Guests bring their own lunch

[thevoiceofreasoning]

I have recently had surgery and I am pretty immobile … just about get around on crutches indoors. Friends (m and f married couple with 10 year old daughter) wanted to visit me at my home. I’m not really up to guests to be honest but they more or less invited themselves. I agreed and they said they would arrive around 11am and stay until about 3pm (they live a couple of hours drive away from me). Since this timing clearly spanned over lunchtime I thought it was only fair to warn them I wasn’t really up to making a meal for them, which is something I usually always do when they visit a few times a year. The wife says oh that’s not a problem we will bring something with us. i thought oh that will be nice … a bit of company and something nice to eat brought in!
Well they all arrived carrying big cool bag and busied themselves putting things in my fridge etc. We chatted for a while and then wife stood up and said she would fix lunch… checking with me where I kept my plates etc. whilst I remained sat in the lounge. When everything is plated … individual pots of salad, wrapped up sandwiches etc. kind of picnic style and she announced it was ready, I suddenly realised that she had only put out 3 plates for them and had not included me! She then turned and said ‘Oh are you going to make yourself something and join us?”
I was so shocked I just mumbled oh I will make myself some toast. And then sat there with them eating a couple of slices of toast whilst they had their individually plated picnic goodies! The funny thing is I truly believe they thought they were being considerate bringing their own food so I didn’t have to bother cooking.
I can sort of laugh about it but I am also gobsmacked they could think that was ok! However, now looking back I guess I did make an assumption that they would bring something for me to eat too. AIBU? Love to hear people’s thoughts on this!

It's hard to understand how they could have not said/done anything when they watched the OP make toast. This is the gobsmacking bit.

I only just noticed the reply about them stacking the plates by the sink. I bet when they'd done that they were patting themselves on the back for being so helpful. After all it saved the OP the job of having to hobble around collecting individual plates!

Because you have avoided the confrontation - you have walked away from them? If people seek you out to confront and you don’t want that you have to go away from them - avoid them

dont answer, put the phone down , however you do it don’t engage with them or you have to explain that you are no longer friends after they behaved so poorly when you were ill and then they will
whine on with excuses and how they don’t mean it and they didn’t realise and then I’d end up wondering if they were really as thick as they were making out

How so?
It was bloody rude, and the guests knew their friend was struggling.
I would have taken lunch for all, and simple meals for her fridge or freezer.

@DraigCymraeg yes I agree. That's why I said they are NBU.

Friends visiting during convalescence - they should have told you they would sort food for everyone and offered to bring you extra supplies. You should not have had.to.bring up.the subject of lunch.

Were they just looking for a place to.have a picnic? Doesnt sound friendly at all tbh. Were they otherwise good company, do wee chores in your house,.offer to go shopping?

If they are otherwise gr8 friends id let it slip but wouldnt cook for them again, unless you do turns at hosting.

If not gr8 friends, Id.leave this one be

Wow that's crazy ! I would be so embarrassed for them. Who does that ??

If I was visiting a friend who was not well enough to make lunch I would bring lunch for everyone and leave left overs.... or even something pre cooked you could heat for dinner.

And you call them "friends"??

Even if I had assumed that you were on some kind of 'recovery diet' that was limited to toast, at the point at which you were hobbling about on crutches making your own meal, I would have offered to make it for you.

You reminded me of the horror I experienced on the first Sunday after moving in with my boyfriend into the tiny house we’d bought (hard early ‘80s times by the way: easier to get a joint mortgage than find a flat to rent! We were nowhere near the mortgage stage in a relationship in reality)
I’d almost put my back out making the living room feel all ‘lived in’ by cramming all my books onto the shelves, and whatnot.
Sunday morning his mother turns up, looks at the place and says to him, ignoring m, ‘It’ll be alright when you clear that junk away’, and hands him a foil-wrapped plate, with his Sunday lunch on it!
Nowt for me (and I had our roast chicken in the oven at the time, to boot)
She was very clearly suspicious of me, what with all those books.
But blimey, the neck on her to march in with that lunch for him. I’m sure she actually thought she was within her rights, and in no way offensive.

Wow! I guess the key point here is what did the b/f do or say? She deliberately excluded you and undermined you … horrible woman! Hope she’s not now your MIL!

No they really just treated me the same as always … no proper mention of how I was coping/reference to me being immobile. But you are absolutely right I am absolutely going to let this relationship die!

Yes! That’s exactly how it felt! They clearly thought aren’t we nice people bringing our own lunch and stacking the plates for her? Lol

Oh God no! The relationship with her son was ill conceived; we were made to be mates, not longterm partners. (We shouldn't have leapt onto the property ladder in desperation, as it tied us up)
Anyway; his mum softened when she realised I wasn’t an evil son-thief, but good Lord the family were a totally different breed from any I’d ever met before, and she probably clocked me as equally alien.
In fairness, she did her best to make me feel embraced after a bit. (Tales of her shagging German POWs in her Land Girl days were too hair-raising to permit any negative reaction from me, mercifully, but sometimes it was like engaging with a Martian!
On her side, not one of them had ever met anyone with an Irish background before. We were all in a zoo, essentially, engrossed by each other’s strange habits.
God bless them all. All passed away now, the BF first of all.
Their specialised countryside background has entirely died out in English culture now, and it is the poorer for that.

(apologies, got a bit misty eyed thinking of that young man . Not a bad bone in his body.)

Unbelievable! You have found a way to blame OP! Thank god you are a lone voice with this ridiculous opinion.

Surely not!!!

Did @LejlaKapovic even read the post?!
The poor woman could barely move using crutches.

@LejlaKapovic I too don't think you read the OP's posts. Cooking and providing drinks and snacks to the interlopers! 🙄
This is the OP

Absolutely. They were probably baffled why you weren't more appreciative of their great efforts 😂.

But to be honest I'm still struggling to get over this line, "Oh are you going to make yourself something and join us?”. Even if we take the surgery, pain and crutches out of the equation, I just cannot wrap my head around inviting a person to make their own food and eat it with me in their own home!

They are either very rude or very stupid.

Did they wash up/clear up after themselves, put the dishwasher on ......etc?

OMG stop all further contact that's not the behaviour of sensible people! Hope they washed up and put their rubbish out?

Nope, whichever way you look at it,even if op hadn't asked,you would assume the host is included in the lunch, especially when she's poorly. Bad manners no matter how you want to dress it up. I'd be reconsidering them as friends after that.

Why on earth would anyone just assume this though? Really? No excuse.