Guests bring their own lunch

[thevoiceofreasoning]

I have recently had surgery and I am pretty immobile … just about get around on crutches indoors. Friends (m and f married couple with 10 year old daughter) wanted to visit me at my home. I’m not really up to guests to be honest but they more or less invited themselves. I agreed and they said they would arrive around 11am and stay until about 3pm (they live a couple of hours drive away from me). Since this timing clearly spanned over lunchtime I thought it was only fair to warn them I wasn’t really up to making a meal for them, which is something I usually always do when they visit a few times a year. The wife says oh that’s not a problem we will bring something with us. i thought oh that will be nice … a bit of company and something nice to eat brought in!
Well they all arrived carrying big cool bag and busied themselves putting things in my fridge etc. We chatted for a while and then wife stood up and said she would fix lunch… checking with me where I kept my plates etc. whilst I remained sat in the lounge. When everything is plated … individual pots of salad, wrapped up sandwiches etc. kind of picnic style and she announced it was ready, I suddenly realised that she had only put out 3 plates for them and had not included me! She then turned and said ‘Oh are you going to make yourself something and join us?”
I was so shocked I just mumbled oh I will make myself some toast. And then sat there with them eating a couple of slices of toast whilst they had their individually plated picnic goodies! The funny thing is I truly believe they thought they were being considerate bringing their own food so I didn’t have to bother cooking.
I can sort of laugh about it but I am also gobsmacked they could think that was ok! However, now looking back I guess I did make an assumption that they would bring something for me to eat too. AIBU? Love to hear people’s thoughts on this!

Thoughtless or what?! Surely you’d bring food for someone who’s just had surgery and can’t cook?

My mum did this after I had a newborn, first day of my hubby returning to work. Baby was tongue tied and breastfeeding was a lot of work. She rocked up “to help” with a packed lunch for herself and told me not to worry about her 😂

Steady on!
They couldn't even manage a spare pot of yoghurt.😁

I do wish her “ friends” would read this, and feel ashamed!

I can only hope that the CF's are on MN and read this thread, although sadly, even if they did, I bet they wouldn't recognise themselves!

Wow that's embarrassing, I am absolutely cringe for them. I would have hoped it would have dawned on them and they would have tried to back track. Not going with what people are saying about lack of communication etc, I would think most civil people would bring food for four or just fuckin control themselves for the couple of hours they were in your house and eat before or after.

What bellends. This reminds me when my husbands siblings turned up with their kids out of the blue, 4 days after an emergency c section. There was 14 people who came and they brought a lovely cake one had made but did cook a chilli in my own kitchen for me and DH to eat it that night. Things is they left all the washing up, and all the plates from the cake they brought. I was not impressed

Op it’s like something out of The Office completely not normal behaviour! Get Well Soon.

🥴 How embarrassing for them! Why were they visiting you when you are recovering if not to see how you are make things easier for you?

Yeah exactly. I honestly hope you don't think I was making excuses for them. I just was grasping at straws as to what could possess them to believe she wouldn't want the food!

I’m not sure how anyone could perceive that yabu - if I was visiting a friend who had had surgery, I’d be there with flowers and food! I’d also triple check that they don’t mind us coming and if there was anything they might need if we did (not just lunch!) and I’d do all the washing up etc!

Weird

Ah but they gave you the gift of a great anecdote! Unbelievable behavior!!!

That is the rudest anti social behaviour I have ever heard. Are they completely thick? How could anyone invite themselves to your home at lunchtine knowing you are recovering and on crutches and not bring you anything for lunch. I would have sat there looking wistful and said quietly"I thought you were including me as I am recovering and on crutches I haven't got any food in" just to make them feel bad. How was the conversation after lunch?

FFS what did she think you were going to eat?

This is outrageously rude and inconsiderate. When my friends are unwell, recovering or have a new baby I always bring food over - something for straight away and something for the freezer. I don't agree with those saying it's a miscommunication. If they weren't sure if you would be preparing something for yourself they should have brought something for you just in case. I am pleased you can laugh about it, I would be so upset and disappointed with such selfish and thoughtless behaviour, especially if I'd just had surgery.

Just so glad I’m not that sort of person…

My mother and stepfather did this to me too. I'd had knee surgery and was in a full cast from thigh to ankle.
I said I wasn't up to visitors, but this was ignored. They turned up anyway, having been to Waitrose on the way over. They unpacked sandwiches, a bottle of wine and a corkscrew 😂. They took 2 plates and 2 wine glasses from my cupboard and made themselves comfortable on my patio furniture.
I was in too much pain to express my surprise as they tucked in. The icing on the cake was when after a glass of wine each, they put the cork in the bottle and took it away with them.
No offer of food or a drink for me.

I laugh about it now because my mother's selfishness knew no bounds.

They might read the thread but they won't feel ashamed because they don't have the self awareness necessary for such an emotion.

Instead they'll puzzle over why the OP is being so ungrateful and feel hard done by when they went to all the effort of saving her having to make their lunch for them.

Sorry i hope she is an ex friend now.

Ps...YANBU

@thevoiceofreasoning please tell me they didn't pack up their leftovers to take back home?! That would really take the piss!

I find it weird that they brought food for themselves. Surely they could have just had a big breakfast and an early dinner after they left . So regimented.

So so glad you're in the minority

Yes I suppose in the whole weirdness and cheeky fuckery of the situation the cool bag isn’t that much of a big deal 😂