Childcare for nephew

[Childcarehelpneeded]

My sister has recently moved house and now lives close to us. She has a son who is 9. My nephew finished the school year at his old school but will be moving to our local primary school that is a 10 minute walk from where live from September for year 5.

My sister works Monday-Thursday, leaving the house at 8am and getting home at 6pm. Her plan was to use before and after school clubs or a childminder for my nephew. She has enquired about them but breakfast club only has space on Mondays and the after school club is full. She says there are only a few childminders that cover our village annd primary school and they are all fully booked.

She has asked if our our nephew can come to our house before school on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday mornings from 8am and after school each day Monday-Thursday, until she gets home at 6pm. He will be walking to and from school himself so we wouldn’t need to actually take him.

We don’t want to commit to doing this. We only have our youngest child at home full time as she is at college and is mostly independent. Our older children are away at university in term time. We both work from home, although I only work 3 days, but often we don’t have to start work til 10am. We sometimes have a lie in and a lazy start to the day and then we work til 6pm ish.

My sister doesn’t feel my nephew is responsible enough to leave the house on time to get himself to school, lock up and be at home for 2 hours by himself after school, which I agree with. She seems to think that as we don’t have to actually take him to school or pick him up, that this is no bother to us at all. I know in reality that won’t be the case as we will have to be up in the morning with him and obviously we wouldn’t ignore him after school. He’ll want to chat, play, have food etc and we need to be working. She says he can watch tv or go on his iPad but inevitably, it will disturb our work and our life.

I have said that this doesn’t work for us, but have offered to do 1 day if she can sort out the other days. I was a SAHM when our children were young so I didn’t have to worry about childcare and don’t know what other options there are. Are there any obvious options we are missing? We don’t have any other family locally and all her friends work full time so have their own childcare to sort out. Her ex is a waste of space and doesn’t see my nephew regularly.

Do childminder spaces become available regularly? The school have said it’s unlikely a space will open up at breakfast club and after school club as they have a long waiting list.

After years of raising our own children, we thought we were free of this and I can’t help but feel annoyed at being made to feel like we have to help. AIBU? Any advice about other childcare options welcome. Thank you.

Can she change her work start times so that she can take him in the mornings? And then he comes to you after school, with strict rules that he is not to disturb you when you are working. He would have homework to be getting on with most likely, or he could watch TV.

I would try and help her, it sounds like she’s in a difficult situation.

Tell her to get him onto waiting lists for childcare, it’s likely this would only be an arrangement for a year as places will free up as next year’s Year 6 kids go onto secondary school.

Fair enough, but if you pick a school and it advertises breakfast and after school clubs but when you sign up they don’t have the space, there isn’t much you can do about that. When we started primary school we got a space, but the following year they had very few.

The problem with doing it temporarily is you become the bad guy if you push for the arrangement to change - the good deed will not go unpunished.

OP is WORKING until 6pm. She's not available to watch the child. I'd say I'm needed at the office now, and won't be home anyway.

If course it's not always possible. But everyone has a legal right to make a flexible working request. A business can often accommodate someone leaving at 3pm & finishing their working hours at home, or staggering with a partner so they work slightly earlier or later hours than average to do either that drops or pick ups. Businesses want to keep good people and they are used to people being limited by what childcare hours they can find.

Here it doesn't sound like her sister has put in a flexible working request and been told no, it sounds like she wants OP to cover it so she doesn't need to ask about rearranging her own hours. Which is a bit unreasonable given it's within OP s normal working day.

But there is a central difference of opinion. here that sister thinks it won't disrupt your work, OP. and you disagree. She thinks she is asking for a much smaller favour than you think she is asking for. And that has potential to cause a lot of resentment on both sides.

Could you're daughter who is at College do it as a paid job but at his house? That way it doesn't intrude on your family life but she could earn some money? Just a thought

This is so easy, say no. Your sister is the Mother, down to her to sort childcare.
The be kind village people may not have a life but you do. Ignore them.

I would say no to it full stop but if you do one day make sure you sister understands its one day snd you are not doing anymore free childcare.

"It takes a village!" The war cry of entitled parents.

I would offer a compromise. Nephew comes to you in the mornings, 4 days a week. If he arrives at 8am (having already had breakfast at home), then if school starts around 8.40am, he’ll presumably leave at 8.30am to walk there . I’d say no to after school entirely, explain your work is often busiest in the late afternoons, with online meetings, etc. She’ll have to adjust her own working hours or employ someone somehow.

To all those saying that OP is terrible for not doing this, have you read the first post ?
OP and her husband are actually at WORK ! The same as the sister is..They just do it in a different location. If the sister is not allowed to take their child to work then why is it deemed fine for OP to do it ?

Of the OP agrees to this then she will have to change her work hours and the days will be longer for her, take her annual leave at times that perhaps dont suit as she will be needed during school term.

Your sister needs to make a flexible working request to her work.

