I wish people would only comment if they had direct experience of what it’s like. People in comfy marriages, in four bedroom detached houses saying ‘well just leave, and retrain, be poor, kids don’t need stuff’ blah blah blah.
I left. I don’t know where you are in the UK.
You are in the best position, benefits wise as you work full time. Have you tried any of the benefits calculators? Don’t take them as gospel but they give a good idea.
Look at what you could rent for your LA’s housing allowance, each part of the UK is different. See how much you would need to top up after that. Is that affordable?
UC pay 85% of childcare so if your kids clubs are ofsted registered you can claim them back, same for holiday clubs.
You would get extra elements if your children get DLA.
In terms of holidays, I remember the first camping holiday I saved for. Like you, my ex wasn’t a high earner so we weren’t used to expensive holidays anyway.
I retrained as a social worker through a local authority apprenticeship scheme, meaning I worked as I earned but they’re quite sought after. I completely understand being trapped in a MW job, I was for many years.
You’ll get 25% discount for council tax as a single person.
Full disclosure, I went back though.
Financially, being a single parent was tough. I managed three years. But emotionally, it was also hard. I felt like I got home, the kids went on screens and I logged back onto my laptop until 7/8pm. But maybe that’s the nature of the job more than being a single parent.
Most of my friends who have left marriages or relationships with the father of their children are happier. One is in temporary accommodation as she couldn’t find a private rental and is also much happier. She has met someone lovely and her kids are happier.
I was happier in some ways but my situation (trying to pay a mortgage/ earning too much for UC) was different. My ex also couldn’t afford a property as we are both lowish earners, and one ‘family home’ being sold does not give enough for two two bed properties, even flats. Hence our new solution to buy a house we can divide and continuing to be separated, but live together.
Being poor is draining. People idolise it but leaving also means, for some, having to move out of area, move your child’s school, moving away from friends/ support networks. It’s all well and good saying kids need to see healthy relationships, but children also have their own priorities. I nearly made myself sick trying to keep mine in their same school as I felt so guilty that I would have to move them from their friends. As a single parent, it was nearly impossible to keep paying the mortgage on a family home on my own, and my ex couldn’t give me much maintenance as he was having to rent. Neither of us had any money.
But that feeling of not walking on eggshells, not being lonely whilst technically in a relationship, not worrying about growing old with someone who resented me, that was great. You can’t buy that feeling.
So if I were you OP, I’d look into it, really look into it, look into what you’d need to pay and what you’d earn and make a budget. If you think ex will have 50/50 then you can look at working extra to try to make ends meet. I used to clean houses, but you could also look at bank shifts as an HCA or part time care work. I know you’re probably exhausted and this is the last thing you want to do on your days/ weekends off but freedom has a price :( unfortunately.
Speak to women’s aid or local D.A charities, it may not be abuse, but it’s worth chatting about your options.