AIBU not getting into debt to go on holiday?

[DoYouThinkAbout]

I'm a single parent. 4 dc.
Exdh hasn't paid maintenance ever and the last few years have been tough.

I'm doing better now financially and decided to concentrate on the house as it desperately needed decorating, new flooring and furniture.

In my family everyone goes on holiday apart from us. My siblings said I should have taken the dc away instead of decorating.
I was annoyed at first ut then started to doubt myself...

One family member borrowed thousands from my mum and has never repaid a penny but is currently on their second holiday this year.

Another is in debt from constant overspending but they are going away later this month.

At first I admit, I did judge them as they can't afford these holidays.

But actually my dc have really missed out because I wouldn't get into debt to go on holiday.
The 3 older dc are young adults but have never even been on a plane. We used to do caravan holidays but they stopped wanting to go about 3 years ago.

So -

YABU - Your dc missed out, you should have got into debt.

YANBU - for not getting into debt to go on holiday .

I’ve used credit cards for holidays abroad as a single parent to 3. I did all UK holidays (camping, caravans, cottages) up until the eldest was year 6 and have managed to take them away 3 times since abroad- just so they had that experience (same as their school friends). The eldest isn’t bothered in the slightest, the middle one seems happy whatever we do but my youngest notices what his friends do more and will mention holidays all the time.

I’ve had to use credit cards in part- which I’m still paying off, interest free, and I can afford the payments. I don’t regret it one bit. I knew I wouldn’t as I had a childhood where I got to adulthood having never been on a plane. I remember that feeling of embarrassment when school friends talked about holidays (Christmas presents too). I don’t blame my mum though. There is no right or wrong really- you’re doing your best and they are loved and that’s the main thing.

I don't get this obsession people have with holidays 🤷 we never went as kids and we turned out fine if you can't afford it you can't afford it?

Did I read your OP right and you did caravan holidays? Just never went aboard? That is going on holiday!

That's exactly the choice my parents made when I was a kid - nicer house, but UK caravan holidays rather than abroad. And it was the right choice - I love that I'm better travelled in the UK than lots of people I know.

Now I'm married with kids and we can afford to go abroad every year, but still sometimes choose UK caravan breaks.

People's priorities can be so squiffy sometimes if they actively choose to go into debt for a holiday.

You did caravan holidays.

And presumably you haven't spent their lives doing nothing but decorating the house, but had fun together at home and around your area.

"Making memories" doesn't have to be abroad spending a shit ton of money you don't have.

I never went on holiday as a child but I don't resent my parents over that at all and I can't believe anyone does. They were doing their best by us and we had days out that were fun & lots of freedom playing out with our friends. It was different then though and people didn't go on holiday as much as they do now.

I am in a similar position to you OP, single & can't afford to take my young adult kids on holidays abroad.
They know this though & certainly wouldn't expect me to go in to debt to do it. They aren't spoilt or materialistic which I am grateful for & now go on holiday with friends which they save up for themselves & I contribute what I can to.

I am sure you have given your children plenty of great experiences over the years - why is sitting by a pool in the sun, which is all some people do on holiday, such an amazing experience anyway?

And at the end of the day, what children actually need growing up is your time, love, support and stability. If you have given them that then you have done a great job, whether you took them on abroad holidays or not.

Exactly this!

I'm 63 and didn’t get on a plane until I was 25. My parents were not well off but we had an idyllic week on the coast in a holiday cottage and lots of time roaming our home area with our friends and bicycles, and the occasional day out. I had a hobby entirely separate from this and did it several days a week. It's not worth getting into debt over.

Yes.

concentrate on the house as it desperately needed decorating, new flooring and furniture

It is completely fine that you have prioritised the above, but we didn't.
We had threadbare carpets and second hand stuff, so we could have holidays.

There isnt anything wrong with what either of us did, we just cut our cloth accordingly.

From the OP: The 3 older dc are young adults but have never even been on a plane. We used to do caravan holidays but they stopped wanting to go about 3 years ago.

Your DC have been on holidays until fairly recently. Given the oldest 3 are in their 20s that's most of/ their entire childhoods. A holiday in the UK is still a holiday and anyone who thinks otherwise is bonkers. A comfortable bed enabling adequate sleep is more important than additional holiday spending.

