Childcare for nephew

[Childcarehelpneeded]

My sister has recently moved house and now lives close to us. She has a son who is 9. My nephew finished the school year at his old school but will be moving to our local primary school that is a 10 minute walk from where live from September for year 5.

My sister works Monday-Thursday, leaving the house at 8am and getting home at 6pm. Her plan was to use before and after school clubs or a childminder for my nephew. She has enquired about them but breakfast club only has space on Mondays and the after school club is full. She says there are only a few childminders that cover our village annd primary school and they are all fully booked.

She has asked if our our nephew can come to our house before school on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday mornings from 8am and after school each day Monday-Thursday, until she gets home at 6pm. He will be walking to and from school himself so we wouldn’t need to actually take him.

We don’t want to commit to doing this. We only have our youngest child at home full time as she is at college and is mostly independent. Our older children are away at university in term time. We both work from home, although I only work 3 days, but often we don’t have to start work til 10am. We sometimes have a lie in and a lazy start to the day and then we work til 6pm ish.

My sister doesn’t feel my nephew is responsible enough to leave the house on time to get himself to school, lock up and be at home for 2 hours by himself after school, which I agree with. She seems to think that as we don’t have to actually take him to school or pick him up, that this is no bother to us at all. I know in reality that won’t be the case as we will have to be up in the morning with him and obviously we wouldn’t ignore him after school. He’ll want to chat, play, have food etc and we need to be working. She says he can watch tv or go on his iPad but inevitably, it will disturb our work and our life.

I have said that this doesn’t work for us, but have offered to do 1 day if she can sort out the other days. I was a SAHM when our children were young so I didn’t have to worry about childcare and don’t know what other options there are. Are there any obvious options we are missing? We don’t have any other family locally and all her friends work full time so have their own childcare to sort out. Her ex is a waste of space and doesn’t see my nephew regularly.

Do childminder spaces become available regularly? The school have said it’s unlikely a space will open up at breakfast club and after school club as they have a long waiting list.

After years of raising our own children, we thought we were free of this and I can’t help but feel annoyed at being made to feel like we have to help. AIBU? Any advice about other childcare options welcome. Thank you.

Where are all the fathers in this set up?

If you don’t want to you don’t want to. It would have been the beyond the perfect solution but potentially it’s years of it as it’s not nice for even young teens to have to let themselves in and be on their own a few hours (my son aged 13 said he hated walking into the silence and was always grateful when people got home).

People have suggested various options and you are knocking them back because you don't want to do it. That it the crux of it and is absolutely fair enough. What you now need to do is be firm in your boundary that you can only do 1 day a week and not be guilt tripped into doing anymore.

YANBU. You’re both working and this would affect your working life. It’s her who needs to adjust her working day not you! What does she think other working parents do?

This.

And she will definitely push harder for more if she gets a foot in the door.

No I don’t think you’re being unreasonable, but I would do this for my sister. Most normal 9 year olds don’t need any supervision. I work from home regularly with an 11, 8 and 5 year old at home with no problems.

You could maybe say you’ll help til Christmas, but expect her to use that time to sort it out?

Wouldnt your your child like to do this - maybe a paid babysitting gig? Maybe she has mates that would like to as well as a bit of a job share?

No it’s not your job to fix, but in my family we pull together to support each other.

Speaking from experience, don't offer to cover temporarily, you will never get out of it!

It's the exact opposite of the perfect solution, except for the CF mother whose actual job it is to sort out her son's care.

And the last line says it all. Your sister won't give up her time to look after her own child, but wants you to give up your time. Be careful that the 1 day doesn't expand. Expect your boundaries to be pushed. If you wanted to do this, you would have offered in the first place, but you've been asked and been put in a difficult position. More and more will be expected of you. I wouldn't start this arrangement in the first place.

Asking for help from family is not being a CF. Expecting help and feeling entitled to it is.

I hate this mentality it just mean.

Her sister is probably panicking about the situation. It’s ok to ask for help.

Unless I HATED my sister I'd do it for a term or 2 on the basis it was a short term arrangement and she needed to be waitilisting.

As it is you arent going to do it so to beb helpful at least I'd suggest an aupair (which would prob box tick this situation quite well)

Can she get an au pair? We had one for this exact situation as a child. I’m not sure what the cost is, and they’d have to live in your house, but I don’t imagine it’s massively more than wraparound care and she’d have them for the holiday. My sister was an au pair in Germany a few years ago and was paid €250 a month plus board and lodging.

Nope, trying to shift your childcare needs to your sister is indeed cheeky fuckery. She should not have asked this overwhelmingly huge ask which would change OPs life for the worse.

The cheeky fucker sister was indeed being mean by asking.

Anybody normal could see that tying someone down (who is actually working anyway) to looking after your child week in week out for God knows how long is beyond rude and entitled. It doesn't pass the reasonable person test, at all.

No, it's not ok to ask your family to make their lives much worse because it makes your own life easier.

Reasonable people don't make these sorts of demands, and moving close to OP was step one in the cheeky fuckery plan.

OP needs to nip this right in the bud right now.

Personally I would offer the mornings only, I wouldn’t mind getting up a little earlier to see one of my nieces/nephews and helping out one of my siblings. He’s only there for a short time before he heads to school so your dogs etc could be popped in another room if you’re concerned.
Good childminders usually have a list, and our schools after school club is full as well. Her only choices is a live out nanny, ask and offer to pay another parent who has a child in the same year (you don’t have to be registered as a childminder if only 2 hours a day), or change her work days to finish earlier.

Yep, boiling it down the CF sister will just have to pay for some sort of childcare, whatever that looks like, for her own child.

OP does mind being forced out of bed to look after her sister's son early though. She made that clear.

Childminders are like hens teeth to be fair.

I can completely understand why the OP doesn’t want to do this but then what will they do? I know that isn’t the OPs problem but it’s hard to watch someone you love struggle and go under.

It's kind of you to offer 1 day. Has your sister asked on the local Facebook community page? I'm sure there would be another mum that would be grateful for some extra cash for 3 days wrap around each week.

I’d do this for my sister. The boy is 9, he can let himself in, have cereal at the kitchen table, clean up after himself and head the school. He just needs to get into the routine of it. He’s probably sleepy in the mornings. After school he can watch TV, and fetch himself a snack. I’d be strict on the house rules.

Tinks2026 - I think we have different families (and villages)

I like to help my family and my family would help me.

Id be really sad if they felt they couldn’t ask me for help.

She needs to get herself onto the parents WhatsApp. There might be another parent on there willing to do some unofficial childminding for a bit of cash. I bet if she posts on the schools facebook page they will add her on

I know, and that’s her choice, although I doubt she’s being dragged out of bed at 7.45 when she’s probably had to get up to deal with her pets before then.
OP has every right to say no which is why my post gave other suggestions, I just said I personally would do the mornings to help out a sibling and see a family member. In 2 years he’ll be off to secondary, it’s not a forever thing….

She needs to move him back to his old school then until she gets a childminder space🤷‍♀️ simple as! She clearly moved near to you assuming you would take over the slack mornings and afternoons and probably cook them dinner too

I think it would be 1 year though because presumably a bunch of spaces would open up when the year 6s leave.