AIBU not getting into debt to go on holiday?

[DoYouThinkAbout]

I'm a single parent. 4 dc.
Exdh hasn't paid maintenance ever and the last few years have been tough.

I'm doing better now financially and decided to concentrate on the house as it desperately needed decorating, new flooring and furniture.

In my family everyone goes on holiday apart from us. My siblings said I should have taken the dc away instead of decorating.
I was annoyed at first ut then started to doubt myself...

One family member borrowed thousands from my mum and has never repaid a penny but is currently on their second holiday this year.

Another is in debt from constant overspending but they are going away later this month.

At first I admit, I did judge them as they can't afford these holidays.

But actually my dc have really missed out because I wouldn't get into debt to go on holiday.
The 3 older dc are young adults but have never even been on a plane. We used to do caravan holidays but they stopped wanting to go about 3 years ago.

So -

YABU - Your dc missed out, you should have got into debt.

YANBU - for not getting into debt to go on holiday .

You can still take them on holiday if you want, your kids are still your kids no matter what their age
You'll be able to make lots of lovely memories with them.

Get them involved in making a savings plan and choosing where to go

I think you've done the right thing, it's not worth being in debt for a holiday unless it's short lived debt
I would happily put some of a holiday on a credit card if for instance I found a great deal but would be say 6 months short of savings for it and just pay the rest off afterwards but I wouldn't if I was putting the whole thing in a credit card

They want to do their own thing with their friends now, which is absolutely fine.

I've never used my credit card for non essentials so not something I considered.

I realised if I had booked holidays on my card, they would had a different childhood. I know they are embarrassed that they've never been abroad.

I couldn't work out of I was being unreasonable.

You don’t need to go into debt to go on a holiday.
you can save this year, adult dc pay their own way, wait for the Boxing Day holiday sales. Book for next year for the best deals.

Even if you put it on the credit card that only works once…if you don’t have the money to pay for the holiday you don’t have it even if you put it on a credit card and you’ll have to pay it off somehow.

Could you maybe start a tiny savings pot…can you spare £50 a month, it won’t get you a holiday this year or next, but do it for 4 or 5 years and you have a holiday and potentially didn’t even notice you were missing the £50 a month.

Your kids won’t begrudge you not giving them a holiday, and by budgeting and not getting into debt you can be sure that if/when your kids are adults and have their own family holidays you going to be in a much better position to be able to afford to go with them. You’ll just be the nana not the mum on the trips, but still get brilliant memories. I love the trips my mum comes with me on now where there are three generations of us making memories.

You haven’t given them experiences … instead you prioritised decorating .
imagine what your kids interpret that as ?

Not unreasonable to not go into debt but maybe unreasonable to prioritise decorating over them having that experience just once

Save for a holiday.
Use a credit card to pay, due to protection it gives you.
Pay credit card statement with savings.

Job done.

The older 3 are adults. 24, 22 and 20.
They are all organising/saving for their own individual holidays.

I'm not bothered about going on holidays. The last time I went away was in 1994!

It was more about if I was unfair to my dc.

Theres no savings! Im a single parent for almost 8 years.

Im not voting because although I don’t think you should get into debt with a capital D I think it’s a shame that you haven’t been able to manage a holiday. ( Although a trip in a caravan is a holiday no? ) Obviously it’s different if you’re struggling from paycheck to paycheck. Would they want to come away if it was a cheap deal outside of the school holidays ?

They all have new beds, decorated rooms, somewhere to bring their friends/partners without being embarrassed...

Im a teacher so not a possibility, sadly.

Ah well it’ll be fine then. But definitely consider going with grandkids (once they’re old enough that they aren’t hard work) - my son loves it when my mum comes, they have a great time.

Some savings and no debt is one of the biggest freedoms you can have. If you can’t save to go you can’t afford repayments after, and paying for things long gone is no fun.

you say that three of yours are young adults, are they at work and paying for their keep, if so you should be better off soon,

obviously some holidays are brilliant, but others are extremely expensive nightmares. It’s worth thinking about how well your children get on if they spend too much time together too.

all the best with whatever you do. One tip, if you’re doing mainstream beach holiday, don’t think self catering is economising, all inclusive means that you get a complete break from catering and finding food, the kids can get whatever they want without you putting your hand in your purse all day long!

Ah, I see several other posts landed while I was still writing so most of what I’ve said is irrelevant! Ignore!

That’s all materialistic stuff…. Not experiences.

ok if you prioritise being materialistic…. But I bet your kids would’ve preferred a holiday !
too
too late now though by the sound of it .

I wouldn’t have got into debt for a holiday but I would have prioritised experiences for my DCs over decorating.

Personal preference. When my eldest got to 13, we'd never been on a family holiday. I never imagined we wouldn't, but each year would pass and it was never a priority. Then I pictured 4/5 years into the future and it felt like time with my kids was slipping away. I went into debt for a holiday and I'm doing so again. I don't regret a second of it. It's manageable amounts and I'm not stressed about it

Holidays are more important to me than decorating. They are the things you remember and which bind a family together. New beds and fresh paint is very nice but not a necessity. Of the two I would choose holidays. Your children may be adults but they may still enjoy a holiday with you (and their partners?). Why not suggest one?

You would go on holiday instead of replacing broken beds?
Really??

you can have experiences/make memories (boak) without going on holiday.

They will interpret that as their mother provided a comfortable home for them, and was savvy enough not to get into debt for less essential things like holidays. Hopefully core life lessons for the dc

No, I would not. It’s more important to have a comfortable home.

They will interpret that as their mother provided a comfortable home for them, and was savvy enough not to get into debt for less essential things like holidays. Hopefully core life lessons for the dc

I personally can’t afford holidays all the time as a single parent however from next year I’m planning on trying to get one booked every year just one week abroad. I want my children to experience it to be honest but right mow my 4 year old has only been on one.