AIBU to feel jealous of another mum’s post-baby bounce back?

[Ohbeehave]

I know it’s not fair to be jealous, but there’s a mum at my mum and baby group with a one month old. She looks fantastic, wears cropped tops and you can see a bit of ab definition. She always tucks into the biscuits, and when I ask how she’s bounced back she just says she doesn’t have time but is breastfeeding.
Im there with an 18 month old, work hard and go to bootcamp and am heavier than when I was pregnant 😭 life just isn’t fair.
Do you really think she’s just lucky or is there some sort of trick to this kind of bounce back I am missing. I know my husband is disappointed with how long it’s taking me. I had been telling him to be kind and I’d just given birth, but now with this woman I think I am kidding myself.

i "bounced back" and was back in my jeans when baby was 3 days old, it was genetic, my mum and sister were the same, just luck. I had terrible problems healing from the birth though, so while I looked okish I was in pain for months . As for the "disapointed" husband, words fail me, he has not grown, birthed and sustained a brand new person from his body and needs to shut up.

So why do you have to tell him to "be kind"?

Your husband is a right twat.

I would cheerfully tell my husband to 'f' off if he said he wanted me back the way I was before having 2 children. I wouldn't mind looking like I did pre-children myself, but I also wouldn't mind looking how I did at 21. I'm never going to look exactly the same, but I'm focusing on health and happiness and being VERY thankful for my healthy children. I really wouldn't compare yourself to other people. There's genetics and luck and choices that people make as well that will influence how much time and headspace they have for things. There's also family support. We don't have any nearby and I am mildly envious of friends with parents who look after the grandchildren for an hour or two so they can go to the gym. But, there's no point worrying about them, just my own life.

For me I think it was being early 20s and breastfeeding. If I had a baby now I really don’t think I’d bounce back like I did, I put weight on much more easily these days, especially my middle.

I am short and large of bum and thigh. Losing any kind of weight for me is fucking hard.

Yet a combo of pram pushing and DD draining the calories out of me was the easiest weight loss I've ever had in my life.

HOWEVER, when I finished breastfeeding it all went back on (and then some because I was back on a desk job). I had to pull my finger out to lose the excess and now I'm pretty much back to square one. It didn't last!

Your husband's being a dick.

Honestly, just stop comparing yourself. I get that she's directly in your face with her perfect body, but this is like crying because Elon Musk has more money in his bank account than you. Some people are just outliers. All you can be is the best version of you.

I struggled with joint issues in pregnancy and was constantly sick and in pain. Horrible instrumental birth with long recovery, baby in NICU. My close friend was pregnant at the same time, and doing a lifeguarding qualification for fun at 9 months pregnant. Nice easy home birth. Out dog walking the next day. Was wearing a bikini within a few weeks and honestly looked better than I ever have or will.

So, i get it, but at some point you just have to shrug and accept it.

Has your husband actually said anything or are you projecting your own feelings onto what you think he thinks?

Unless you were a gym bunny with ripped abs pre pregnancy and continued with a gym routine throughout no one is bouncing back to visible absolutely a month post partum.

You grew a human. It takes time to get back into things and for hormones to settle. Be kind to yourself and stop comparing yourself to other people.

Your husband sounds awful - he should be your biggest cheerleader (cheesy I know )

Breastfeeding helped me lose weight BUT stomach has never been defined - won’t ever be either !

Has she got a healthy attitude to eating / food in general ?
Maybe the biscuits are ALL she eats in the day (not good )

She could have a thyroid issue/ eating disorder / be on a medication with side effects ?

Try not to compare -you may not know the full picture !

Enjoy your LO and ensure you get some
you time
If you enjoy the boot camps , do them . If not, choose something else

you can backtrack as much as you like now, it was rude and dismissive.

Good for you if you have a lucky experience and have no clue how hard it is for other women. Shame because it might have made you a bit less nasty.

*then it’s a you problem" you know NOTHING of what the OP has to put up with.

I just wonder what happens to make people like you so bitter and unpleasant😂

I do know how you feel. My best friend wore her size 8 jeans 2 weeks after her baby! She looked fantastic. I literally looked like a fat blob! Managed to lose it within the year. She did say that she stuck to the same kind of diet and never increased her portion sizes, so she didn’t put on excess weight. She walked a lot and had a job that required standing for hours. Truth is I should have eaten less and moved more when I was pregnant! Then I wouldn’t have had so much to lose afterwards. Do lots of walking with the baby in the pushchair, that helped me lose the weight. 💐

Lose 10st + instantly by ditching the twat of a husband. How many times has he taken the baby for an extended period of time so you can get a good night's sleep or go to the gym?

I think we all have a tendency to compare ourselves with people who we see as better than us. All that does is cause misery and self depreciation. Try comparing yourself to someone who is worse off. You have a healthy baby, something many women don't get to achieve. I agree with others that you have a very unsupportive husband. He doesn't have to say he's disappointed but you know he is, and mentioning outfits you used to wear is at best tactless, or deliberate to make you feel bad. You're a beautiful woman who gave birth to a beautiful baby.

You definitely have a husband issue, not a body issue.

People have different levels of exercise, different diets, different metabolism. Almost everyone is a different size/shape before pregnancy/baby rearing and some go back, some don't.

Seeing her eating biscuits a few times doesn't mean she eats junk all the time. And even if she does she clearly is just using more energy than she's consuming.

But just forget what others are doing. And your husband shouldn't be saying anything about your size after you've just carried and birthed his child!

It's genetics to some extent. I was back to a size 12 (approx size 6 in modern parlance) two weeks after my DD (2nd DC) was born. I breastfed exclusively and on demand so was eating all the time as well. It was just how my body works (alas, not any more). It's not the other mum you need to interrogate it is your unhelpful and frankly misogynistic DH. You need to point out that you are looking after a baby which your body made and he needs to be useful. How dare he be 'disappointed' as though you are there just for his sexual gratification. That's not what marriage is. What a let down he must be.

The problem isn't this woman, it's your husband's disappointment. Ask him why he is disappointed with your body, when it has grown and given birth to his child. He needs to change his appalling attitude.

You're extremely naive with low standards if you think your husband's behaviour is OK to put up with. Whether he is voicing it or not.

You have a husband problem, not a weight problem.

Kind of cross posted! I absolutely agree.
Definitely a husband problem.

nailed it

Some woman’s bodies change dramatically and never return to what they were and other woman pop out a 9lb baby and are wearing size 8 jeans leaving the hospital. It’s genetics as well as life style, it doesn’t feel fair. I’m covered in stretch marks and loose skin but extremely healthy and yet my friend is not healthy and has a bikini body after 4 kids

According to the OP's second post, he hasn't even said he's disappointed - she just feels he is.

She needs to speak to him and tell him she misses his compliments.

I wish new Mums would give themselves a break. It takes a year to recover fully from a pregnancy and childbirth, that's without any problems. The focus should be on your health and wellbeing and that of your baby.
Not what size jeans you fit into.

It’s down to how you are built. Genetics.
It easy to feel envious.
I bounced back after two pregnancies. I don’t drive so I walk a lot and generally don’t have a big appetite, that doesn’t mean I’m not envious of other people who have things that I don’t, nice cars or a rich husband.

You don't have a weight problem, you have a husband problem.

I think it's important that you talk to him about this. The compliments have stopped, you don't feel attractive. Perhaps he's been somewhat oblivious and can take your feelings on board.