AIBU to feel jealous of another mum’s post-baby bounce back?

[Ohbeehave]

I know it’s not fair to be jealous, but there’s a mum at my mum and baby group with a one month old. She looks fantastic, wears cropped tops and you can see a bit of ab definition. She always tucks into the biscuits, and when I ask how she’s bounced back she just says she doesn’t have time but is breastfeeding.
Im there with an 18 month old, work hard and go to bootcamp and am heavier than when I was pregnant 😭 life just isn’t fair.
Do you really think she’s just lucky or is there some sort of trick to this kind of bounce back I am missing. I know my husband is disappointed with how long it’s taking me. I had been telling him to be kind and I’d just given birth, but now with this woman I think I am kidding myself.

I lost all my weight by simply walking miles pushing the pram but I am concerned about your husband. In over 50 years my DH has never commented on my appearance and has always fancied me no matter how i look. Does he look the same as when you met?

I’ve said YABU but I really sympathise. There’s no trick to it - it’s just genetics and luck, and possibly age.

I was very slim and active pre pregnancy but gained a lot of weight during it - I had horrendous sickness and only carbs helped. I also bf but didn’t really lose any of it - I read later that some women’s bodies cling on to weight while bf as a protective mechanism, to ensure they’ve got supplies for the baby. Sure enough I dropped half a stone within a week or so of stopping bf, but there is another half stone that I’ve never lost, and my eldest is 8.

To me it’s more concerning that your DH is “disappointed” - wtf. You’ve given him a child; your body is amazing, and I’m willing to bet you do a lot more childcare than him. At 18 months your baby still needs you a lot and you’re probably not sleeping well, and that doesn’t help with weight loss either. Be kind to yourself and try not to compare. Your baby thinks you are the most beautiful woman in the world.

@Ohbeehave I just remember being so sick of the sight of food, having put on 4.5 stone during pregnancy, once I had my baby that I barely ate. That and feeling run ragged looking after said baby that I didn’t feel there was much time to sit and eat anyway. 5 stone dropped off in 7 months.

Same happened with my second child.

Yeah, just here to echo that what’s really concerning is your DH’s “disappointment,” which makes me wonder whether he’s the sort of husband and father who has even helped set the conditions for you to be able to focus on yourself enough to worry about things like diet and exercise…

I know my husband is disappointed with how long it’s taking me. I had been telling him to be kind and I’d just given birth,

Wow, be sure to be disappointed when his hair line starts to disappear.. but is that ok because he a man 💪.

Your husband should be nothing but proud of you. I’d bet you are also carrying the majority of of the physical and mental load.

I sympathise. I gained 80 pounds with my triplets. I’ve lost majority of the weight (maybe 10 pounds to go). I’ve been lucky with loose skin but my boobs have completely changed shape and can be crepey if I manipulate them a certain way. I am so embarrassed by how much it gets me down. I obsessively check women with larger boobs to see their shape. I thought I was less vain than this. I saw my SILs breasts and they look exactly the same. I have never felt more resentment tbh

Your husband is a cunt.

I hate the societal expectation that women ‘bounce back’ after such a massive event of pregnancy and birth on their bodies, coupled with the stress and hard work that caring for a baby and young child brings. And your husband can get in the bin. What is he doing to make you feel good and loved in your body? What is he doing to help your wellbeing? Is he giving you time to yourself to destress, time to sleep, time to prioritise exercise, cooking healthy balanced family meals?

"I know my husband is disappointed with how long it’s taking me." Ouch. Really?? What on earth has he got to be disappointed with! That would make me very angry. What's he doing to help give you the time and headspace to make any changes that you might want to make?

It's just the luck of the draw. I bounced back with dc1 and dc2 without any effort, ebf but no exercise at all, though lots of walking as I liked getting out to baby groups in different areas. With dc3 it was much harder and I went up 3 dress sizes, I was over 40 and it was much harder to shift the weight. I have only managed to drop down again now dc3 is 4 and I had help with WLIs. If they are an option for you I'd recommend them, it makes losing weight far easier though it's pricey.

