Argh! So stressed, worried I am going to damage my DD emotionally :(

[dollydoops]

I have had a couple of months from hell. I am a teacher and at the end of May we were told that our school was closing on 10th July (private school). I am a single mum to my 6 year old DD and her dad lives abroad so I have her 100% of the time, no family who can have her at all, and she also went to my school so since the end of May I have had to find a new job and find a new school for her. I also don’t drive so this process has been extra difficult because I had to rule out various schools because they were impossible logistically.

After about 5 weeks of horrendous stress trying to keep going at school, comfort the students who were about to lose their school, comfort DD who was devastated while frantically job hunting and working a second job exam marking in the evenings as well to save up some extra money, I finally found a job and a school for DD. Unfortunately though, it requires us to move house.

So now, it’s the summer holidays and I am trying to
-pack up my house
-deal with all the moving admin
-sort out all the admin for DD’s new school, fill in paperwork/buy uniform etc
-attend interviews at the job centre because I am having to claim universal credit
-prepare for my new job in which I’ll be teaching lots of new things
-do online tutoring 5 evenings a week to supplement my income

and all of this while entertaining DD and trying not to spend too much money.

i am so very stressed that it is frightening me a bit. My fuse is incredibly short, I shout at poor DD at the drop of a hat and I keep crying. My scalp is flaky, my skin is breaking out and I am only sleeping about 5-6 hours a night despite being exhausted.

not sure what I’m asking for here but does anyone have any tips for reducing my stress levels? AIBU to be worried that DD will be traumatised by having such a stressed out, shouty mum? :( thanks for reading!

This sounds like projection.

You're doing wonderfully! You have a home & a job lined up. I often think the same about DD and shouting/short fuse. She's similar in that her sleep is not great so I find doing things after bedtime really difficult. I have my parents nearby but am still trying to unpack after a December move. I explain where I can what I found hard in that moment i.e. I really need to do x now or otherwise we . . . . (won't have clean clothes/eat tonight . . . ) or Mummy is really tired because you didn't sleep well last night and had to work today. Sometimes she'll join in other times not but is there anything you can pack together like teddies/toys/winter clothes? Wishing you all the luck in the world for your new chapter

We have to apply to the government for redundancy pay, as there is no money in the school coffers to pay us. Actually I should have added applying for redundancy pay to my list of things to do! I have to do that too!

You're doing amazingly well, and this all will level out in a few months time. There's something to be said for being in survival mode.

Re the interviews at the job centre- unless I misunderstood your OP it looks like you have managed to secure a new post- I'm sure when I was in the same position (I was out of work for two months due to a delay in my start date) I didn't have to attend because I had found new employment and had the contract etc- is that something you can ask them? Just so it is something that can be taken off your plate. I'm sure i only had to do a phonecall once every fortnight literally to check in and say was still waiting.

You're incredible for managing this on your own, just concentrate on one foot in front of the other. DD will remember this as a time that you worked incredibly hard to get life "normal" again.

Was going to say the same.

Look at what you have achieved under difficult circumstances already.
Keep at it.. eventually you will get there... once you've moved.... the other things will fall into place.
The summer hols willl zoom by... Eat lunch in the park. Go for a swim together.. most cinemas have cheap daytime showings of family films inthe holidays (and its also air conditioned! ) bike rides? download some audio books (bbc sounds) and listen together in the gardne.
The point is.. you don't have to think up entertainments all week long..You can do fairly short activities you can do together and get some fresh air/excercise in before returning to the jobs you have to do.
One step at a time. you wiill get there an when you get to half term at the new school, you have have a real break together - even if that's a couple of pj days x

I’m sorry you’re having to cope with all of this on your own and that DD is going through it, too. If she has a lot of energy, would an activity / club like martial arts, gymnastics, trampolining or maybe local brownies help to give her an outlet?
I’ve dealt with similar situations while single parenting - it’s not easy but try to remember (I confess that I didn’t do as much of this as I should have) that your DD is probably more confused than you are - is it possible to reframe the new start as an adventure or something that you’re both looking forward to even though it takes a lot of packing and getting tired out first?
I don’t know if it’s been suggested but I use ChatGPTwhen I need to offload. I find that a quick 30 minute totally honest vent and sometimes a laugh gives me such a good feeling and lifts my spirits. Might be worth a try. x

Bloody hell, you are going through the wars! I honestly would speak to your GP, a short course of antidepressants can be really beneficial and keep your head above water. It's really nothing to be ashamed of.

Other stress busters a blast of fresh air (doesn't have to be much, a quick 10 minutes brisk walk round the block can blow away the cobwebs)
Soak in a bubble bath - with your favourite music
I use Calm App on my phone for mindfulness meditation and it has some great anxiety/panic meditations too, also sleep stories for when you're awake at 3am stressing!

If you're looking for cheap/free things to do in the holidays, a walk in the woods with a picnic is a good way to fill an afternoon. Give your little one your phone to take pictures and make a little photo book with them, let her decorate it with glitter pens etc.
Invite friends round for a play in the garden, paddling pool etc and make a cheap lunch, sandwiches and soup. Some of my best days are chatting with friends while the kids play and keep each other company.
Perfect the art of walking away and doing a bit of deep breathing through the nose when you feel the urge to snap or shout. You've got a load on your plate and it's bloody hard but you'll feel worse from the guilt of losing your rag with your little one. Or go and scream into a pillow, it's very satisfying!

