AIBU to feel jealous of another mum’s post-baby bounce back?

[Ohbeehave]

I know it’s not fair to be jealous, but there’s a mum at my mum and baby group with a one month old. She looks fantastic, wears cropped tops and you can see a bit of ab definition. She always tucks into the biscuits, and when I ask how she’s bounced back she just says she doesn’t have time but is breastfeeding.
Im there with an 18 month old, work hard and go to bootcamp and am heavier than when I was pregnant 😭 life just isn’t fair.
Do you really think she’s just lucky or is there some sort of trick to this kind of bounce back I am missing. I know my husband is disappointed with how long it’s taking me. I had been telling him to be kind and I’d just given birth, but now with this woman I think I am kidding myself.

Some of the comments are just wrong. A lot is not genetics and luck. It is really eating healthy and exercising. Both my mum and nan were/are overweight and I was overweight as a child. Once I started eating very healthy, mainly plant based I kept on being slim. I still have 4 kilos that I never lost after my second was born but I was very slim before I had him.

Of course it can take time to lose the baby weight and a few months to 1-2 years is reasonable but it is down to hard work and a healthy lifestyle and not genetics and luck! People need to take responsibility for their health and not just blame genetics or luck.

A good man’s love and attraction usually grows stronger for the mother of his child, when he’s not superficial.
Love your wonderful body the way you love your baby, without your body there would be no baby as the children get older you appreciate the stretch marks much more, they’re a lovely reminder of what your body achieved.

I lost all my weight very quickly by being so stressed from the heartbreak of being left by my fiance at 8m pregnant and having no appetite or time to make food for myself. I looked like a supermodel but I wasn’t healthy or happy

Some of the comments are just wrong. A lot is not genetics and luck.

And a lot is.

So how are the comments 'wrong'?

Mind was 100% genetics and luck, with all 3 of my DC.

And my appetite never increased at all during my pregnancies, which was pure luck.

it's as stupid as saying that natural birth or c-sections are not just down to 'luck"

but it is down to hard work and a healthy lifestyle and not genetics and luck!
Don't be so ridiculous.

For some women it's much harder work, circumstances make a big difference.

What's hyperemesis gravidarium, then? Genetics or good luck?

Didn't change the damage done to my centre section during delivery, whatever it was.

I walked miles and was breast feeding a lot with my DD1 as she had reflux as was puking up whole feeds and needing to be fed again. I was utterly exhausted and could have screamed every time I saw a BF poster telling me I would lose weight by BF. I didn’t lose anything until I stopped BF and DD started sleeping through the night. I joined WW and lost two stone. It wasn’t easy but it was doable. Utterly impossible for me whilst sleep deprived and BF. I did meet BF mums who were worried they were losing too much weight. I tried to hide my raging envy. My DH was my cheerleader throughout and never made me feel like I was less attractive than the day we met.

Sorry your husband is disappointed!?!?? 😮 you deffo have a husband problem right there.
I had a baby 18 months ago too and was lucky to bounce back. I had a c-section so was swollen for a few weeks and when that went down I was back to my normal size - I didn’t breastfeed but I also had a very nauseas pregnancy so ended up lighter than I was before pregnancy. I put in 4kg during IVF but lost that sometimes during the morning sickness I guess but maybe the hormones played a role? I don’t know.
however I’ve now put on 3kg due to eating biscuits and cake at baby groups (daily 🙈) and needing the sugar for energy levels (wrong move!) so with clothes I look my “bounced back self” but without I definitely need to tone up and work out, I just don’t have the time yet. I actually don’t like my body now as it has definitely changed since pregnancy, even though “I’ve bounced back” - everything is different! But the difference if my husband is very encouraging of my body and tells me how much he loves it now - and he tells me to stop being hard on myself because I’ve literally just grown a baby!!
you need to be kind to yourself as you are doing amazing and you are a new mummy!! 🩷 one day the weight will go!
but your husband needs to be kind to you too - I think it’s horrid that he’s talking about your body like that.

Literally point out one single part of either of my posts that was nasty, bitter, unpleasant or made any suggestion of my experience post partum being easier that yours or the OP’s.

You’re defensive and reading things that aren’t there.

Your husband is disappointed?

Poor old husband, eh?

Really polly?

No it is not. The reality is that being overweight is in 90% of cases the result of overeating (of course compared to how many calories one burns). The other 10% of cases are due to medication or people unable to exercise. Nothing to do with luck or genetics! This is what people say to justify an unhealthy lifestyle.
Yes, we all have an appetite but people who are slim control it. Again, nothing to do with luck or genetics but a lot to do with prioritising one’s health.