I would help with the before school part but not after school as you are working.

I can’t believe some of the posters here who think that you should just…

agree to have him mornings despite finally after years of child rearing being able to have a lie in, and after school till 6, despite working and despite him being the sort of child who needs entertaining.

do this despite working yourself and being paid to do so.

do all this free

do all this despite having dogs meaning the child would need to be supervised.

Do this, whether they are ill, the child is ill, it’s an inset day or the holiday.

Offer to cook the sister dinner afterwards because she’ll be tired after a day at work!

In morning I would just stick on tv or iPad could you leave out a snack and do same evening I doubt he’d want much chat, doesn’t sound much really and places might open up at clubs so wouldn’t be be forever.

Posts like this make me wonder if people even bother reading the OP’s detailed posts.

Have you read the OP’s posts where she says her daughter’s college hours make this impossible?

She chose to

• have a child with a deadbeat
• move away from the grandparents
• remove him from a school where he had wraparound care, to a new school without securing wraparound provisions first

These are not your problems to solve, OP. Working firm home is still WORKING, not doing 8 wraparound sessions per week/feeding the nephew/supervising the separation of the nephew and dogs. It’s also unfair to lock you into school dates for your holidays. It may “take a village,” but the villagers need to not be making piss-poor decisions whilst expecting the other villagers to come in and pick up the pieces from the fallout.

Not many clinical healthcare workers can finish their work at home! Bus drivers, power station workers, delivery drivers, construction workers, hairdressers….you know…people that have important jobs!

She chose to

• have a child with a deadbeat
• move away from the grandparents
• remove him from a school where he had wraparound care, to a new school without securing wraparound provisions first

These are not your problems to solve, OP. Working firm home is still WORKING, not doing 8 wraparound sessions per week/feeding the nephew/supervising the separation of the nephew and dogs. It’s also unfair to lock you into school dates for your holidays. It may “take a village,” but the villagers need to not be making piss-poor decisions whilst expecting the other villagers to come in and pick up the pieces from the fallout.

She needs to get on local Facebook etc groups asap and if there’s any recommendations for childcare.

Where is the child going every day now for the 6 weeks?

Amen to that
" The Village" is always one way imho

It's not your responsibility! A day a week is already very generous

She can change her working hours
She can employ a nanny or au-pair
She can find other parents and swap mornings and afternoons

I would help out if it was a set amount of time (1 or 2 weeks until the space is available, if the space was booked, paid for and a definite)
Or until the au-pair starts

But not as free childcare because she just wants the lazy and cheaper option

I find it shocking tbh that anyhone is saying a 9 year old needs no real attention or care!

This is a child going into year 5 - they are young still! They need someone to check in on them, talk to them - help organise if they want to go to the park/ see friends etc.

We really have just abandoned child development I sometimes think - it's not at all appropriate for a 9 year old to just 'go on an ipad' from 3 til 6 every day - if his parent can't be there he should be in age appropraite childcare.

She could put a note out among school parents offering to pay for shared care for example - or she could hire a local older woman whose kids are grown - there are plenty of ways to find childcare if you are prepared to pay it will be available.

I had an au pair once it was amaaazing.best childcare I've ever had - just so incredible not to worry about being a few mins late home etc. Would highly recommend.

Sorry , I would have no problem with a 9 year old nephew coming to my house . Old enough to have a key . But then I would just continue on with my own stuff . He could come and go , eat cereal , watch TV and I would still not get up earlier than I wanted to . Lock the door behind him .
I do not understand why some MNrs get so uptight about their house or so called privacy . This is your sister's kid not some randomer . And then other MNrs moan about lack of family support. Very disappointing.

That's the problem when a sibling with children moves nearby. My sister was forever asking for help with her then-two under 10s when we lived in London. My partner and i don't have kids, so it was annoying. "oh can I just drop them with you, I have a late meeting" etc. "oh can they stay over Friday night?" No! I cherished Friday nights in London, especially as we both worked over 12 hours a day out of the house. Friday nights were for doing exactly what we wanted.

Also by agreeing to this, you lose all your freedom and that peace of mind that can only come when you've raised and sent off your own children. As you say, you can no longer lie in, you can't do anything off the cuff or take yourselves off anywhere last-minute. This is especially aggravating when you already raised children who are now grown up, like me (not my partner's child) and you're free again.

I'd be happy to help on the odd occasion but no way should she be asking this. It's way too much. You'll be completely constricted and your time will be fully controlled by the kid. No way will he just sit quietly. He's 9. He'll be asking questions and getting hungry and wanting to play.

It's definitely not your problem and if you're working then you obviously can't do it. She needs a babysitter. There must be some local teen who'd be up for making a few quid just to watch telly with him? The mornings, well she may have no choice but make him get himself to school. Or change her hours.

But you mustn't feel compelled to find a solution for her. You've offered one day and that generous enough.