To not take child to party?

[Thirtygoesataname]

I have 3.5 year old boy girl twins. They go to nursery where all the children play together. A boy is having his 5th birthday and invited my daughter. I totally accept its his right to invite who he wants to his party. I also know my children are individuals and dont need to do everything together. However, they are still really young and wont really understand why one gets to go to softplay with children from nursery and not the other. They are also still at the stage of doing everything together and dont like to be apart for long. Im considering just declining the invite but I have always taken the view that if they get invited to a party they are going. I see so many parents sharing videos on social media of their children excited for their party then sitting there all sad because nobody turned up. It breaks my heart. Would I be unreasonable to decline this time to avoid hurting my little boy? There is no way my little girl wouldnt come back and talk about the party with the other children and being at softplay, nor should she have to. I appreciate this seems like a lot of fuss over nothing but I really dont know what to do for the best. There is no way I am going to message the other mum and ask if I can pay for my son to come, that just feels awkward and entitled.

Agreed. Ask someone else DH or Grandparent to do something with your son while your daughter goes to the party.

When they start school they won't both be invited to the same things.

You are overthinking this.

They can both have a nice time (separately).
X

I can guarantee you schools certainly do. every Christmas we get a list of names so we can do Xmas cards

It isn't mean if the boy plays with the girl twin more than the boy twin. That's what parties are for.

Double post.

Exactly. It might be different at 7/8, but at this age? Very strange for the parent to have invited one twin and not the other when it’s the opposite sex DC who had been invited!

I’ve been on the other end of this. My daughter’s 4th birthday I asked her which friends she wanted to come and she gave me some names. I sent invites and got a response from one parent asking if the invite was for both girls. I was mortified as I had no idea they were twins, my daughter only played with one of them and they were not identical. I adjusted the numbers and it was no problem to add an extra. My point is, just message the host and explain. As they are boy/girl it’s likely they didn’t know either. Just offer to pay for the extra, although I’m sure it won’t be necessary.

I would let my dd attend party who knows next party could be son invited and not dd. I would do something nice with my son as mum and son day out .

She can when her child is 3 and as the mother she needs to do what’s best for her children’s relationship and mental health.

What the fuckity fuck?

My twins are 6 and still I would decline because they do everything together they are each others best friends I wouldn't hurt the feeling of my own child to save the feeling of someone else's child when that adult didn't care how my child would feel. Who invites one twin and not the other at 3.5

You are totally over thinking this. Whenever my child has a party invite and I can’t get childcare for my younger one I often ask if he can come and either pay for him if an activity or bring his own packed lunch etc…I have never had a “no” yet. And there are usually lots of others at parties with their other children in tow.

pretty sure the other parent is just not aware of your situation.

Agreed this is a very common situation.

You will stay with your child at soft play do just ecplain that there are two of them and will pay the entrance fee for the uninvited child - win win situation no drama!

At this age, I would just decline. They don't need to be "learning lessons" about this at 3.5 and I wouldn't want the hassle.
Once they go to school however, I would expect them to not always be invited (especially as a lot of schools out twins in separate classes to help them socialise) and at the point, it would become necessary to teach them that's how it goes sometimes.

As a parent of twins myself, if my twins were in the same class both always got invited. I suspect the parent doesn't know yours are twins. At 3.5 in nursery, I would either decline the invitation as your children are not used to being separated, or bring your son along and pay separately for him.

If they are in different classes (mine were in the same class for pre-school, but different classes in school) then they are used to being separated and doing different things, and one going to a party alone is totally fine.

That's the way it worked when mine were little. They are individuals but may not be ready to be separated for the party, which to me is totally understandable