Argh! So stressed, worried I am going to damage my DD emotionally :(

[dollydoops]

I have had a couple of months from hell. I am a teacher and at the end of May we were told that our school was closing on 10th July (private school). I am a single mum to my 6 year old DD and her dad lives abroad so I have her 100% of the time, no family who can have her at all, and she also went to my school so since the end of May I have had to find a new job and find a new school for her. I also don’t drive so this process has been extra difficult because I had to rule out various schools because they were impossible logistically.

After about 5 weeks of horrendous stress trying to keep going at school, comfort the students who were about to lose their school, comfort DD who was devastated while frantically job hunting and working a second job exam marking in the evenings as well to save up some extra money, I finally found a job and a school for DD. Unfortunately though, it requires us to move house.

So now, it’s the summer holidays and I am trying to
-pack up my house
-deal with all the moving admin
-sort out all the admin for DD’s new school, fill in paperwork/buy uniform etc
-attend interviews at the job centre because I am having to claim universal credit
-prepare for my new job in which I’ll be teaching lots of new things
-do online tutoring 5 evenings a week to supplement my income

and all of this while entertaining DD and trying not to spend too much money.

i am so very stressed that it is frightening me a bit. My fuse is incredibly short, I shout at poor DD at the drop of a hat and I keep crying. My scalp is flaky, my skin is breaking out and I am only sleeping about 5-6 hours a night despite being exhausted.

not sure what I’m asking for here but does anyone have any tips for reducing my stress levels? AIBU to be worried that DD will be traumatised by having such a stressed out, shouty mum? :( thanks for reading!

That sounds like my daily life. Stop beating yourself up, you are doing an amazing job and it’s natural that things will feel too much at times. It sounds like you have sorted out all your work related issues and you are taking steps to address them. Try to do a list and focus on that for the next few weeks until the move is out of the way. Things will improve I’m sure. Maybe engage in some meditation apps on your phone to settle you at night and try to identify some low costs one on one activities you can do with your DD as she will be feeling it all too.

Aww op this is a lot to deal with as a single mum doing everything your doing a brilliant job like others have said be kind to yourself none of this was on you. I hope you get to spend some quality time with your dd. Please sort out your redundancy asap as you need this as a priority also can you get uniform on line do you still have to attend the job centre even though you have a job to go to is there no discretion on the rules. No wonder your running on empty can your dad help every day for short bursts just so dd isn’t feeling lonely let her help you where she can it’s all a temporary blip and things will get better for you both. Well done for getting this far.

You are doing brilliantly, OP.

I know it doesn't feel like it, but you have achieved magnificently.
I'm in awe.
Lots of helpful tips on here which may help you.
I just came on to say: You're The Bizz.
And your DC6y/o will be FINE.

Well done!💐💐💐

Thanks so much, everyone. I just wanted to say that this thread has made me feel a lot more positive. Took my DD swimming and for a milkshake today and we had such a lovely time because I was so much more relaxed. I really appreciate it x

I went through an awful time when my DC was 5 years old and I was just trying to survive. Being a ‘good mum’ was incredibly difficult under so much pressure.

You will get through this. Things will get better. This stress will not be forever. Keep repeating this to yourself. It is true, but it also helps to keep you going mentally. This is a bad phase- not a forever situation.

Focus on the next stage you need to arrange in order to get yourself where you need to be instead of looking at the big picture. The big picture is for when you need to plan your steps, but you must not think about that day-to-day because it will be too much.

My DC seems to have no recollection of my stress 2 years on. I was exactly how you have described. Have you got a support system of any kind you can vent to? Breathing exercises and gentle exercises can help. I understand you won’t have much time at the moment, but walks with your DC when you can might help. Sometimes I coped better on the days where we’d been out.

Also, children of that age value little things like trips to the local park and playing a bard game with their parent. You’re working hard to put food on the table, you don’t need to worry about not being able to provide much more.

Being a single mum is one of the hardest things in the world. When something happens it’s all on you and the intensity of that pressure is incomparable. Working your arse off, stressed out of your mind, and waking up with a smile on your face…well, it isn’t always possible. On those days try to get out, be in a neutral place (like a play park) where you can sit for a minute to decompress while your daughter plays.

You’re a good mum.

These are the pretty shit consequences of the govt’s private VAT policy. Fucking horrible. My sibling teaches in a private school and the staff are in fear of the school closing. They have already faced a big round of redundancies and morale is terrible. One member of staff got made redundant because her entire department was shut - her subject is no longer offered. She had a kid with SN at the private school. She is now on benefits and totally broken. My sibling lives close to school and doesn’t drive so will have to move from his flat if school closes. As it is, the job now carries an increased, unsustainable teaching load. There are so many cases like this. It’s really pretty tragic for some people. I was very strongly against the private VAT policy. Yes, every child should get a fantastic education. But we do not live in utopia. And all state schools are exceptionally far from equal / fair. Bashing private schools actually bashes real people like the OP. And the state sector hasn’t benefitted at all. Zero extra teachers.

In terms of advice, I would try to talk to your dd relatively causally, say that you had too many things to do, you got upset about it and are very sorry for shouting at her. That it wasn’t her fault etc. she is 6 and will barely remember this. You can offer small treats, like choc. Say the next home is an adventure and get her to help packing or pay a company to do it. (Can your dad give you the money for this?). I would avoid ADs if possible because in a few months, the stressor will be gone and you will likely be in a much better position.

My grandson's private school closed at the end of last term which was a real bummer. Of course I was upset for him - he had only 1 more year before going up to senior school and it means that he will have to change schools twice, plus there are other practical difficulties.... but one of my first thoughts was for the staff. It must have been incredibly difficult for them to ensure the children had a normal, happy, fulfilling education while having all the worry about finding new jobs/being unemployed and (in your case) having to move house and finding another school for your own child.

Don't beat yourself up about circumstances you can't control, you are doing an amazing job, keep carrying on!

Oddly enough... my own school closed down when I was ten. My birthday is in November so I ended up going to my senior (boarding) school as a ten year old, young for my year! I was lucky to be able to do that though.

I think you're doing great and should be very proud. Take a minute to look at what you've achieved, on your own.

You really are amazing.
One day at a time.