AIBU to expect my mum to cancel her gym session to look after my kids?

[Mkxxx]

For context: I (34F) have two boys (3 and 11m). I have help from my mum once a week on a Tuesday. 8am-5pm she’s at my house. All the other days I get no help and no help from my MIL either. I have managed my maternity pretty much on my own with my husband in the office 5 days a week. It has been hard with a baby and a toddler. My son only recently turned 3. Anyway I never bug my mum to come outside of a Tuesday because honestly it’s just hard work and not worth it. However right now I’m very ill. She knows I’ve been unwell too. I don’t ask anyone to help me unless I’m desperate. So I asked my mum last night to come today. She said she can’t come until the afternoon when most the day has gone because she has the gym. I asked if she could miss it this once since I never ask like this and she said no. Now im feeling so much anger because the lack in inflexibility shocks me. If my child had asked me for help I would go! Also she doesn’t work and retired to ‘look after her grandchildren’. So am I wrong for feeling annoyed and upset?

You're definitely being unreasonable.

YOU chose to have children, your mother has raised hers already.

Be grateful that you get any help at all, you sound really entitled and it's not nice.

Grandparents are supposed to enjoy their grandchildren, not be recruited to do everything for them.

I have 3 children , all lat 40’s ,
6 grandchildren and a great great grandchild
I would drop any non essential appointment to help my children if they were ill.
Even now and I’m in my mid 70s, I would still help them if they were desperate

Wow, you’re so demeaning of women being unwell, Did you get someone (anyone) to parent your children when you had a headache?

So demeaning that any woman would expect that a headache meant they had to call in help.

So misogynistic!

So you excuse a DF not helping for a “headache” but another woman should?

Except she is sick.

Ok, and what would a single mother with no family do? When you make the decision to have a child, you do so knowing that this is going to be a possibility. You really do just have to power through. If all you can give is 2%, then you've given 100%.

To answer your question, yes, you are being unreasonable to ask your mum to give up her gym session. She already gives you a huge help all day on a every week and the fact that neither MIL nor your husband can step in doesn't mean it's up to your mum to give up even more time.
You and your husband decided to have the kids and now you gotta look after them - even when you're ill. You'll need to figure it out and fast as this will be the first of many times you need additional help with childcare.

Exactly
Some posters have issues with comprehension .
Op’s mother offered to come a bit later after her gym session . She knows her own child and obviously felt that Op could cope until the afternoon
Op, has the audacity to have a moan on MN .
She has a whole husband the father of the children.

You’re not too ill to be posting on here though?? Can’t be that bad.

The child is your responsibility , you had her. Your mum is living her life . She's not your childminder. Perhaps that's what you need . A paid child carer. So you can leave your child there for the day an a regular basis. I was a single parent after my divorce my daughter was three. my mum lived a ten minute walk from me. I'd never ask my mum to have my daughter she was at a child minder while I worked. Think about securing a full time carer.

Did you get angry at one of them if they didn't cancel their important, self care appointment for you? If so, you were entitled, like this poster. Nobody owes you care for your children, even family.

I agree. I am 66 now and raised 4 kids with no parental or PIL help. When I visit my son's family and my 2 young grandchildren, I have no idea how I did it. My grandchildren are the most beautiful things ever, but after an hour or 2 with them--I need a nap!