You haven't got a weight problem, you've got a husband problem.

He's a vile man if he is expressing disappointment that you haven't returned to your pre-pregnancy body. Tell him to do some research on the effects pregnancy can have on a woman's body. He should be adoring your body as it grew his child.

You may never get back to your pre pregnancy weight, a lot is genetics and luck, the same as stretch marks.

Your husband is disappointed? He can go fcuk himself. What a toss pot

It's genetics and luck and your husband is a knob. I am 2 or 3 dress sizes bigger than I was before DC1 and now I am waiting to stop breastfeeding DC2 before I try GLPs- which might not be until she's 2+

I lost weight rapidly while breastfeeding, and both mine were EBF for over a year each. So I was able to wear crop tops and shorts. I have never set foot in a gym in my life.

Your DH sounds like a total dick. You just grew a whole human in your body. He can just fuck off with his opinions on what it should look like. We are all different.

Sorry op, but I’m shocked at you feeling pressure from your dh. Why the hell does he get to be disappointed in you??

your body produced a whole human. What great thing did he do that he gets to be disappointed?

I sympathise OP, when I gave birth to my Dd, there was another woman on the ward who had her baby within an hour of me. She had no stomach whatsoever, she was wearing a fitted pj vest top and she looked amazing!! I still looked around sixth months pregnant. I won’t deny I felt upset about it, whether it’s luck genetics or whatever it still felt unfair!

I “bounced back” with DC1 because their Dad left me when she was 7 months old and a week later my Mum was diagnosed with cancer. I lost all appetite, stopped eating, stopped breastfeeding and lost 5 stone.
I was thin and depressed.

DC2 was born last summer, I am now 32 weeks pregnant with DC3 and could be mistaken for a bouncy castle rather than having bounced back 😂
It’s mostly genetics, outside support and willpower sometimes.
I have zero willpower right now but I know it’ll
come back.

I would consider telling your husband to wind his neck in and tell him he can have your 1 year old by himself for a couple of hours while you leave the house to go exercise, sleep, relax, shut off, have your hair done, go shopping etc.

There was no trick for me.

I 'bounced back' around 3-4 days after all three of my births and I didn't breastfeed any of them.

But I hardly gained any extra weight in pregnancy anyway and for some very strange reason (because I've never been into sports or the gym), all the medical staff used to say I had very strong stomach muscles 🤷‍♂️

So sometimes it's just luck.

Who cares what she does? Your idiot husband is your problem.

Can you really not understand people's bodies work differently not all bodies are the same?

It is mainly genetics I think, I’m a week pp and my stomach is already almost flat again and people are commenting on it. However I am breastfeeding and have two other pre schoolers and a husband who had to go back to work immediately, so I’m on my feet a lot more than I should be at this stage, still in nappies and I have piles so if it helps, it’s not all as good as it looks externally 😅

Your husband being disappointed is the issue here though, you gave birth to his baby and he has no right to be commenting on your body.

It just is what it is, I looked like I never had a baby about 3 days after giving birth. I was sick as a dog the whole way though and wouldn't recommend it to anyone.

Your husband sounds like an arsehole though.

It's genetics. I'm sure you have a lot of lovely features and traits she might not have.

So you’re a bounce back mum! Most of us don’t drop weight just from walking miles a day with the pram.

Agree the OP’s DH sounds like an absolute turd.

Breastfeeding works backwards for some of us, me included, rha crap sleep and insatiable hunger meant I gained 2 stone breastfeeding and lost it quicky when I stopped. My personal trainer has a 3 month old and was back in the gym 4 weeks post partim in a size 6. The girl lives for working out. Dyou know what though her mum and sister are right there to babysit anytime and she bottle feeds. It's not the same as breastfeeding with no supportive childcare options .

However I realised that and just did my best to stay healthy and recognised time would pass. By the time the second came I was more prepared and under that everything is a phase.

Comparison is the thief of joy.