Lots of things make a difference.
First pregnancy vs subsequent.
Younger mothers, on average, recover quicker.
Not gaining excessive weight during pregnancy means less to lose.
Basal fitness and activity levels.
Concurrent health status.
Personal motivation.
Genetics.
Etc.

Any combination of the above will make it more or less difficult on an individual basis.

More to the point, your husband is the disappointment here. That is where your thoughts should be focused, not at another mum whose recovery is irrelevant to yours.

Not voted because not sure how it would be interpreted.

YABU - because you are being hard on yourself.

YANBU - not everyone bounces back and it’s okay to feel this way.

edit to remove comment about husband as your update said he hadn’t actually said anything to you about being disappointed it’s just how you think he feels.

stop comparing yourself to other people.

Some people do bounce back through luck and genetics (as said, I am one of them).

You not accepting that, makes no difference to anything 🤷‍♂️

Tell your husband to take a giant flying fuck to himself, would be my advice.

@NataliaO No because a lot of it is genetic, whether you get stretchmarks, if your skin is loose, how quickly your hormones go back to normal and how much you hold onto excess body fat.

Yes overeating causes weight gain but someone with Irish heritage for example is likely to have a harder time getting rid of extra weight due to the famine surviving genetics that they carry.

I am not bitter I am a "bounce back" type. But to say genetics are not relevant is just incorrect.

No it is not according to science. Everyone can eat healthy as long as they prioritise properly (beans and oats for instance are cheap, nourishing and healthy). Nowadays, however, people stopped taking responsibility for their health. It isn’t normal that most women in their 30s are obese or overweight. The comments on this thread just show how women make excuses for unhealthy lifestyles. The people who are slim just due to luck are probably less than 1% of the population. The rest just do not overeat or exercise a lot!

This obesity crisis did not exist 20 or 50 years ago so it really cannot be genetics or luck. It is plain overeating compared to how much energy one burns.

Both times after giving birth I looked & felt really slim (was actually lighter than pre-pregnancy) for about the first 6months. Then weight just started to creep back on & stay on until I got back into an exercise routing. So it is completely unrealistic to be jealous of another mum so soon after giving birth. Try to stay positive & eat healthy, so much is going on in your body in the months after giving birth but it will settle down & you will find your way eventually.

It was pure luck for me. I was 22 and 25, I had never had to “control” my weight at that point. I ate what I wanted, I don’t even know what I weighed before/after/during pregnancy because I didn’t own scales or care. I was a size 8, I didn’t really put weight on around my body, and I actually looked quite unwell after my first as he was a very hungry baby and drained the life out of me! Absolutely no control on my part whatsoever. I was very lucky to not have stretch marks or a tummy, I have slim friends who have much more noticeable markers of pregnancy. I often assume it was my age. But whatever it was, it wasn’t control!

I've had three friends / family like this.

The first was naturally very thin and just sprung back into shape. I know for a fact she didn't work out.

The second said she did sit ups in the bath. Really gentle ones, not full ones. Apparently the weight of the water helped.

The third was breastfeeding and said it just fell off. I also know for a fact she didn't work out. None of these three starved themselves.

I put on about two stone and two dress sizes when I had my son, and I was only in my early 20s. Developed quite a large overhang which I still have, even when I recently lost perimenopause weight. It's just small now. It'll never go without surgery. Which I will never have.

so it's not LUCK to have an easy natural birth as opposed to a complicated natural or c-section with long-term physical issue?

If you say so.

Could you please enlighten us and explain what "healthy" lifestyle is only responsible for easy birth and quick bounce back?

What do women who prioritise their health actually DO, to ensure they have an easy pregnancy, birth and baby?

I cannot wait to hear .

Don't be so hard on yourself OP. I couldn't breastfeed and it took me several months of hard dieting and exercise to lose it. Two women who had babies at the same time were back in their size 8 jeans within 4 weeks. Just body type, genetics and some luck I think! Take care and tell your husband he is a fool (from me).

It’s genetics and luck. The only weight I put on when pregnant was the weight of the baby and fluid. Once I’d given birth I went straight back to my pre-baby weight and left hospital in my size 8 jeans. No effort required at all. I was too young and naive to realise how fortunate I was at the time.

But tell your husband to fuck right off.

TBF I lost a lot of weight in the first month or so of breastfeeding after a brutal birth and postpartum, and ended up with various deficiencies that had to be treated.

I was back to my mildly chubby old self by the time my son was a toddler as COVID had hit, and didn't lose it again until I stopped breastfeeding when he was 3.