AIBU to feel hurt after being left out by baby group friend?

[empee47]

More of a WWYD really? Friend from baby group moved house a fortnight ago so dropped in card to her new house on Friday evening as I was passing, at about 8pm on way home from gym. Outside her house were three cars all belonging to the others in the group. Quite obviously she’d invited them round for a little soirée but not me - wwyd?

How many are in the group? Are you close to all three of them? Do they meet up together at a different class where this plan might have been made in person?

It might be something like too many of you to invite everyone they talk to in the group, or might be the first time they’ve done this and you’ll be next. I’d try not to take it personally (easier said than done), but invite this friend to your house for a catch up soon. I wouldn’t personally mention I’d seen the cars, but I’m bad with confrontation!

She’s allowed to prefer other people. Sometimes we like people who don’t like us back — mildly wounding, sure, but it happens to us all from time to time, especially in situations where circumstances have thrown us together with people we didn’t choose ourselves. Like NCT, workplace, classes, baby groups etc. It’s not like a whole-class party where one weeping five year old doesn’t get invited!

That's really shitty, @empee47.

It doesn't matter if there are a million logical reasons for it, that doesn't stop the sting.

Unfortunately, there's nothing you can do. I wouldn't do some big, dramatic exit from the group but you know now that they're closer to each other so I'd keep them at a distance, be cordial, even still meet up when it's convenient, and look elsewhere for real, close friendships.

Did you drop the card in?

Sorry OP that is hurtful whatever the reason is. Is it a big group or just those friends and you? Do you meet up regularly? Did you post the card or just leave?

How many people are in the group? She invited 3 round, her and you make 5. But I assume the baby group has more than that? She’s not obligated to invite everyone round.

As for WWYD, nothing.

I wouldn’t do anything except take a step back from the group.

I wouldn’t go to someone’s house unless they were expecting me.

What spectacularly bad timing. How many in the group?

Not quite the same but quite a few years ago now, my friends mum's collecting something for whatever reason. I phoned my friend to tell her that I had some stuff for her mum and I'll drop it off when passing.

She lived in a large house with a sloping drive and big gates so you
wouldn't see what was happening until you drove up to the front of the house. There was a full bbq going on with loads of people that I knew. We were good friends, not casual acquaintances and we went to each others house parties so this stung. She looked embarrassed and said you are welcome to stay. Of course i didn't!

I can understand why you’re hurt but I also think it’s normal to prefer the company of some people more than others, and obviously she is entitled to invite who she wants to her house. Try not to take it to heart.

How many in the group? If there's just the 5 of you then you've been excluded. If there's 10 of you, we'll she just wanted a few mates over and your timing was unfortunate.

But either way, the person whose house it is is perfectly entitled to invite whoever she likes.

Quite obviously she’d invited them round for a little soirée but not me - wwyd?

I don’t think there’s anything you can do. She is entitled to have a candlelight soirée.

Are you still friends with her?

Oh bless you. I’m sorry.
This happened to me with NCT and I sent a message saying it hurt to be left out and it’s not something I would ever do to them.
15 years later and we are all still best friends. It worked in my case, got various excuses and apologies on the group chat and of course smaller groups of course meet up all the time, but everyone meeting and one left out doesn’t happen in any of my friendship groups. I figured at the time I had nothing to lose.

You’re not being unreasonable to have your feelings hurt, whatever age we are feelings get hurt, being honest and as immature and sensitive as I am I would probably either confront them and make it clear how hurt I was and try to be honest in the hope they’d reassure me it wasn’t personal and they wouldn’t do it again and hope there was some reason for it that would make me feel better or I would just cut them out completely, it would probably be the latter

@empee47 I would not talk to her anymore- she clearly doesn't like you so why waste time on her.

I had a friend from school . When I married she was a witness . I moved 60 miles away but I would see her when I went back to see my mum. When I had my son I asked her to be godmother . A few months after she had her first child I made a last minute visit home to see my mum. I called round at her mum’s ,where she was living ,to find the christening in full swing . I was invited to stay but declined. We hadn’t been in touch as much as I was going through a very messy divorce but it stung . We are still friends but she has moved to Australia now .

Did you still post the card through the letter box? Would love to have been a fly on the wall if she opened it there and then!

Are you still friends with her?
No
Just on Facebook.

I wouldn’t do anything except note to myself that perhaps she likes me less than the others. People are allowed friendships and social events that don’t include you. You’re not school children who have to invite the whole class.

I would strongly ignore this advice OP, don’t cut off your nose to spite your face.

If you want to be friends with this woman you behave like an adult. You can speak to her about your feelings being hurt, or you can move on and try to nurture the friendship - why don’t you host your own soirée for example?

Why would OP want this friend to stay friends because she feels sorry for the OP?

This is so sad, especially as you were going through a divorce and probably needed your friends. Not all people have the same loyalty through distance and time, I hope you have good people in your life now