AIBU to feel hurt after being left out by baby group friend?

[empee47]

More of a WWYD really? Friend from baby group moved house a fortnight ago so dropped in card to her new house on Friday evening as I was passing, at about 8pm on way home from gym. Outside her house were three cars all belonging to the others in the group. Quite obviously she’d invited them round for a little soirée but not me - wwyd?

That’s just not how I would treat a friend anyway . It’s one thing hanging out with different people but leaving someone out of a specific group is bad and this applies in adulthood as well I think . Each to their own .

No, there’s a mailbox attached to the side of the house but whoever was in the house would probably have heard me as there’s gravel on the path.

When the children were babies and toddlers, we met up once a week. When the children started school, meet ups were less, but regular, but yes, I’m now definitely reassessing my definition of friendship. Acquaintances would be better.

Thank you.

When you say “a friend from baby group” people assume you mean a woman you’ve seen for a few coffees on maternity leave but might well never see again once one or both of you goes back to work. Not a group of friends you’ve had for over a decade!

I assumed your kids were still v young so you'd only known each other a year or so.
14 years is totally different.

I’m sorry OP, that stings. I think a lot of us have been in similar positions. For me one of my bridesmaids got married and I didn’t know except via FB. We had lost touch and were occasional contact but I would have thought she would have returned the favour to invite me and DH to the wedding (not bridesmaid, just an invite). She knew where I lived and we have a mutual contact.

Op, upon reflection do you consider they might be closer friends with each other?

*would strongly ignore this advice OP, don’t cut off your nose to spite your face.
Or you could respect yourself and realise she us a fair weafriend.

Or i would think i sm an a grown woman and don't have to be invited to everything like i am 5
I see your pov but if you were part of a small group that you thought were close friends but you were the only one not invited, you really wouldn't be a little put out?

I am part of a wide friendship group that has evolved and developed over the decades.
Often some of the group have trips out and not everyone is invited, or a couple may go on holiday and that us OK, but my core group of friends include me on things and they are included with my plans. I would be hurt if they excluded me and had a gathering without me and kept it quiet.

Could it have been a couples’ dinner party and her table only seats 8?

Thats a hell of a stretch!

Really? On a Friday night?

Ouch, that would sting me too. I remember scrolling on Facebook and seeing friends been out without inviting me. As another poster says, it can hurt (and has done) more than a partner. Especially long friendships like yours. Times like this make you reassess things. You were kind to even think about posting a card and I guess I would have wanted to have been heard on the gravel, make them think "oh shit perhaps I should have invited X"!!

Yes! A friend group (assuming couples) and one couple throw a dinner party but "oh no, our table only seats 8, guess we will have to leave someone out...." and a) they dont think of a different way to do it such as a group takeaway with no formal seating and b) no one said anything to OP.

Nope.Not buying it. This was deliberate.

Some of them won’t care. Sadly.

Or spectacularly good timing as @empee47 now has clarity about these 'friendships'

That’s awful, yes you need to reassess the friendship particularly with the friend who didnt invite you.

Ouch that’s hard - this is happened to me more times than I want to remember. No reason that I can think of - you’re going to have to get some space and time between it happening to lessen the sting and distance yourself- nothing can be done but move on im afraid but I am sorry you had to go through that when you were being so kind

You say you've all known each other 14 years - so presumably your children are all 14. Is it possible the children were there too and do they all have kids that got in better together or all girls and you have a son? Just clutching at straws really. I know sometimes adults do more together when their children are more friends.

You’re being judgemental to assume that’s why. My friend recently asked if she wasn’t invited to a meet up with our third friend because she was larger than us. I’ve never even thought about that and it’s strange you’d assume your friends think so lowly of you.

My friend wasn’t invited btw because other friend and I have our own separate relationship (that predates ours by 10 years!) and we’re allowed to foster that alone sometimes.

I’m in a similar size group and I am definitely more the acquaintance rather than the core friend - I do know this deep down, but every so often some action makes it more obvious and it’s hurtful. One of the group had an op this summer so the group bought flowers - a nice thing to do and I have no issue with this other than a couple of years ago I had a similar op and there were no group flowers for me.

My NCT only had 5 couples and I was much friendlier with two out of the five, but wouldn’t have excluded a couple for a whole group gathering. We didn’t stay in touch though after a couple of years - my two ‘friends’ in the group moved well away from the area - so it’s def possible not to keep friendships going if it’s uncomfortable for you.

I don’t think there’s anything you can do. If you’re friendlier with another couple/woman in the group maybe retain that but I’d be wary now.

It’s hurtful behaviour, even more so that you would never have known about it if you hadn’t popped the card round.
I’ve been through similar. My ‘friends’ had set up another WhatsApp group without me in it and one of them mistakenly posted on the original one about a night out they’d all had together. The only reason I can think of is I’d been through a recent severe trauma but it hurts and I feel really sad for you.

I'd be upset. And I'd probably distance myself from a group like that. The only reason I can think is that you regularly go to the gym and have declined invitations at the time and day before.

That's very unkind. And especially as being excluded probably made the trauma worse.