My ds is 13 and he's different to a lot of teen boys and teens in general as he doesn't care about social media and only has a phone because I feel comfortable with it on the way to school, the phone is his brothers old iPhone 7 (he did have a phone of his own - a Samsung but he lost it). He doesn't care about social media either but does have an iPad and Nintendo Switch and plays on his dads Xbox or brothers PlayStation. His search history on the iPad is normal and he's very into buses so his youtube history is bus routes and the sidemen and whatever he watches with older brother (travel challenges mainly)
He's kind and very thoughtful and he's bright . Hs does have ASD but it doesn’t affect him in many ways now he’s older, he was diagnosed at 3 due to being nonverbal but he really has caught up and it doesn’t really stand out. He goes to an all boys school but outside of school attends cadets and a tennis club which is mixed with both boys and girls. He's quite close to a girl from cadets, I don't think they're dating. Here's where people may flame me though but he asked for her to sleepover and I said yes. I know I know but let me explain.
I had my eldest at 16 - my mum didn't approve of the relationship I had with his dad, he never slept over but I still got pregnant and I didn't feel comfortable telling her about how he was treating me either so my goals for the boys are for us to have an open relationship and where they're respectful men. My eldest had a gf from 13-15 and I allowed sleepovers at 13/14, he also had a best friend who was a girl who'd sleep over from about 8/9 and it never stopped until they fell out (and nothing due to the sleepovers).
Anyway back to it, the girls mum has met ds2 (he went over to the girls house once) and they had a sleepover monday night as the girl has now finished school for the summer too so she came over and they played swingball in the garden and watched a film, had kfc then they spent time in ds’s room on the switch, it was pretty much what ds does when he’s on his own except with a friend. She slept on the air mattress in ds’s room. Fast forward to today when i was hovering ds’s room (im sure some will say he can do it himself but i was already hoovering so it didn’t hurt) and i found a condom wrapper and i admittedly did panic and over react, he only turned 13 in april.
He didn’t seem bothered at all when i showed it him and he said after some questioning that he was showing it her (she showed him a tampon she had in her bag apparently) and she thought it was funny, he said he took it from his brothers drawer and he knew he they were there as he had helped him sort his room once and he went off topic and was talking about how he was confused about why his brother had them if he’s gay but he explained to him about stds, i suspect this was because he felt awkward so tried to change the subject. He said he didn’t know where the condom had gone but kept saying he didn’t have sex with her and got quite frustrated but asked me not to tell DP (i haven’t yet as he’s away). i am inclined to believe him but also he’s a teenage boy and very deep into puberty much more than ds1 was in this age
AIBU to be annoyed with him and feel like he broke my trust? I also have to tell the girls mum don’t I?