AIBU to feel hurt after being left out by baby group friend?

[empee47]

More of a WWYD really? Friend from baby group moved house a fortnight ago so dropped in card to her new house on Friday evening as I was passing, at about 8pm on way home from gym. Outside her house were three cars all belonging to the others in the group. Quite obviously she’d invited them round for a little soirée but not me - wwyd?

Did she invite the whole group except you?

If so, I'm not surprised you feel hurt. You could ask one of the others if she knows why you weren't included. If eg it's a misunderstanding as they all thought you were on holiday, this might be quite easily resolved

If she just felt she got on better with the others, you might choose to stay in contact but match their energy, drop the rope a bit ie move them from friends to old NCT crowd". So, remain on good terms, see them from time to time but accept you're not included in everything

I feel your pain. I turned up at a friend's house to discover various other friends at a party. The first part was I felt so humiliated that they all realised I hadnt been invited

I don’t really get people who behave like this . It is hurtful behaviour and she’s not your friend frankly .

I think it depends on how big the group is.

Our NCT group was made up of 8 or 9 couples, and whilst we had big group meet ups, small groups naturally formed, each of which are still good friends with each other.

If it’s a group of five and you’re the only one excluded, that’s mean and unkind. If it’s bigger, then it will sting but it does mean you’re not really in that smaller group formed.

It has nothing to do with feeling sorry for the OP. Adults can socialise with whoever they want whenever they want and it’s weird to expect to be invited to every single thing.

Why would you cut a friend out of your life for not being included in one social gathering if they’re otherwise a good friend?

How long have you known each other?
Has she known them longer than you?

Five of us in the group - the friend who’d moved, three others and me.

We all met in the same place at the same time, 14 years ago!

No, nor do I , I’ve come to that conclusion too, that she’s not really a friend either.

Got you, yes, I’m sure you felt hurt. Yes, all invited apart from me. They knew I wasn’t on holiday and my gym days are not fixed so not as if she’d have thought no point inviting me as I’d be at gym.

It hurts but in your shoes I'd move on. Find your friends elsewhere.

Sometimes friends mugging you off can be more hurtful than a partner, Im still upset about a best friend in year 7 I had that literally turned on me overnight! its their loss OP I would distance yourself and accept they aren't your people xxx

Thank you xx

Sorry to hear this. Are you 100% sure they were all their cars? I wouldn’t recognise many of my friends cars.

Fourteen YEARS??? Jesus, I take back my suggestion to stay casual friends. That was deliberately cruel.

Bin them off, @empee47. Do you have another circle of friends?

They're adults. They can socialise with whoever they like and they're not obliged to spend time with people they don't wish to. I agree that it's hurtful though but what's the alternative if they don't want the OP to join them?

I think this is just one of those things. It’s painful to be on the receiving end of this but the blunt truth is you can’t force someone to be your friend. No one is owed friendship. What people think of you is their business, as they say.

You also don’t know the circumstances here. There may be a reason she wasn’t able to invite you.

I would play it cool, keep an open mind but put a bit of distance between you and her.

I'd have been tempted to ring the doorbell and see if she/they were embarrassed.

'Just dropping this card off and thought I'd say hi. I won't disturb you as you have company and I'm a bit sweaty from the gym. Oh Claire, Lucy, Rebecca, hi...'

I’d be absolutely gutted if I was you OP, I don’t blame you at all for being really upset x

The alternative is being straight with someone and not stringing them along pretending to be a friend . Is that not obvious ?

God no. Undignified and desperate. Never beg for friendship or try to force it.

That sucks. Sorry, OP.

That depends on whether this was a 1 off or a recent development or whether it's been a regular thing.

It's the opposite. I wouldn't be begging to join them. But it would be interesting to know what they said about it and whether they were uncomfortable. I'd make my excuses and leave them to it.

Did you drop the card through the door?

She can invite who she likes and it's nothing to do you with you. You can do the same too.

She has her reason that she has no obligation to explain or justify.

It would be childish to stop talking to someone because of this (as someone has suggested). It also doesn't mean she doesn't like you.

People can have different friendships and get together with them without there being a negative reason. Don't take it personally.