Guests bring their own lunch

[thevoiceofreasoning]

I have recently had surgery and I am pretty immobile … just about get around on crutches indoors. Friends (m and f married couple with 10 year old daughter) wanted to visit me at my home. I’m not really up to guests to be honest but they more or less invited themselves. I agreed and they said they would arrive around 11am and stay until about 3pm (they live a couple of hours drive away from me). Since this timing clearly spanned over lunchtime I thought it was only fair to warn them I wasn’t really up to making a meal for them, which is something I usually always do when they visit a few times a year. The wife says oh that’s not a problem we will bring something with us. i thought oh that will be nice … a bit of company and something nice to eat brought in!
Well they all arrived carrying big cool bag and busied themselves putting things in my fridge etc. We chatted for a while and then wife stood up and said she would fix lunch… checking with me where I kept my plates etc. whilst I remained sat in the lounge. When everything is plated … individual pots of salad, wrapped up sandwiches etc. kind of picnic style and she announced it was ready, I suddenly realised that she had only put out 3 plates for them and had not included me! She then turned and said ‘Oh are you going to make yourself something and join us?”
I was so shocked I just mumbled oh I will make myself some toast. And then sat there with them eating a couple of slices of toast whilst they had their individually plated picnic goodies! The funny thing is I truly believe they thought they were being considerate bringing their own food so I didn’t have to bother cooking.
I can sort of laugh about it but I am also gobsmacked they could think that was ok! However, now looking back I guess I did make an assumption that they would bring something for me to eat too. AIBU? Love to hear people’s thoughts on this!

Aw thank you!

It's so strange how many women on here dislike confident women.

They seem to be far more comfortable reading about women who are 'too gobsmacked' to stand up for themselves or even answer the door to a stranger.

Odd.

you should have charged them for the tow! Lol

Cheeky buggers!

Haven't read the whole thread but that actually made me lol. People are very strange aren't they? It's when things like this happen you realise the differences between us.

I hope they bought a lovely bunch of flowers to cheer you up (bet they didn't!)

One of our close friends had an operation immediately post covid when we were finally allowed to visit people. We called and said we would like to do a day visit even though it was a 3hr drive for us and we had a one year old and a 4 year old. Similarly we were warned that they were not up to sorting lunch. We said not to worry we would just come for a short while and bring lunch. I messaged my friend who had the operation to check what she felt like eating. She said would love some pork curry and fish curry. I made both and we drove down and picked up some pizzas, couple of desserts from M& S and flowers. We put the fish and pork curry in their fridge for them to enjoy later and we all ate pizzas together. And then had dessert. We talked for a while and left soon so as not to tire my friend out. Before we left, I helped her husband with sorting out the kitchen while my husband entertained our children. I cannot imagine someone turning up without cooking few bits and bringing lunch! Those are not your friends.

So salad, sandwiches, yoghurts, nothing that's going to break the bank if you buy extra for one person.

Can also be transported home easily if not used!

So even if Op had meant that she would feed herself it would be easy to take for her & no big deal if not needed I would have thought.

Wow OP honestly your friend has been really shit here 😩

I am a confident woman and really not the ‘limp lettuce’ you have me down for! I guess maybe you have never been in a situation that simply takes the wind out of you and you have no words? Please don’t confuse me being ‘gobsmacked’ as some sort of weakness … I can absolutely stand up for myself (when I am not on crutches 🤣) and chose not to call them out there and then because 1. I didn’t want to upset the little girl 2. I don’t have a lot of energy right now 3. I made the call it wasn’t that important to me to tell them how thoughtless they were being because I had already decided I didn’t really want to continue the friendship. I know when to choose my battles and the rest of the time I walk away with my sanity intact.

Ahh OP this is just awful. I never say anything to anyone but in this case I would have to say something in a text to point out how ridiculous they have been. You aren't going to see them again anyway so why not. Soooooooooo cheeky.

You didn't exactly invite them the last time either! 🤣

My face reading this 😐😱🤬

No not a sausage! 😂

Thought so.

(Sorry for the weird question as someone pointed out it was.)

True! 🤣

Awful behaviour! You think they'd have said, we'll bring lunch and laid on a nice spread for you. Can't imagine sitting in someone else's house eating food without inviting them to join!

Yes I get that it’s hot but is their car not air conditioned?

The misunderstanding about not bring food for you isn’t outrageous, misunderstandings happen.

However, the fact that when they went to put their own food together, they didn’t say “we only brought food for ourselves but do you have anything in you’d like me to fix for you while we’re in the kitchen?” is very odd.

Well it really wasn’t on my mind to question why they thought it necessary to bring a cool bag … but I don’t think that is entirely unreasonable given the heat … But either way, I really don’t think that is the thing to focus on here.

I know of a similar couple. They call in unannounced and generally expect to be fed. I remember they stopped in a takeaway on the way once...and only got chips and goodies for themselves. No chip was offered to me.

I don't think they can really entertain themselves. They are dead bored. That's why they visit. The lady is also so gossipy.

That couple sound like total users Op. Next time they visit, make dinner only for yourself and eat it in front of them. It's what they did to you. Or better yet....totally avoid them.

What rude and inconsiderate so-called friends. I’m sorry this happened to you OP. It’s the last thing you need whilst trying to recover.
If I were in your shoes, when I had capacity, I’d let your ex-friend know how hurtful it was that they had come over and excluded you from their picnic in your home. Not that it would change anything but you’d hope they would explain their (odd) thought process and presumably be mortified by their behaviour.
Wishing you a speedy recovery.

I guess maybe you have never been in a situation that simply takes the wind out of you and you have no words?

I'm 57 so I've been in plenty of awkward situations. However, I couldn't sit there 'having no words' for a couple of hours whilst people who are supposed to be my friends, take the piss.

Well good for you! But my point was, choosing the higher road isn’t always weakness ..

You don't sound like a wet lettuce, or if you do then I think you should own that title as being the bigger person in the way you were is not a bad thing. If you were to let them pull the same stunt next week that would be another matter, but you have no intention of doing so.

It's easy to say this across a screen, but I'd want to send a message. "Hi friend, I've been wanting to say this since you came over but haven't been able to find the words. Firstly, I appreciate you making the effort to visit me. Everything after that has left me feeling a mixture of offended and confused. You know how affected I have been by the surgery as I told you. I explained that I couldn't even prepare food for myself, let alone you. Yet you turned up at my house with your own picnic and not a single thing to share. Then you left your dirty dishes for me to wash up, knowing how physically challenging that would be for me. I've never seen you behave in anything other than a considerate way, hence the confusion. I have twisted my self in knots trying to understand this fron other angles, but no matter which way i slice it I feel very hurt by your family's behaviour in my home at a time when I was feeling very vulnerable.".

She may not reply, but if she's always been a good friend I'd at least want to see if she had anything to say in response.

It's rude of them, so YANBU.

They have a 10 year old, so they know how difficult it would be when you would have had a newborn with guests wanting to come over. If the mum can't cook anything for guests, she can also barely cook for herself!

It is rude of them.

They should have at least asked you if you wanted anything bringing in.

Did they at least bring a gift?