Guests bring their own lunch

[thevoiceofreasoning]

I have recently had surgery and I am pretty immobile … just about get around on crutches indoors. Friends (m and f married couple with 10 year old daughter) wanted to visit me at my home. I’m not really up to guests to be honest but they more or less invited themselves. I agreed and they said they would arrive around 11am and stay until about 3pm (they live a couple of hours drive away from me). Since this timing clearly spanned over lunchtime I thought it was only fair to warn them I wasn’t really up to making a meal for them, which is something I usually always do when they visit a few times a year. The wife says oh that’s not a problem we will bring something with us. i thought oh that will be nice … a bit of company and something nice to eat brought in!
Well they all arrived carrying big cool bag and busied themselves putting things in my fridge etc. We chatted for a while and then wife stood up and said she would fix lunch… checking with me where I kept my plates etc. whilst I remained sat in the lounge. When everything is plated … individual pots of salad, wrapped up sandwiches etc. kind of picnic style and she announced it was ready, I suddenly realised that she had only put out 3 plates for them and had not included me! She then turned and said ‘Oh are you going to make yourself something and join us?”
I was so shocked I just mumbled oh I will make myself some toast. And then sat there with them eating a couple of slices of toast whilst they had their individually plated picnic goodies! The funny thing is I truly believe they thought they were being considerate bringing their own food so I didn’t have to bother cooking.
I can sort of laugh about it but I am also gobsmacked they could think that was ok! However, now looking back I guess I did make an assumption that they would bring something for me to eat too. AIBU? Love to hear people’s thoughts on this!

It is odd behaviour and normally I would say rude, but you say this is out of character and they had made the effort to travel 2 hours to visit. Perhaps it was a genuine miscommunication? Did they definitely realise when you said via phone that you can’t cook you meant you are living off toast and crackers at the moment?

If the wife is sensitive and over-strung she may have half realised the faux pas when she asked if you were having anything but was then too embarrassed to own it and re-plate up onto 4 plates. I can imagine being the wife in this situation and then getting in the car and trying to dissect whether we’d misread the situation, whether we should have brought lunch for you etc and replaying it a thousand times in my head but even if I felt mortified at my mistake would be too socially awkward to mention it to the hosts face or apologise, especially if not 100% sure if what I did was or wasn’t what the host expected.

That said, it is very rude they didn’t offer to wash up when they could see you were on crutches! And even if they hadn’t brought lunch the polite thing would be to at least bring some cake or biscuits or something so maybe they are just rude people!

Bizarre behaviour - very mean of them

Bloody hell. That's crackers.
And leaving the dishes too!!

I can't believe they did all that and then left you their dirty dishes to wash. On crutches! Utterly bizarre.

That is truly appalling. These people are not good friends.

How appalling of them not to ask if you’d like them to bring you something in too.
To not take care of you in that way. So sensitive. I’m shocked.

Insensitive!!

Good grief. Probably just as well you weren't feeling your best, it could have got ugly if you were well enough to feel enraged!

This is shocking!

I’d love to know what the conversation was like, did they ask how you were, if they could do anything to help whilst they were there?

Incredibly insensitive and rude of them. I would have made you a big quiche or tub of soup or something so we could have lunch with bread and salad and leave you leftovers. And brownies or flapjack too.

On the plus side, you now have an absolutely wild anecdote to tell your actual friends, I would treasure this one…! And probably hang on to the nonfriends in case they do something equally bizarre and hilarious in future. But not rely on them for support again.

I think it’s my sil! They do this. Invited my son on a day out and she said they would take a picnic. I assumed she meant for her her husband and my 12 year old. Nope. They proceeded to unpack their picnic at the destination and had only brought two of everything. They were most out out that they had to share!

WTAF? You told them you weren't up to it then they arrived with food for THEMSELVES!!! I honestly just don't understand people like this. They should have arrived, made food for you, asked if you needed any help around the house, needed shopping etc etc. I'm old school and that's what I'd have done if I'd even invited myself in the first place.