To not take child to party?

[Thirtygoesataname]

I have 3.5 year old boy girl twins. They go to nursery where all the children play together. A boy is having his 5th birthday and invited my daughter. I totally accept its his right to invite who he wants to his party. I also know my children are individuals and dont need to do everything together. However, they are still really young and wont really understand why one gets to go to softplay with children from nursery and not the other. They are also still at the stage of doing everything together and dont like to be apart for long. Im considering just declining the invite but I have always taken the view that if they get invited to a party they are going. I see so many parents sharing videos on social media of their children excited for their party then sitting there all sad because nobody turned up. It breaks my heart. Would I be unreasonable to decline this time to avoid hurting my little boy? There is no way my little girl wouldnt come back and talk about the party with the other children and being at softplay, nor should she have to. I appreciate this seems like a lot of fuss over nothing but I really dont know what to do for the best. There is no way I am going to message the other mum and ask if I can pay for my son to come, that just feels awkward and entitled.

you'd leave your 3 year old at a soft play party with a family you barely know? what happens when she needs the loo? or she can't remember what the people she's with look like? or she just gets bumped or overwhelmed? you think the Mom who's throwing the party is going to sort out a poo emergency 🥰😀, make sure they don't get stuck atop the bog slide, make sure they don't wander somewhere they shouldn't?

I think it's daft not to ask if you think it's likely the mum doesn't know they're twins. For my child's 4th birthday we were rather grasping at straws as to which nursery friends to ask, our child only gave us a few names, the rest we just asked the nursery for suggestions. (Which he was perfectly happy about.) I absolutely would not have asked one twin and not the othe, but now you come to mention it, I don't know whether there are any twins at nursery. Obviously they will grow until being their own people with their own interests and friends but it's all a work in progress at 3 anyway.

God this is a painful read. The twins are 3.5 NOT 5 ffs OP can’t just drop one off and leave!! JFC. I think you did the right thing op

They just said nursery may have provided names of children the birthday child plays with, which could very well have happened (although I really can't imagine the nursery would have listed one twin without the other, so it's more likely it was the child who was asked who he wanted to invite).

The other poster didn't say surnames would be included in a list, you did by suggesting the fact they have the same surname would have been a clue they were twins. I'm just pointing out that a nursery should never publish full names of children so that won't have happened. They may give out first names, but never full names.

Also how come the 5 Yr old is still in nursery and not in school?

Just take DD. It's not fair for her to miss out because the other isn't invited.
You could ask if you could pay for ds to attend but not do the party room bit.
I've had that with multiple parties and siblings have joined for the play

We are in scotland, children dont have to start primary 1 if they are not 5 by the August they could start. We also dont have pre-school.

Actually the signing in and out register has all the children's full names on it. Having said that, I still doubt the mum would have noticed, I certainly couldn't tell you anyone's surname.

That wouldn't be a GDPR breach in itself as it's inside the nursery (although not really best practice, I'm surprised to hear they do that). General rule of thumb is no more than two pieces of identifiable information should be presented together. So you can have the child's first name and photo alongside each other on their peg, but no surname with it. You could have the child's name and birthday listed on a birthday display, but no accompanying photo and definitely no surname. If the register has their name and surname, it shouldn't have their photo and/or DOB too etc.

They definitely wouldn't be able to send full names out to other parents though, in correspondence which is leaving the nursery premises. That would be a GDPR breach.

I don’t even believe they’d give out first names never mind full names, nobody said ‘first’ name, they just said names. Given that I don’t believe either first or last would be given I just responded to the previous poster using their hypothetical scenario in which names (unspecified) were given…

Are you feeling ok?

I think i would decline.
But then when they start school I would ask for separate classes and start accepting individual invitations then.

Peachy, you?

First names, not a problem. Surnames, absolutely not.

Glad we cleared that up.

If i was having a party I would invite both kids, I think the parents are out of order for not doing so.

And in your position I would decline the invite, your own child's wellbeing should come first. They are too little to understand why one is being invited and not the other. I think it's incredibly unkind.

At 3.5 i wouldn't take your son to the same soft play, being left behind while his friends go into the party room is far worse than his sister going to a party without him.
I'd ask someone else to watch your daughter, and have some lovely 121 with your son, doing something else.
It's ok for them to do things apart. It's good for them, providing its handled well.

You are absolutely Right. Twins are not just siblings , they need special care and consideration. People who reply to your post should only do so if they have experience of being A TWIN. I expect that not many will. Twins need to be together ALWAYS. Till grown up obviously.

Just pay for your boy twin to go as well. Text the other mum and explain. I have 2 older kids 18 months apart plus twins the same age as yours and this is what I do as it makes it easier to navigate parties.

I don't see what's wrong with asking if the twin brother can go. If the answer is no the mum can say no.