AIBU not getting into debt to go on holiday?

[DoYouThinkAbout]

I'm a single parent. 4 dc.
Exdh hasn't paid maintenance ever and the last few years have been tough.

I'm doing better now financially and decided to concentrate on the house as it desperately needed decorating, new flooring and furniture.

In my family everyone goes on holiday apart from us. My siblings said I should have taken the dc away instead of decorating.
I was annoyed at first ut then started to doubt myself...

One family member borrowed thousands from my mum and has never repaid a penny but is currently on their second holiday this year.

Another is in debt from constant overspending but they are going away later this month.

At first I admit, I did judge them as they can't afford these holidays.

But actually my dc have really missed out because I wouldn't get into debt to go on holiday.
The 3 older dc are young adults but have never even been on a plane. We used to do caravan holidays but they stopped wanting to go about 3 years ago.

So -

YABU - Your dc missed out, you should have got into debt.

YANBU - for not getting into debt to go on holiday .

Completely reasonable- but you could go somewhere in this country without speding a fortune- we pick somewhere to go Monday to Friday choose a self catering place on booking.com or airbnb get some train or coach tickets- it is usually around £300 for the 2 of us plus a supermarket run. It would be even cheaper if you have a car.

This is an eye opening thread. I’m surprised at how many would go into debt over a holiday. I personally save and the holiday and spending money are accounted for before we go.

I think not going into debt is a powerful lesson. Your adult children are saving for holidays, it appears they are following your example. They will thank you for this as they get older.

A decorated house will last longer than a fortnight’s holiday. I think decorating their rooms is a lovely gift.

Out of curiosity, what do your children think? Do they feel they’ve missed out?

My parents couldn't afford 'holidays'. We went on cheap days out. I first travelled on a plane when I was 17. I never feel that I missed out on anything, I had time with my family, even if it was playing in the garden or local park.

As a once off I would encourage going into debt for a holiday. It will be an amazing experience with precious memories. Could you all go together next year if the older ones could pay their own way? You deserve it too for working hard and always putting your kids first, giving them everything they need. Everyone needs a break from the norm.

I think you are or would be doing the right thing not to go into debt for a holiday. Debt should be for things like fixing a boiler, maybe a car breakdown, things that are essential to day to day living. Much as holidays can be valuable, they do not keep you in a job, keep the roof over your head, or food on the table.

If you had come on here and written the complete opposite post - every year I get into debt to take my children abroad on holidays I can't afford, meanwhile my house is looking scruffy & needs a lot of work & my children sleep in broken beds - you would no doubt have been slated for having your priorities all wrong.
No doubt posters would have come on to say how their parents didn't decorate their house & bedrooms and how it has scarred them for life etc etc.

You know you are doing a good job raising your children alone OP.
I am sure you see all manners of poor parenting in your job as a teacher. You of all people know what children & young people need
Step away from this thread & stop feeling guilty over such a "first world" kind of issue. Your kids are & will be fine. X

I had "neither a borrower nor a lender be" drummed into me from an early age.

I love travelling and our holiday is the highlight of my year, but the basics come first. Then saving for a holiday is a bonus and the holiday has to cost less than what I've saved (or know I'm going to have saved).

Also, you did take them on holiday. You don't have to go abroad for it to be a holiday!

It's completely up to you what you've prioritised but if you could afford UK caravan holidays you could have afforded a trip abroad. It comes down to preference really not money but it's fine for you to have done what you preferred, you don't need to justify it now. If you did want to take them abroad now as a family trip it doesn't have to be a 2 weeks all inclusive resort in the summer holidays just because it's abroad. You could do long a weekend in Paris in October half term on the Eurostar, fly for a quick city break to Amsterdam or get the ferry to the beaches in France or Holland and stay in a caravan there. That's the sort of thing we do as we are on a low income but for me travel is a priority. I do put holidays on the credit card because I know I'll have decades to pay it off once I don't have kids at home anymore.

I think you've prioritised right OP- it's not okay to get into a debt you can't afford to repay for a holiday! And caravan holidays definitely count as a holiday anyway.

We didn't have a lot of money growing up, my parents put a few foreign holidays on credit cards which was fun for us as kids. However I then remember a lot of stress about money, my dad working weekends in a second job, no money for school trips etc to make repayments.

My husband grew up very poor and rurally (renting a one bed cottage in a national park, no running water so filling buckets from the river!). He didn't go on holiday until he was a working young adult and doesn't feel he missed out as a kid.

I don't think it matters where you are in the world, I think the important thing for good memories is quality time with your family.

They wouldn't have had a different childhood. Holidays abroad are not what defines a childhood.

