AIBU to feel jealous of another mum’s post-baby bounce back?

[Ohbeehave]

I know it’s not fair to be jealous, but there’s a mum at my mum and baby group with a one month old. She looks fantastic, wears cropped tops and you can see a bit of ab definition. She always tucks into the biscuits, and when I ask how she’s bounced back she just says she doesn’t have time but is breastfeeding.
Im there with an 18 month old, work hard and go to bootcamp and am heavier than when I was pregnant 😭 life just isn’t fair.
Do you really think she’s just lucky or is there some sort of trick to this kind of bounce back I am missing. I know my husband is disappointed with how long it’s taking me. I had been telling him to be kind and I’d just given birth, but now with this woman I think I am kidding myself.

Don’t worry op, absolutely none of my friends have gone back to their ‘pre-baby body’ before their kids were older and they had more time for themselves.

My youngest is 2 and a half and i feel gross. But i work 5 days a week and have 2 young kids, one is a shit sleeper and the other needs some SEN support and I’m knackered. Very little time to exercise and i have to account for the fact that the other 3 people in my house need a good amount of calories for dinner.

Oh and no one I know IRL even wore crop tops before having kids.

Not everyone puts on weight in pregnancy, luck of the draw for some, sticking to usual eating habits for others. I only had a bump so after a week I was back in normal jeans. I’ve known slim people put on 4 stone in pregnancy, there’s no rhyme or reason.

It’s pointless comparing yourself to others, but agree you have a DH problem.

I was pre pregnancy weight within a couple of months with my first and it was a combination of breastfeeding, walking miles with a colicky baby strapped to me and absolutely crippling post partum anxiety. I really wouldnt wish the last two on anyone. She may seem chilled but you really never know what peole are experiencing. I came across as managing well but I was having a terrible time and my adrenaline was through the roof! It feels unfair but everyone is different and being a new mum is tough so give yourself grace. Your body has done something incredible and you are healthy, you will get where you want to be with your weight, its just taking longer than you would like. Btw if your husband is making you feel bad then hes being an absolute dickhead. X

There are so many factors.

After DS1 (just shy of 10 lbs) I was back to flat stomach in 2 weeks. He was VERY grisly so lots of pram walks, even though it was winter (I walked fast!), then he was also breastfed and hungry so that uses up about 500 calories a day.

After that I had twins with one in intensive care. I expressed milk (so again burning a lot of calories) but also had to push one baby back and forth to deliver milk and visit the intensive care one. It was really physically demanding so it was about 4 weeks and back to normal. I was 36 at the time so skin less elastic.

I also ate quite healthily as I was breastfeeding.

So I guess the factors are age, breastfeeding, diet, how much exercise you are doing etc... and then genetics probably also play a small factor.

Don't judge yourself against others though.

I've always been very skinny, to the point of often being underweight, without effort - but AFTER giving birth I was three stone heavier both times I gave birth. I have no idea what causes some to gain a lot and others not - I've never policed my diet and just eat when hungry.

My first baby all the weight had gone by a year, my second I was still a stone heavier a year later!

I think it depends on a lot of factors, mainly genetics but also how fit you were before and during pregnancy, how much weight you gained and breastfeeding. If you are normally slim and can eat anything you will probably go back to it quicker than if you were overweight before pregnancy.
I had hyperemesis in pregnancy so put very little weight on both times. I was back pre pregnancy weight straight away. However after DC2 I was much less fit and much flabbier. Even though I weighed the same I still couldn't fasten up trousers.

Meh, there's always somebody who looks as though they've never given birth on the ward. Or you have a parent/sister/sister in law/neighbour who will tell you that they walked out ten minutes after giving birth wearing their vintage size 6 jeans and stilettos.

Me, I was size 8 after DD1. Well, in most places - following a hatchet job of a caesarian and subsequent endometriosis in the scar and pelvic cavity/ligaments/everywhere else, I was size 8 everywhere except around the middle, where I was and remained a size 26.

That did a number on me until I decided that those people were lucky to not have the same medical team and that was more the cause of my figure than anything I had or hadn't done.

A lot of it will be genetics. Obviously he’s not had a baby but my husband only has to look at the gym and he loses weight and builds muscle where as I have to work really hard to get results. Interestingly I eat much healthier then he does. Obviously husband isn’t a fair comparison but just as an example of genetics!

it took me a year year on average to get back to my pre pregnancy size

Don't be daft. She is allowed to complain.

