posts?

Team holiday.

DSis should have checked the dates first, this clash is all on her. You'll lose too much money changing dates if it's even possible to do so. Your mum needs to wind her neck in.

It's unfortunate but that's just how it goes sometimes! I'm sure you're sad to miss it but there's nothing you can do, end of.

They should have checked availability with anybody that they really wanted there/ wanted in the wedding party.

You can’t cancel the holiday. Just say it’s not doable and you’d lose thousands,

Most people would check availability of immediate family that they want at their wedding before booking it. I would go on the holiday.

If they've been engaged for six years and live together the wedding isn't really a great life event is it. It's just a day and then they will be back to normal.

Team holiday here too.
One of my DCs got married this summer; once they started to look at venues (12+ months prior), they let the 10 people that they absolutely wanted at the wedding know and made sure the date worked for all of them.

I remember when my DB got married, again on a very busy weekend, he did the same thing.

I’m sorry but why the hell should OP change her plans and concert plans because someone has decided to get married after 6yrs!!

Hell no! Not your fault OP at all do not change your bookings, your holiday and pre booked arrangements are nothing to do with them. You’re a grown ass person and you do not need approval from anyone.

go enjoy your break 🩷

This

Holiday. You can wish her well but be clear you can’t be there.
It’s presumably holiday dates you can all 4 do between uni graduation and A level results so not moveable. Assuming you’ve paid money you can’t get back. It’s a one in lifetime type holiday.
Your sister was silly to book without checking after 6 years.

Holiday without a doubt

I think this is your sister's fault really. We were engaged for 5 years so we checked the date we wanted to get married with family first and had to change our original date as not everyone could make the first date we chose.
Unless she is getting right at the start or end of your holiday in which case I'd go a couple of days late/come home a couple of days early then I'd ask if she'd consider changing the date. If they've waited 6 years surely waiting another month wouldn't make too much of a difference?

holiday wins

why didn’t she check the date with close family first?

I don’t think I’d cancel the holiday, your sister should have sounded out re dates

Given she’s been engaged for so long, she should have been the one checking people’s holiday plans. That said, it will permanently damage your relationship if you don’t go. I’d look how much to rearrange holiday. Assume concert tickets can be sold on. Not ideal, but guess you need to weigh up potential damage to your relationship.

This. You don't book your wedding before checking when the most important people are free. It's on them really.

If you have free cancellation/ flexibility to move things around, then look at what you can do. But I wouldn't cancel/ change dates if it would mean losing a lot of money.

Quick update, I offered to fly back for the wedding but they’re not happy with that as they want me here for the days before and they want all of us not just me. I’ve offered to help organise, go dress shopping and anything else that’s needed but none of that is good enough. There is nothing else I can do. They won’t accept that they should have told us they were looking at dates again, the date can’t be changed and they’ve hardly spoken to me since.

I'm sorry they are not accepting everything you are trying.

Not much more you can do

I hope they come to accept this is on them .

Bet the date could be changed but it'll cost them. They don't like that, but are fine with you losing money and your holiday. As @BlueMum16 said, not much you can do.

Surely your sister would have checked with all the family when she was booking the wedding ? How bizarre !

None of this is your fault and you’ve done everything you can to compromise and try and make it work. I’ll never understand how people can think their wedding should be a priority in everyone else’s life. You’ve done all you can and if they won’t accept it there’s not much you can do. Go and enjoy your holiday.

They’re taking the piss and this should reassure you 💯 that you should go ahead with your holiday . They are really selfish and your mother should know better!

This is on them.....engaged for 6 years, they can't expect people to run every holiday by them just in case they set a date!
You have done all you can.