Made a promise I can’t deliver on

[Rulesforthesakeofrules]

I promised DD that she could get her ears pierced after primary school. Her new school doesn’t allow earrings. I’ve been told that studs need to be left in for eight weeks…so basically she can’t have them done until she leaves secondary school…or sits in isolation room for a fortnight after a summer holiday (another child and parent were told this). Transparent earrings or plasters over them aren’t allowed either. It’s a school that seems to pride itself on going further on petty dogma than other schools in the borough, but not going as far where more important stuff (clamping down on bullying, standard of teaching) is concerned.

Explain why and let her choose an alternative - jewellery, maybe some clip on ear cuffs will hit the spot.

She’d needs a different school. If that’s a priority for them, they’re missing the mark. It’s simply ridiculous.

And why?

She doesn’t want to cover them, I think she is worried she'll rip them off with the plaster. She has a very cautious personality.

Ok, that's fair enough. Your plan sounds like a good one, and you've planned ahead.
Good luck for her in yr11 👍

It really depends on the person. Mine took ages (and nearly closed up again a few times even though they should have been long healed)…

anyhow. I suppose over the summer holiday might work. 6 weeks of non-stop wear and wearing them over night as soon as school starts (if still necessary).

Why is the school being "petty"? Kids have to learn they can't always get what they want when they want. So you say no to her. You're the parent. Not even sure why she gets an alternative treat as others say.

I’d let her have them done. She can wear her hair down to cover see-through plastic studs.

My daughter had her seconds done a week before the six weeks started and just covered them with her hair until the holidays.

Could you buy her an ear piecing voucher that she can use when the time suits?

Goodness, a school that assumes every pupil will get detentions is one I would run a mile from. It just screams out that they are giving way over the top punishments for minor infringements, which is no way to achieve a good behavioural ethos. It must also become counter productive if it's so routine that there is no shame in having detention.

Alternatively, how about getting yourself onto the governors and working to change this from within?

What is this absolute obsession for girls having pierced ears? It's painful, common and pointless. I never have had mine done - why mutilate your body for a few cheap earrings?

My friend used to work at Claire’s, she said 6 weeks is fine.

Claires isn't exactly the holy grail of piercing!

My 13 year old had her ears pierced for the first time right at the start of the summer holidays this year. I deliberately scheduled it for then (booked months ago) as her school will not allow earrings to be left in during PE (not even taped) - they have to be removed completely. I thought that the holidays would be enough time for them to heal for her to be able to take them out for PE once she goes back in September.

But the very reputable piercer has said they shouldn’t be removed for 6-12 MONTHS! She said that it’s possible they may not go back in properly even after an hour of being out for PE. So now I am panicking about what she will do…

When I was in primary school, I was stood next to two friends messing around in the line, ones cardigan got caught in the earring of the other and ripped it straight through the earlobe. Yes it could happen anywhere but school don’t want to be dealing with that on their grounds. That’s why it’s banned.

“ I remember the time I couldn’t pierce my ears because the school wouldn’t allow it , I was very disappointed but it thought me resilience “ . 🙄.
please stop talking shite .

My daughter filed down until it was really thin a couple plastic see through disc earring l.
she then puts it in backward so the disc is at the back and secured it with a few dabs of lash glue.
this was only for the first week or two of term until she was sure they’d healed enough to put on and out. She’d been desperate for them doing all the way through primary and in year 8 she did it

Common? How old are you 100 + oh my now I’ve heard everything
that’s so pathetic is laughable…

Queen Victoria, that notoriously common woman ,had pierced ears. As did both Queen Elizabeths.

I have pierced ears because I like to wear diamonds in them.

I think that was pulled from “ The Guinness book of most bizarre statements “ .

As someone with a lot of piercings, seven just on my face, it’s not mutilation as much as decoration.

Piercings are fun, I remember begging my mother to let me get my nose pierced at eleven and she said pretty much the same as you, ears were the hard limit. By twelve she was taking me to the tattoo/piercing shop because I did it myself with a sewing needle and she preferred a professional see to it. I’ve always thought they were so pretty. It might be pointless, but only in the same way as makeup, jewellery, tattoos, hairstyles and fashion are pointless.

Calling it common is a whole other issue, it’s classism. I come from a ‘good’ family, was privately educated, I’m a teacher now, married, own a nice home and lead quite a middle class lifestyle by all accounts. I also have piercings and tattoos (on my hands even!) does that make me common?

Let girls and women express themselves I say.

Body/face/ear piercings have been done for at least 11,000 years.
I had my ears pierced at age 6, or 7. I was in grade 1. I barely remember it - I remember the shopping mall and the shop.
I had my double piercing done at 13, or 14 when I was in grade 8. I was supposed to buy a new top at the mall and I had my ears pierced instead.
I had the third ear piercing done around age 17, then a 4th on one side only.
I had a helix piercing (upper outer ear) done around age 22, that one was painful for a year, so I finally removed it and didn't try it again or get any other piercings after that.
I've now only got a double piercing on each side having decided to ket the others grow over. I rarely wear earrings, so even my current piercing have begun to close and I recently dug out a pair of lovely gold sleepers that I've worn for a couple of months.

It is unfathomable to me that a basic single ear piercing would be looked down upon by people and forbidden by schools in 2026.
Some people, and cultures, pierce girls' ears when they are babies.
My neighbour had her daughter's ears pierced around age 2, if not earlier. That aside, I think a teen girl (or boy) can make that choice for herself, but the schools should butt out and stick to teaching.

I think you need to explain the new circumstances to your DD. It's unfortunate but you aren't to blame for it, these are the school rules and if you follow through with the promise she'll have to face the consequences of detention. I'd say it all to her and let her decide whether she still wants her ears pierced or if there is something else she'd like to get instead.

For those advising to ‘just get them done’ and ways to hide it (invisible studs, hair down etc) what lesson arw you teaching here?

you are teaching your child that a rule which applied to the majority of her school community doesn’t have to apply to her. That rather than follow the rule, you will help her get around it. This approach, while keeping the kid happy (and yourself, because you will look good to the kid!) usually backfires in future. Kids get the message that rules don’t have to apply to them, that they can be bent and ‘got around’. Best case scenario, this sets them up for agro in school, because after the earrings it becomes homework, or shoes, or mobile phone use. Worst case scenario - we have all seen examples of older teenagers who think rules don’t apply to them, that they can behave any way they like!

im not saying you have to accept without question any rule made by authority - but campaign for change and ask respectful questions whilst sticking to the rules is usually more effective, and teaches children how to advocate for themselves in the right way in the future.

don’t teach your children that rules don’t have to apply to them!

Very true. Better still, find a secondary school which aligns more with your beliefs and expectations.