You sound like a loving mum. When they look back over their childhood, that is what they will remember, not the lack of holidays abroad - a loving mum who took great care of them wasn't constantly stressed about debts.

I didn't go on holidays abroad when I was a child and I don't think I missed out at all, nor do I think my childhood would have been different if I had.

My 2 DC never went on a plane as a child. My eldest aged 26 still hasn't. We always went on holiday in the UK. There is no way that I would go on any holiday if I had to borrow money!

I was 21 when I first left the UK and 27 or so when I first flew. I had a UK holiday when I was 7 (with family) 9, 13, 15 and 16 ( that was also staying with family )

I have never needed therapy for anything. It didn’t harm my chances of getting a great job. It hasn’t stopped me learning about other places or cultures.

My friends who all had foreign holidays every year now all say they loved coming to play at mine best as it might have been the smallest home but it was full of love and warmth.

we have so lost sight of what is really important. We value money over love

I assume you’ve never been a single parent or on a mega tight budget- I’m talking nothing left after essentials have been paid for, no opportunity to save or pay off debt.

you judgemental comment doesn’t take into account that every day you have experiences with your kids, not just when you’re on holiday! and the stress of being in debt is huge and soon spills over into everyday life - making it harder to be relaxed and present with your kids.

it sounds to me that the op has been sensible by prioritising spending her savings on improving their home - which (from what she has said) gives a much greater overall benefit to her family than a week or two away in a resort would do.

I would be proud that I had given them security. Are they aware you have done this all by yourself? Whilst holidays are nice, they are not essential. Maybe long term you could go abroad as a family, possibly there will be the addition of partners, together?

Don't be daft - a holiday abroad for five would be way more than a caravan holiday! That's just a silly thing to say.

And young kids would definitely prefer a week in a caravan to a weekend in Paris or wherever - which also would have cost way more too.

I think it's the fact that the OP has four children here which is the fact that makes holidays difficult.
No way would I even want to contemplate a holiday abroad on my own with four kids even if I had the money for it! I would definitely have opted for a UK caravan holiday instead.

Being financially savvy and prioritising security is important. The person in your family who borrowed thousands for a holiday, hasn't paid it back and has gone on a subsequent holiday is abhorrent. I'm mid 50s, holidays were less of a thing when i was growing up. We never went. I knew we couldn't afford it. No big deal. I since been as an adult. If I were you I would be rewarding myself in some way OP.

Your title is misleading. Your kids have been on holidays. Caravan holidays in the UK. These were the holidays I had as a child and I loved it. Never once felt I missed out. Never went abroad till I was an adult. Loved UK holidays so much it’s what I do with my own kids.

Its not an issue.

I just started to wonder if I made the right decision not to go into debt to go on holiday.

I never use my credit card for non essential stuff.
The only debt I have ever had was my mortgage and car finance.

They haven't seen their Dad in 5 years so yes, very aware!

This thread is bizarre. Since when was a holiday only a holiday if you go abroad?! I must have missed that memo 🙄

Different people have different attitudes to money and debt.

Like the person who said it doesn't matter they'll have years left to pay it off after the kids leave home - that just boggles me. 😂 I'd be constantly worried and it would hang over me.

I think there's a balance to be had. If there'd been a lack of holidays i'd have prioritised having one when the kids were younger for the experience over decorating. Wouldn't get into debt over it but would delay redecoration. But your kids are young adults now so it's a bit different and they should be able to afford their own holidays. Think you've missed the boat

I don’t think you’re getting responses from people who a; are supporting five people on one modest wage and b; see replacing broken beds and updating the house so the teens and not embarrassed to have their friends round as direct competition to flying abroad.
Keeping the home fires burning and paying for it to do so is much more important than getting into debt to have an experience that will still be available to them when they are earning their own money.
I don’t think holidays abroad are important either and I hate the hot weather anyway. As a single mum to three I didn’t save up for holidays; savings were for the endless round of shoes and coats and everything else.

When we were on one low income for ten years we didn’t go abroad, but went camping or on day trips. When I starting working again we booked to go away abroad. When we got home I remember feeling sick, because £3000 including spending money was gone for a week! We could have done other things with that! I would never go into debt for a needless holiday. A holiday is a period of rest which can be done from home. Camping can be very cheap but a lot of hard work. Day trips to Forrest’s/ hills and valleys are cheap, just pay for car park,bring a picnic and plenty of drinks.

You were right to prioritise your home. Why dont young to travel agent and see what your options are. Lots of holidays too check out. I am a single mum. I book a year ahead and pay for it monthly by dd. All inclusive is a blessing. Take a credit card to pay for a couple trips/excursions.
Your family are being unreasonable