AIBU not getting into debt to go on holiday?

[DoYouThinkAbout]

I'm a single parent. 4 dc.
Exdh hasn't paid maintenance ever and the last few years have been tough.

I'm doing better now financially and decided to concentrate on the house as it desperately needed decorating, new flooring and furniture.

In my family everyone goes on holiday apart from us. My siblings said I should have taken the dc away instead of decorating.
I was annoyed at first ut then started to doubt myself...

One family member borrowed thousands from my mum and has never repaid a penny but is currently on their second holiday this year.

Another is in debt from constant overspending but they are going away later this month.

At first I admit, I did judge them as they can't afford these holidays.

But actually my dc have really missed out because I wouldn't get into debt to go on holiday.
The 3 older dc are young adults but have never even been on a plane. We used to do caravan holidays but they stopped wanting to go about 3 years ago.

So -

YABU - Your dc missed out, you should have got into debt.

YANBU - for not getting into debt to go on holiday .

I don’t think it’s worth really hashing over now, your children will be buying their own holidays, if they’ve still not been on a plane it suggests it’s not soemthing important to them. Holidays were really important to us, so much so it’s one of the reasons we stopped at 2 children. Everyone has different priorities, it doesn’t sound like it was a priority for you, so I’m not sure why you’re hashing over old decisions from the lens of other people? If you feel a large family and decorating was the higher priority then so be it.

That was me. Obviously id rather not have it but I have a secure job, a decent, though not huge salary and you're a long time dead. Its just figures. My kids still talk about the experiences we have had both UK and abroad. Im happy to deal with the long term. It would be different of I didn't have 0% credit though.

I've literally just done it in May half term and a long weekend at a caravan site in Paris didn't cost more than our usual summer holiday week at a UK caravan park including travel on Eurostar. The caravan was for 6 people so it wouldn't cost more for four children. My kids are teens but they absolutely loved being in Paris and were much more excited about it than our usual uk trip. I wouldn't have mentioned it if I didn't know it was possible.

I think UK caravan holidays and trips to the seaside etc are perfectly normal and fine.

It's weird to me to see a holiday abroad as so important.

It's not like it's this amazing kind-opening experience the way a lot of people do it - they could just be sitting in any random country around a pool or beach - they're not actually engaging with the host country's culture, history or people in any meaningful way.

This expectation of flying off somewhere is a relatively new thing.

Your adult children can have the experience of going abroad on their own dime in future.

The memories made on a caravan holiday or beach in the UK are just as valuable and nostalgic as those made in Tenerife or somewhere.

It's your business op not anyone else's.
Nobody should get into debt for a holiday.

I didn’t have any holidays in childhood. I was taken on a plane 3 times up to age 18, however this was to visit family abroad. I wouldn’t say that was a holiday as there was no pool or holiday type of activities, it was just staying in their house.

I do resent my parents for this. We had a brand new 4 bedroom detached house and new top brand car. Everything in the house was expensive. Yes, that was nice to live in, but we had no experiences or fun as a family. We only went on a few day trips a year with extended family. Never with just my own parents and brother. Not even a trip to the seaside. We lived close to a big attraction and were never taken there (although we did go with school).

I think this has contributed to us not being close now as a family. I don’t find being with them fun and there is nothing to talk about.

I also did feel left out when my friends were talking about their holidays and it was horrible.

However the difference is they could have afforded it and didnt spend much time with us having fun at all. You don’t need to go abroad for that.

My own DC have only been abroad for holidays twice, they are now late teens. This was mostly due to my DH being ill and not being able to work for 4 years. We now have house maintenance which needs catching up on and it’s all just so expensive.

After my DH had recovered, we did go on 2 holidays and we’re still paying them off from 0% credit cards. I don’t regret that as otherwise we wouldn’t have been able to give them this experience at all.

However I’m not prepared to do that now and they don’t seem bothered about it. We go on day trips instead and do other nice things together.

I do feel a little guilty as everyone else in the family goes on multiple trips a year. We are hoping to go again in the next few years, but this time it will be from saved money.

It’s all about balance and if your DC are happy then who cares what other people think? If my DC said they wanted to go we would make it more of a priority, but they say they don’t mind. It helps that their friends don’t seem to go abroad either so they don’t feel it’s something they’re missing out on.

just ignore them, you are the responsible adult and you are absolutely doing the right thing. A decent home will last for years, even decades and is obviously a higher priority than a one off holiday.

Im in my 30s now but as one of 4 we never went on abroad holidays as kids we did camping/caravan holidays in England never once felt like i was missing out. I have since been abroad with one sibling and parents as adults and loved those holidays my other two siblings chose not to come and think they are fine with that too. A uk holiday is still a holiday! And in all honesty probably much easier to handle with kids!

Why is Ana the only decision maker in the house? Pierre needs to grow a spine as a man and tell Ana that he's not at all happy with continuing the current arrangement. At this point, he has to make her choose between saving their marriage or not putting the kids in nursery.

If you book on love holidays or some of the other operators you can pay a small deposit then pay it monthly over a year. We do this, if you get all inclusive all you have to do is turn up on the day with a small fund for spending money. holidays are important to us and so we do it this way to make sure we have an abroad holiday each year.
we never went on holiday when I was a child as my parents were renovating their house on a budget for my entire childhood. It hasn’t affected me but I know they do regret not taking time out to take us place and chill out as a family together. As soon as I was old enough to pay for myself I started travelling extensively, and there were so many places I hadn’t been don’t was so exciting for me to do that and spurred me on to get a good job so I could travel.
now my kids have been everywhere, this year they said it was boring and I think they are holidayed out now so I think we have overdone it tbh.
so do whatever you feel like, there are options if you want to go on holiday to pay monthly. If you decide not to then that’s ok too, going on holiday is a luxury and billions of people in the world have never been on a plane.
I also think if you can’t afford to go on holiday somewhere better than your own house then what’s the point in going. Like going to a crap hotel where all you do is rush down at 8am to grab a sunbed and then sit by the pool for 8 hours is pretty pointless and boring. If you have a nice room, activities for the kids and the hotel food is lovely and there are a few things you want to visit and do, then it can be brilliant.
some years we haven’t gone on holiday becuase we couldn’t afford to do it nicely and didn’t see the point in booking something crap just to say we have been abroad that year.

I have my kids the choice this year, we could go on a foreign holiday or redecorate/refurnish their old playroom to make a second lounge, they both chose the lounge.

They now have a comfortable, grown up space we can use as a family or when they have friends round. Neither are missing a sunshine holiday. I think it’s important to have a comfortable home that meets everyone’s needs. Yes holidays abroad are great too - and I do take them - but the home I live in 50 weeks of the year is more of a priority for me.

It’s not that new, I went on my first holiday abroad 40 years ago and it was definitely a “thing” then. UK holidays are great, we do 2/3 lodge type holidays a year but going abroad is hardly a new or unusual phenomenon.

Operative word is "relatively".

When I was growing up, people certainly went on holiday abroad, but it wasn't this "must-have" attitude about it as though you're in serious deprivation if you don't.