Keep reminding yourself this won't be forever and there are calmer days ahead 💐

Agree. X

Oh no! Sorry - just added more to the list rather than helped.

I’ll go away and hide 🙈

You are doing so well. Amazing.

breaking it down.

teachers are high demand. Is private where you must be? Is there anything local authority which is permanent and more secure.

everyone has a short fuse but the fact you are questioning it, follow the advice and get some medical help. You are not superwoman.

your DD will be ok so long as you are ok. That’s what to focus on.

Different stresses, but after my DM died, and DF spiralled and self medicated, and was dumping all his emotions on me, sertraline was also incredibly helpful.
It didn’t fix my issues, rather allowed me to cope with them calmly.

Is your main priority bills being paid if they are and you are able to put food on the table. Step back and allow yourself to breath the job will come don't be hard on yourself. It's not a great situation but you know there is nothing you can do until September when the schools open again.

You don’t need medication! You’re having a totally normal response to really difficult circumstances. You absolutely won’t damage your dd, you sound so lovely. I take it you don’t have helpful family as you say .any mum friends? Things will settle down and you’ll both get through this, can her dad help at all even stepping up more financially for a while? It’s so hard when everything is on your shoulders, it’s scary, I get that. I’m actually really sad at your post because it’s not fair.. you’re doing your best X

From a very practical point of view do you still need to do job interviews if you can demonstrate that you have a job starting after the summer? I am sure I recall something about not being expected to do a job that is "less" than you are qualified for. So if you are qualified for a teaching post and have now secured one, can you remove that pressure? May be worth asking

Wow, you actually are amazing. And just over a month, you’ve managed to turn things around. Your daughter will understand and when you are back on your feet, just treat her. Be open and honest with her about what you’re going through right now, but let her know that brighter days are coming and things will be back to normal. Stop being so hard on yourself you have done amazing.

Moving/packing alone is a nightmare. I had to do it with a 6 year old and 7 year old whilst 5 month pregnant as my husband had been sent on a 3 month detachment just before we were due to relocate (2.5 hrs away) I had to organise removals, schools, midwives, Dr's and dentists and all the other adminthat goes with it. To say I was exhausted was an understatement, but I just kept thinking about the end game. The kids were actually very good at helping with packing, I'd get a box and they would hand me me things from their shelves, cupboards or drawers to pack so I could sit on stool. 😆

Just give yourself a big pat on the back for how far you've come. You've done amazingly well x

And with the job centre, if you tell them that it’s summer holidays and you have your child, you won’t have to go to the appointments. If you change your circumstance online, you might not have to attend any interviews at all and they can also be done on the phone during the holiday.

I do have some lovely mum friends but I think I am so focused on everything that I have to do that I don’t have headspace to try to organise play dates etc. Also, lots of people are on holiday now, as most of my mum friends are also teachers.

I use chatgpt as well. I can say everything that's on my mind and it helps me to make sense of the situation without going mad. We are going through a money slump and it's helped me to remain calm organise myself and be patient. No matter what you have to work through it until it gets better.

I think it will help if you are honest in an age-appropriate way with DD, something like 'I'm sorry I'm shouty and I don't want to be. Moving house is a hard job for grown-ups to do because there's so much to remember and it always feels a little scary when things are changed' and then talk about looking forward to new home and school.

I think that's the important thing to hold onto - that you do have a new job and home and school to go to, so at least you are not moving in with parents or without a job.

Sorry for all the stress you're going through, but at least there is some certainty after this.

You sound pretty amazing frankly. Hang in there.

If you have any mum friends don’t be too proud to ask for help. I’d help a friend in this situation. It’s often easier as well to entertain two 6 year olds than one!!

Local church may run holiday play scheme or local sports centre.

Lots of lovely supportive messages, which is lovely to see op, and so true. Youre doing fine and this is very normal.

If it helps

I've spent the summer so far whinging about the heat, whinging about having to make endless amounts of food, whinging about the weather again, Laying naked in front of the fan, again sighing about the weather

I'm currently nude, munching on birds eye hot and spicy chicken, 'supervising' dd's screen time

I think dd is scarred for life! 😄😄😄

Youre a normal mum who is doing well, and dd won't hold a stressful period against you ❤️❤️

Off to give my dd a cupcake and a hug and tell her shes the best 😬😬😬😄

It's a complete kick in the teeth if the school closure means you have to forgo summer holiday pay. Nasty.
I wonder if you home insurance has any employment protection element which you might not have spotted, to plug the gap ?
Also are you unionised as a teacher? They do have discretionary hardship grants, and if you have been paying subs and intend to keep them up for your new job, I'd email them your situation, you could even copy and paste your own post, you've summed up your difficulty well. And enquire about hardship funds. You may likely be able to get a few hundred from this, your situation is so unfortunate.

You've got this.

Wtf are you wittering on about? Every single thing this lady is doing is for her daughter. The child's needs have not been "pushed out" of anything, anywhere I can see.

OP you sound like a phenomenal mum. You are moving heaven and earth to ensure your DD has a roof over her head, a new school to go to. She has you and her grandad. She will make new friends. You are bossing this. She is so, so lucky to have you.

They are not away the whole six weeks. You have to also think about yourself and your daughter's social outlet. You don't want to be stuck in for the holidays and you will feel better. Life isn't perfect anything can happen. You need to remain positive you will find a new job. Try not to isolate yourself.