OP, have a look at voyage prive...it's a discounted holiday website..sometimes 80% off! I've used them myself 2bor 3 times and it's been fine..the holidays change every month and you can only book up.to 6 months ahead I think..but the same trips come back around..free to join, it's a no brainer really
Voyage prive

Being a mum comes with no end of attempts from other people to ty and make you feel guilty about something.
You’ve worked hard, given your children everything they need. Don’t feel bad about anything. My parents had five of us and little spare money and I didn’t fly anywhere until I could fund it myself.
I bet your unsupportive ex has had a holiday since he left you to raise them with no help.
Maybe you can look forward to a family trip with lump sum on retirement. A chance to celebrate your amazing achievement of raising them all.

Don’t feel bad at all. Your dc had a loving mother and a comfortable home. I have always paid off my credit card in full every month (I am touching wood here!). I have never borrowed money for anything other than mortgage nor had a car on finance etc. I earn an ok but not amazing salary. My parents have helped me out a bit at times. My dc have never been on a plane. Our holidays are UK based.

I understand that not everyone is lucky to have a job that pays the bills etc. however I really don’t get why people deliberately go into debt for non essentials. I think you did the right thing.

This post makes me feel really conflicted. Your been a single parent for 8 years, yet your children are now young adults. OP hasnt been away for over 30 years so its just not a priority, I do think thats sad. Im guessing your on a low wage and seeing the world and giving your children the gift of travel as not important. If its between housing and food or a holiday obvs its being able to house, feed and cloth but decorating. Essential jobs need doing but you have been decorating for 20+ years.
For reference I grew up with caravan holidays in Cornwall every year, it made me sad to listen to my school friends exciting adventures. We take our children away at least once a year, it's a priority for us but we are in position that we can do both home improvements and holidays.

We go to the seaside regularly all summer and had holidays in the UK.

My question was regarding getting into debt to go abroad.

Im a teacher so yes not particularly well paid.

Debt to pay for a holiday that can be put %free and paid off is fine. If you have no way to pay it off then thats a different matter. OP im interested to know why this is now an issue considering the age of your DC?

you made the decisions you felt where right. You can’t change that now so no point dwelling on it. And they did have holidays just not abroad holidays. I didn’t go abroad until I was 16 but still have lots of happy memories on childhood holidays.

I don’t get into debt for holidays but for me it is something I prioritise when saving making sure I put away as much as I can towards the next one.

Well since they are young adults who dont seem to want to go to the same place & are organising their own with friends you would hope they would be helping mum with the decorating to make home more comfortable!

How fortunate you are for that to be your main take away from childhood!

I think it's a bit odd the way people seem to think a UK holiday doesn't count.
Your kids have had regular days out & UK holidays which is great.
Added to that you are maintaining a lovely home for them to live in. And ensuring financial stability too.

All of this on your own for 8 years with no maintenance from their dad.
I for one think you have nothing to feel bad about or apologise for & actually think you should feel proud of what you have achieved.

How many people put themselves into debt to go on a holiday abroad only for it not to be that great? My neighbours just spent a fortune taking their kids to Italy only for it to be too hot to the things they had planned. They were glad to get home only to find it's still hot here!

It would cost a fortune to take 5 adults away in the height of the summer holidays & to have enough spending money to enjoy it.
Imagine if you did borrow to do it & then it didn't work out/you didn't all enjoy it?

Your children can make different choices as adults if they want to - the world will still be there.
I think this is a classic case of parental guilt but don't feel guilty because you sound amazing!

I have a teacher in my extended family, she hates going abroad, as a result her 3DC have never been abroad. They have a week in a caravan in the uk, it makes me sad they have never been away but its their choice. Their DC don't know any different but they cant relate to my DC who have been abroad alot.

You can get bed frames from charity shops and fb marketplace very cheaply. Or even brand new IKEA for not very much. Im also an sp and over time have built up debt, all on 0% credit to keep life ticking over, the car on the road, a new boiler and yes a couple of holidays abroad as well as a UK one most years. I can deal with the debt with house equity when they've flown the nest. For me, its just numbers on a screen and not important.

I think you were unreasonable to prioritise decorating over a holiday, seeing as you’re feeling bad over never taking your kids away. There’s loads of reasonably priced holidays via EasyJet holidays where you can put down a small deposit now, then save the rest later. For us, we have a dedicated holiday savings fund but we also sell on Vinted/ebay and have a few other side hustles to increase the holiday fund.

Op has taken her children away. A holiday in the UK is a holiday!

So. You said you didnt go on holiday... but then said you went on uk holidays. You said 'decorating' but then suddenly it was about broken beds. And now you're saying teaching isn't well paid despite teachers earning an above average salary, (particularly at your age). What are you trying to get out of this thread?