AIBU to feel upset after hearing anti-redhead comments at library children’s event?

[future1]

I took my child to a baby and toddler event at the library this morning. There was a mum with her baby whose hair was starting to come through. She was telling her friends loudly how happy she was that her child wasn’t ginger because her husband had some redheads in his family and they were so worried about it.

All said in earshot of my red haired daughter. Luckily she was oblivious but she won’t always be.

This was in a very diverse part of SE London and the mum sounded educated and like she should know better.

I’m not from the UK and was aware of the bullying redheads faced here in the past but maybe naively thought those days were over. Is this what my daughter is going to have to live through here?

And if that woman is reading this, or her friends who laughed along - shame on you.

My son has the most beautiful long wavy red hair. He’s mostly had positive comments but he really liked it when we flew to Cork and the airport corridor had a series of portraits of Irish people all with different shades of red hair. He felt very at home.

my dd’s hair is blonde/red and I love it when people with red hair say she has red hair too like she still makes the grade 🤣
my step sister once said something about not wanting her baby to have red hair or was it one of mine because my dad did, it was a long time ago, but I was so surprised I didn’t really take it in as she’s highly educated etc.
It does often seem to be connected with fiery personalities, there’s always a comment of some sort. I saw a gorgeous red headed baby the other day and felt like I wanted to comment but didn’t. I appreciate it’s just something people feel that they have to mention!

Of my 4 sons, 1 (the eldest) is ginger and my mum said just before he was born oh what if it’s a ginger we could just dye it. Nice!! In front of my then partner.

what I hadn’t mentioned was his mother is ginger as are all her brothers. And our beautiful son is a red head, his hair is beautiful. I don’t get the hate. I think a few people had something to say at school about it but he shrugged it off. Sorry you had to hear that op, least you know your daughter doesn’t have a mother with that kind of attitude , I feel sorry for her children,

Same here and totally agree. I was bullied horrendously as a child and fetishized as soon as I became a teen.

Now I'm older I get less of it but it saddens me to read it's still common.

That’s no justification whatsoever

If I had been there I would have asked the woman very politely if she could be mindful of my red-haired daughter.

Also she may not have been oblivious. When my daughter was two she broke my heart by saying “I want blonde hair. Blonde hair pretty. I brown hair. I not pretty.”

To my absolute horror, having quizzed the nursery on whether anyone had made adverse comments about her hair, I realised I had once made a passing comment about another girl’s beautiful blonde hair. Kids really take in more than you think.

I still feel terrible about this though now-14 yo dyes her hair deep plum with a red stripe.

I absolutely hate this sort of thing and that this attitude still proliferates.

I have a colleague with ginger hair, she hates it. OK, that’s her prerogative, but she constantly puts herself down because of it. She commented non-stop during her pregnancy about how worried she was that the baby would be ginger. I just wish she’d keep her views to herself.

My husband and I ate both dark haired, when I was pregnant I had a few people say to me , with glee, things like ‘you know two darks can make a ginger’, like some sort of awful warning. It made me so cross.

Ginger has gone full circle it’s very on trend

but they said everyone is entitled to have an opinion and she had hers regarding her child

I didn't say it was?

I was answering the question the OP asked us.

I have red running through many generations of my family and several of my DC. So I’ve seen and the discrimination for decades. There is a tiny percentage of people in the world with red hair (0.6% I think) and many of them face awful prejudice. I have heard people openly commenting in front of me that they hope their children don’t have red hair, despite knowing that mine do. My children have had numerous unkind comments (but also many lovely ones). Many vehemently disagree but I think it should be a protected characteristic.

My sister was born with red hair and my dad was so relieved when it turned brown. Red hair is beautiful, it’s a shame it gets so much hate.

It's awful and I hope if it happens again one of the mums would say something.

Totally wrong.

Red hair is beautiful.

Yup ginger, fat, glasses, freckles, too short.

All things that get picked on.

