Made a promise I can’t deliver on

[Rulesforthesakeofrules]

I promised DD that she could get her ears pierced after primary school. Her new school doesn’t allow earrings. I’ve been told that studs need to be left in for eight weeks…so basically she can’t have them done until she leaves secondary school…or sits in isolation room for a fortnight after a summer holiday (another child and parent were told this). Transparent earrings or plasters over them aren’t allowed either. It’s a school that seems to pride itself on going further on petty dogma than other schools in the borough, but not going as far where more important stuff (clamping down on bullying, standard of teaching) is concerned.

I know I promised, but I’m sorry I can’t keep my promise, because your school doesn’t allow earrings?

What’s your local MP like? I know the LA won’t be any use as it’s most likely an academy - but how can anyone in good conscience tolerate somewhere like this in their constituency?
Im not saying don’t punish kids when they’re naughty, don’t have school rules - but sane rules that they have a chance of keeping and fair sanctions!
Is it worth mentioning your misgivings before anything happens / before she starts based on anything written you’ve been given / the parents meetings.
I really hope the waiting list works in your favour! x

Me too. Telling a parent not to believe their child is a massive safeguarding red flag

How good is the school?
It sounds bizarre and controlling.

I'm not in the UK.
Why does the school even have a right to interfere with private life in this way?
Small studs aren't a question of safety, so there is no reasonable ground for the policy.

If they get any kind of public money, shouldn't they behave?

In my country the school policy can't go beyond the law in what they demand/forbid.

Agreed. Always baffles me the amount of basic day to day normal parenting stuff people put on MN. It would never occur to me to go online for something like this.
You’re an adult. You’re a parent. It’s not even significant. Deal with it. Move on.

Telling a kid that something they’ve waited until they’re 11 for that they now have to wait until they’re 16 for is a big deal to a kid. It’s almost half her life again. It’s not as though there’s even a good reason behind it. Way down in the thread I’ve said it looks like it could work next summer. She’ll take it in her stride. I miss out on a lot of day to day parenting stuff, the bigger stuff, even birthdays sometimes - and so does she. I have long covid which has had a massive impact on her (and all my family’s) life. This was one thing I felt I could deliver on - a tiny, normal thing.

That comment was for the charmer below.

Gosh, it's almost like you thought sensibly about it and planned it, unlike some other people. 🤗

I get the disappointment OP. My dad was quite strict and when all my friends got their ears pierced when they were going into secondary it felt so unfair and awful that I wasn’t allowed mine done. These things matter to young people

If she gets it done towards end yr6 it will be healed for September. If she’s going to secondary in a few weeks and too late say she can get done end yr7.

Pearcings only have to stay in a maximum of 6 weeks less if she heals faster but she will have to put them back in after school each day for a year or the holes will reduce in size

Rather than focus on blaming other people, the lesson to your daughter is much more valuable

You tell her that you’re so very sorry to disappoint her, but you should have checked the rules at her new school first. The school doesn’t allow earrings and you didn’t check how long the sleepers needed to be in before taking them out and there isn’t enough time.

The lesson to her is making a sincere apology when you’ve made a mistake or you’re disappointing somebody, and holding yourself to account. Not blaming someone/ thing else for something completely avoidable.

Why are you sending her there then?

This

Expect a number of detentions ..who by?!!!!

Quite. A stud earring will soon become something a bit more.
The parents complaining about not having earrings will be the first to shout if their child has an injury. And blame the school.

Yes. That's the obvious question.

This school sounds completely unhinged. Her having pierced ears or not seems the least of your worries with her starting at this hell hole

I've taught for many years, and have never come across a school that wouldn't even allow studs. They do seem to be very strict.
It's certainly very unusual. Didn't it strike you at the time? Didn't you think maybe the school wasn't right for your daughter?

That was certainly a wormhole slide from you not having done your research into the school (your daughter hasn't even started at yet) being petty, having poor standards of behaviour and inadequate teaching, OP.

Your daughter needs to understand at some point that she can't always have what she wants and that adults make mistakes - this is actually a really good conduit for that lesson.

This school sounds like a nightmare. I would be refusing to send her somewhere focused on punishing and intimidating children from the word go until "they learn". I dread to think what they are like with SEN kids. I would be appealing this allocation and making arrangements to educate my child at home (somehow!) until an alternative setting can be found. Absolutely appalling.

Why would she apply for a place there then?
It makes no sense.

My daughter is going into Year 11 in September. She asked to get her ears pierced so I booked her into a well established tattoo parlour who have been doing piercings for years. We went on the first day of the school holidays. They advised 6-8 weeks before removal. She goes back to school on Week 7. At her school they have to remove or cover them for PE. I will take them out for her that morning and put them back in after school.

Failing that she can just put an Elastoplast on it, just for that lesson. That's what a lot of students do.