Holiday or wedding?

[Holidayandwedding]

If your sisters wedding was booked for a time you were on a month long holiday that has taken a lot of planning, would you cancel the holiday or go to the wedding? The holiday includes our adult children, one who will just have finished A levels and one who will have just graduated, which is why we planned it for when we have. We have already planned and booked things to do, have concert tickets and have planned things with friends over there.

We have had the holiday booked for a while and the wedding date has only just been announced. We hadn’t told my family about the holiday yet as we were waiting til we saw them. When we saw them last week, they told us about the wedding straight away and then obviously we had to tell them it clashed with our holiday dates. My parents and sister can’t believe we are prepared to miss the wedding. Are we being unreasonable?

I wouldn't spend money on flights and take what might be quite a large chunk of time out of my holiday to fly back for the wedding.

And since the holiday involves adult children and other people, it's probably taken quite a lot of coordination to get everyone together at that time, so no, I wouldn't rearrange it. OP's friends might have booked holiday and accommodation too, which they'd have to change.

When they got engaged, it was the Xmas before Covid happened. They then talked about getting married in summer 2021, then Spring 2022 but they didn’t do it. When we booked summer holidays for 2022, I asked whether I should keep any annual leave back for a wedding and was told no. It hasn’t been mentioned since so we haven’t thought to run our holidays by them as it’s been so long now. We didn’t want to keep mentioning the wedding as for all we know, there was a problem. Surely when you have been engaged for that long, it should be them checking with family members.

It would be a complete nightmare to rearrange and some of it wouldn’t be able to happen.

My mum is in full on wedding mode and thinks our holiday doesn’t matter in comparison to a wedding. She thinks our holiday should be cancelled because ‘it’s your sisters wedding’.

It’s unfortunate but I wouldn’t cancel my holiday or even fly back as you have said it’s a long flight.

They should have discussed it with you before setting a date if they wanted you there.

I wouldn’t cancel my holiday for this. If you're that insistent on certain people attending your wedding then you check with them before you book. I didn’t have a big wedding so i’m not sure what it entails but surely at this early stage it would be easier to get the venue to change the date rather than change flights etc for a whole family 🤷‍♀️

Tricky one.

Holiday over wedding. Your sister chose last

I wouldn't cancel my holiday. If she was keen to have you, she should have checked that the dates worked. I can't imagine getting married without first checking that it was convenient for my immediate family to attend.

I'm team holiday. I can't imagine not checking first before scheduling a wedding. DH and I together have lots of siblings, some quite a distance from us who had to travel, and we checked with each of them before we set the date. It's just common sense, especially for people who have been engaged for six years.

Well OP, your mum is wrong on this one.

Golden rule of weddings... make sure that the people who MUST attend are available first (i.e. parents, siblings and so on). Your parents and sister aren't coming on your holiday, why would you need to consult with them first?

Presumably they've only just started the wedding arrangements - I would expect it to be easier to change those in all honesty.

I wouldn’t even consider cancelling my holiday in this situation.
Nor would I expect anyone to cancel for my wedding

Team Holiday all the way

if your sister has only just booked a Venue etc surely she can move it now without incurring lots of expense ?

I’d carry on with the holiday. If DSIS has just booked her wedding she can change it. She should have checked the date with everyone that she absolutely wanted there before making the final decision booking.

Holiday

It depends.

How much would it cost to cancel? What are the practical implications of cancelling? Can one or two of you return?

I don't think there's an obvious yes/no answer to this. I would be researching all of the options so I could be honest with my sister about my plans and the reasons for them.

What does your sister expect you to do? Put your plans on hold for six years? Given the length of the engagement, you would have been perfectly justified in assuming the wedding was never going to happen.

Holiday. Your sister should have checked with you and should be able to change the venue booking dates if she really wants you there.

Nobody's plans trump anothers. It's an unfortunate clash. If your plans cannot simply be changed, can theirs? Obviously they are under no obligation. Our date for getting married went back and forth a fair bit

In all honesty, no I wouldn’t cancel. It’s on your sister, she should have checked with you. All the posters saying you should have checked are batshit!! She hasn’t spoke about a wedding for 4 years. I wouldn’t be taking any bullshit from my family either! No guilt tripping no gaslighting, tough shit for your sister

Oh yeah absolutely they should have been saying they were actually looking to book.

if either of you had then there would be no clash…but enjoy your holiday, it’ll definitely be better than the wedding.

I wouldn't miss my sisters wedding but we are close. If you are less close you could offer to go shopping for her wedding dress with her and help organise hen night even if you won't be there on the day you will still be involved with the planning.

We missed my DHs oldest and closest brothers wedding as we had a holiday booked. Sad to miss it, but took them out for a nice meal after. They understood, and would have done the same. And it saved them few quid with us not being there.

No you are not, your holiday was booked before the wedding, it's not really something you can undo or change easily.

I’d go on the holiday. They should have checked close family were available before booking their wedding. If the venue has only just been booked then they may be able to change the date if they really want you there rather than making this your problem.