Made a promise I can’t deliver on

[Rulesforthesakeofrules]

I promised DD that she could get her ears pierced after primary school. Her new school doesn’t allow earrings. I’ve been told that studs need to be left in for eight weeks…so basically she can’t have them done until she leaves secondary school…or sits in isolation room for a fortnight after a summer holiday (another child and parent were told this). Transparent earrings or plasters over them aren’t allowed either. It’s a school that seems to pride itself on going further on petty dogma than other schools in the borough, but not going as far where more important stuff (clamping down on bullying, standard of teaching) is concerned.

This. If you'd promised you should have got them done day school broke up for summer break.

She's allowed to pierce her body to her heart's content and to do what she likes out of school, she's just not allowed earrings in school which isn't wildly unreasonable or unusual. Like others have said the practical upshot of this is that she'll have to wait until the start of the next summer hols. It's not a grave injustice and she'll live.

She said that AFTER I had posted...

I am a teacher.

They're not dictating what their bodies look like out of school. Take the piercing out at 8.30am then put it back in at 3.30pm. If the piercing was done at the start of the holiday it will have had 6+ weeks to heal.

It's not about being a stickler for rules. If you have ever worked in a school you would know that.

When you have 1500 kids in a school, it's really important to have rules, boundaries and consequences, because unfortunately not all children have been raised with these essential values due to some questionable modern day parenting.

Pupils go to school to be judged on their personality, behaviour and effort, not what they look like.

Most schools do allow one stud in each ear.

Schools have to set rules and stick to them, otherwise you have chaos. It's the only way it works with so many pupils.

The previous school I worked in had awful management who did NOT challenge rule breakers.

They changed their foot policy to black footwear rather than black shoes. A few months later trainers with coloured bits crept in. Kids noticed that management didn't bother challenging them. So trousers got switched for trackies. Nose studs started appearing. Phones were out at break discretely. Then phones were out in broad daylight. Kids truanting and sitting on your phones, and when you challenge them they tell you to fuck off.

THAT is what it is like working in a school where management do not reinforce rules. I watched the school slide downhill over 6 years then left with many others who got sick of the violence and lack of respect.

So yes, the rules might seem draconian. But they are there for a very good reason and I would happily (and do) send my kids to a school like this.

They're worried about accidents and getting sued, aren't they? Increasingly litigious times means tightening of all rules.

Good points here.

My DC's school is strict on uniform and doesn't allow any bows or frills. Lots of mums are up in arms about it - but why? School is a place of learning, not distracting frou-frou and feminity games. Who has the prettiest hairband shouldn't come into it!

Because that’s the way life works

What are the expected detentions for…. The earrings (if she has them done) or something else?

It looks like we might be able to do them next summer then. There are apparently a tiny minority of schools who don’t allow studs and I should have realised this. I suspect of that tiny minority, there will be some who accept a plaster or transparent stud for a week or two, above isolation or infection, but it kind of fits in with what this school’s priorities seem in practice.

The detention issue was relayed at a parent information evening. We were told that some children might get quite upset when they start getting detentions, especially if they’d been a child seen as well-behaved at primary, but it’s totally normal to be getting them and they’ll learn. We also got a letter about same day detentions and not to challenge them as school would have a good reason for issuing them.

We don’t really get to choose schools here (based in England). There are catchment areas which fluctuate slightly each year. Of these schools you put them in priority order and hope! The school DD has got into is huge -second largest in borough and it is already taking almost 10% more children than its capacity.

Id explan the school rules and take her first Saturday of next year's summer hols. 6 weeks is enough.

What kind of school tells parents of incoming students that numerous detentions for well behaved children is normal!?

So, she can change them after 6 weeks. That doesnt mean they can be left out after 6 weeks. This is why so many kids end up with issues with ear piercing. You need to keep jewellery in the ear consistently (pretty much constantly) for 6 months before they can be left out.

It feels like they can’t wait to put children in their place or waiting for them to trip up somehow. They also openly said children would be unlikely to tell parents the truth. I think it was their way of saying that this is the way things are done, accept it and the school is always right. It just came across as petty, oppressive and a hope that you’d never have to raise an issue with them. It seemed like detentions were just the norm rather than reserved for real misbehaviour. The size of the isolation block stuck out to me too. I’m obviously putting on a positive face to my daughter, although even she has questioned some of the rules she knows about to me. She’s a people pleaser and doesn’t really get into trouble - I don’t want this school for her.

Sorry that was for @TigTails. They told the children the same and the children also heard them telling parents they can’t believe their children. I found that really disturbing.

Yes, some actually ban things, and some have no official policy, but would never employ people with certain tattoos or piercings.
OP, was going to suggest the start of holidays solutions lots of people have already mentioned.

My DD’s school makes the kids take out earrings for sport so we got her ears pierced at the very start of the school holidays as all parents at her school do. I think it’s missguided to blame school policy for your lack of planning. As for what you tell your DD, you apologise and tell her that next summer you will make sure she gets her ears pierced at the start of the holidays.

I imagine the school doesn’t want people claiming their child has been injured if someone pulled their earrings etc. Nor have earrings being worn that are not sensible.

I agree with the school. I don’t blame them at all.

Children will get excited if they think a grown up is believing an exaggeration. And then add to it often. Yeah and then she said…..no they really said that…

Mmmm.

It is disturbing to have as the default response to children: "we don't believe you."

I really think you need to try to shift her to another school as soon as you can, none of this seems to be fostering a positive learning environment or good relationships between the school and the families! Pierced ears are the least of the issues here! 😬

I thought having your ears pierced at the start of the summer holidays before secondary school was a rite of passage. It’s always been 6 weeks. Had mine done at the start of the summer holidays in 2004 and it was never an issue. Piercings don’t suddenly need longer to heal than they used to.

I had mine done exactly a year ago and was told 12 weeks.

I think from what you’ve said you have more concerning things to worry about than ear piercings.

Wow that is pretty Draconian! No earrings at all is a new one on me. We were only allowed to have one discreet pair of studs.
I agree that ears ideally need longer to heal properly so doing it now may be a really bad idea. Perhaps talk to a professional piercer for advice on this one, but having had my ears pierced a few times, including some quite recently, taking them out is not something you want to rush!
She will be disappointed but I hope she'll understand it's the silly school rules not you.