Girls do tend to stop getting picked on so much once they reach adulthood apart from the standard Pervy men who will ask if the curtains match the drapes but at least that helps weed them out.

Boys tend to get it the worst.

My cousin has lovely red hair I used to say I wished we could swap hair as a child. I get a red tinge in certain lights but mostly brown so I carry the genes.

My niece and nephew had the most beautiful tone of red hair when younger it's more muted now that their older.

Oh and add gapped teeth to the list.

Used to get picked on for my freckles and gap between my top teeth.

Anything to other a child other children will pounce on.

Yeah. The midwife said the same when my son was born. He’s well into adulthood now, and it’s turned dark auburn.

We had diversity training at the council I worked at. The trainer carefully explained that we couldn't advertise that applicants for library positions needed to be tall to reach the shelves as some races are naturally short and that would be racist.

Imagine my surprise when the very next item was making comments about your ginger colleague which was apparently fine because it was 'just banter!' Unfortunately for the (very expensive) trainer, I'm a red head and after I stood up and explained, in detail, that people from Celtic nations were more likely to have red hair and therefore the 'so called banter' was actually racist, she revised her opinion. I'll bet she never made that mistake again.

Natural red hair is gorgeous and even if it wasn’t that’s not the point. No adult should be passing comment on hair colour. It’s no schools are full of bullies when indirectly adults are being bullies themselves. Children must hear these comments at home and then think it’s all fine and dandy to do into school saying it. Sadly some adults never leave the play ground

My first ever boyfriend had ginger hair - we were together for a number of years (I was 16 when we got together we and about 22 when we separated amicably). We still remain firm friends coming up for 30 years later.
Anyhow... he got a load of comments about it over our time together which were quite frankly unacceptable. Such comments should not be tolerated in the same way as racism or sexism absolutely should not be. I would not have changed his hair colour for all the money in the world.
He also did not appreciate being called "a ginger" which I completely get. Nobody calls someone with brown hair "a brown" or someone with blond hair "a blond" to anywhere near the same extent.

My DS has very red hair and has had nothing but compliments all his life. Some friends and I were actually recentlt talking about how gingers are "in" nowadays, very different to how we grew up.

I'm sure there are unpleasant people everywhere about lots of things. Ignore it.

Well, I’m biased as I have a daughter with red hair and I think it’s gorgeous- I just asked her if she was made fun of much at school for it, as I wasn’t aware of any bullying. She said she was always called nick names throughout her time there, but not bullied as such- names like “Ed Sheeran”- not very imaginative!

2 girls at school have dyed their red hair much darker. When I asked why, they said they didn’t like being ginger, but didn’t say that they’d been bullied. My hair is very curly (3a) and ginger, it’s paled a lot in the sun, looks like I’ve got highlights! I wasn’t bullied at school, but was asked if my ‘perm’ was natural 😂

It’s a real outdated view, I guess a bit like wearing glasses.

It may have came from a good place as in didn’t want people to bully because of hair colour and let’s be fair we all want our children not to get mean comments. BUT she’s soo wrong, and it’s actually something I think I’d have laughed in her face for.
also might have been jibes at her husbands side of the family.

What a genuine blessing to have such beautiful coloured hair!! I would choose it for my kids if I could…and myself!

She’s a fool and I guarantee you more you working have been the only one to think so.

Stupid, ignorant woman.

I’m shocked that being bullied for having red hair is or was so common. I’ve lived in Scotland all my life, worked with primary and secondary aged children for years up until recently and it just has never been a thing. Is it a particularly English hang up? I find it utterly bizarre especially because red hair is so beautiful and unusual.

I was bullied terribly at primary school for having red hair and desperately wanted to dye it brown. Redheads are one of the world’s smallest minorities and it’s shit in 2026 people are still happy when their dc don’t have red hair. Red hair is beautiful and it’s such a shame so many of us don’t see that because of the meanness we experience.