OP your DH is being awful and you need to tell him so. I am one of those women who did loose a lot of weight quickly, despite eating tons of biscuits, from breastfeeding and doing hours of walking everyday to get mine to nap! I wasn't happy about it though, I don't like how I look even now nearly 2 years on, I miss my boobs and curves. Just to say, don't assume every mum who has 'bounced back' is happy about that... Focus your energy on dealing with your awful DH, rather than being jealous of another mum

I bounced back really easily, I had a tiny bump and I felt really jealous of mums to be who had lovely big bumps, l really wanted to look more pregnant than I did and spent a lot of time rubbing my bump and arching my back trying to look more pregnant.

I did breastfeed and the folk law back then - 20 odd years ago was that it did help with the weight loss but I was a small frame before pregnancy so I think that has a lot more to do with it.

I’m sorry your husband is making you feel bad about yourself, I haven’t read the thread, I’ll assume by the length of it others have already told you to tell him to ftfo

I put it down to age. A colleague who had a baby bounced back very quickly but she was 15 years younger than me.

I was back in my jeans in two weeks, probably because I was 23!

This is absolutely no good for you to think this way. Life is what it is. Is she younger? I find younger mums do bounce back. Why would you or your dh want the old you back? The old you had not carried a child and given birth. You need to respect your body more and give yourself some grace. Life might not seem fair but that bounce back mum may have not a very supportive husband, a baby with colic, lost her job ... The list goes on. Then she would say life is not fair and bouncing back is the last of her priorities.

You can’t help how you feel but I would say maybe try to appreciate what’s going well for you. You could be like me and a small group of women who are dealing with awful, life-changing obstetric injuries.

I have never bounced back with pregnancy weight and i am also dealing with a recto-vaginal fistula caused by a severe birth tear. Many of the women I speak to have ended up with permanent stoma bags following birth complications.

Maybe you’re a bit fatter than you prefer but it could be a lot worse, just to give you a bit of perspective.

I think it is down to genetics and age and you shouldn’t beat yourself up over that. (Though I don’t particularly believe anyone who claims to do nothing at all and yet have abs a month pp. And I say that as a genetic lottery winner who was back in pre baby clothes within a couple of weeks.)

But I wonder if you would feel this way if your husband wasn’t such an arse. How dare he make you feel like he is disappointed in your pp progress? I bet he will expect you to overlook his belly and receding hairline (either already on in the future) but he can’t get over your body taking time getting over carrying and birthing his own child. Personally I’d find that lack of consideration a massive turn off.

Do you really think she’s just lucky or is there some sort of trick to this kind of bounce back I am missing. I know my husband is disappointed with how long it’s taking me

There's your problem - focus on you, what you're comfortable with, don't compare yourself to others as that's a recipe for misery - oh, and most importantly, tell your husband to shut his face.

Comparison is the thief of joy…and your husband is an jerk.

Honestly, it's just due to genetics.

I'm 5'2 and weigh around 8 stone and I have awful awful loose stretchy skin. I've only had 3 full term pregnancies. My stretch marks are so deep and long. My stomach never ever recovered from the pregnancies.

My son is on a waiting list about elhos danlos syndrome and the more I've read about it the more I suspect I have it too

I was the lightest at birth I’ve ever been because I lost weight in pregnancy - who knows why - so everyone said I looked great. Luck of the draw.

put it on when my baby was about 1 and I stopped feeding/kept eating cake.

the important part is that DP couldn’t have cared less at any point. He just loved and supported me. You’re DH needs to shut it.

What's that got to do with anything? So because your friends don't wear them then nobody does? Someone must be buying them because we'll over 50% of the tops in most shops are cropped.

Its not just genetics. If you had strong abs before, to the point they show, you put in hours of work to lay the foundation. There is a big difference between putting the body through a muscular frame and a normal person who will not have that foundation. Neither is right or wrong, just different. But getting abs is bloody hard work and probably not a priority with a new baby. Congratulations, I hope everything is going well. You can faff about with pilates and weights when you are 50, enjoy your time ❤️

Pregnancy aggravated a genetic condition I didn't even know I had before then, and 5 years on I am now in pain 24/7 and while I am making improvements, I will never be the same again.

You're healthy, you have a healthy child. Be grateful as hell and move on. Start a diet today and you'll be thin by Christmas, if you really want to.

And she is lying about not doing anything now for sure. She sounds like an Amanda to me