AIBU - Not allowing school to film my child?

[GlasgowANN]

AIBU? My child is at a summer club and they want to take photos and videos of the kids. I've said absolutely no way. They then said my child would have to sit out whenever they were filming, which I'm not happy about because I don't think they should miss out. Now they're saying they just won't take any photos or videos of any of the children because of it, so everyone misses out. AIBU for not allowing my child to be filmed?

Congratulations OP, for selfishly making sure that nobody now gets to see any photos/videos of their children at a holiday club.
Of course you're not being unreasonable about not wanting your child to be filmed, but you are being extremely unreasonable to refuse to let your child sit out from an activity while they are filming.

I don't let my son get posted on his school's social media. They include him in group photos with a smiley over his face and they just avoid him or cut edit him out of videos. They still manage to post multiple videos a week showing what all the kids are up to and he doesn't ever have to sit out of an activity or photo opportunity.

Impossible.
Because then parents complain that their clothes can be recognised.

Yes they might, but I still don't see the problem with the OP being annoyed that her child will be removed from the activity to take the photos/videos. If it is a safeguarding issue then that's fine, but otherwise I don't see what her problem is.
People do share photos like that with family and friends but I don't understand what they think people are going to do with them.
I've got loads of photos, especially holiday ones, with unknown kids in the background.
Am I supposed to go round shooing any other kids out of the way beforehand?

Exactly this

Possibly a dance school?? As they tend to film routines the kids have learnt etc, rather than just take pics

Not unreasonable to not want photos or videos taken but you are unreasonable to insist your child can't miss 2 minutes of an activity so other parents can have photos. You sound like extremely hard work and are happy for every other parent to miss out just because it's what you want.
I don't allow the school to put photos of my son on social media (happy to receive photos or have them displayed in school) but I also accept there will be times when he might miss out on activities (for a few minutes and they usually involve him in something else for those few minutes).
I wouldn't be surprised if next time you want to use the holiday club they tell you there's no more spaces left.

Of course you're not being unreasonable to opt out of them being film or photographed but I wonder if there's crossed wires here regarding your child missing out? Most likely, they'll film/photograph a few minutes here and there and the majority of the time, your child will be joining in just as everyone else.

I work with children and that's how I do things - a few minutes of photos every now and then so we can share with parents some special moments, and then hours and hours without photos interrupting the activity.

Can't they just take the whole image out fully? Or change the colour of the clothes and put a big sticker over most of it? Gawd I don't know really. I appreciate it would be easier if they could use the whole group.

So maybe it's ok if they just briefly say, ok we're doing a picture now, everyone who wants to be in it just come over here for a minute. Though I guess if it was only that child not doing it they could feel left out. As they might well not mind their pic taken.

This, remember the parent who kicked off when no photos of their dc in their yearbook, what they’d expected was everyone else got the yearbook with their child’s face blurred out, but they got an individual one with their child and everyone else unblurred::

This. It’s not selfish and entitled to not want your child to be photographed, or to expect them not to be made to feel different from the other children for that reason. If a setting is taking pictures of children to publish them then they need to be prepared for the work involved in that, which includes cropping out and obscuring those who shouldn’t be in pictures without overtly interfering with what the children are doing. It’s for them to manage, and if their decision is to not take any photos as it’s too much work then that’s on them too.

Ive always denied my kids having pics and videos at school clubs or anything you have no idea where they can end up and it's not fair on your kids when they get older they won't want their images out there forever more the world is changing and my kids are now on their mid 20s and they are happy I chose this !! U have to think about their future permission ! X

They were out of line to suggest your child sit out. If they expect you to pay full price then your child should be able to fully participate.

Nobody has a “right” to photos of your child.

Funnily enough I feel videos and photos can serve a safeguarding purpose. It’s surely a good thing that the venue/ organisation is open and transparent for everyone to see. Makes it much more unlikely something untoward would be going on with the camera at the ready?

I think it’s fine to ask that photos aren’t shared widely but honestly abuse happens when things are ‘secret’ and ‘hidden’. I love that my GCs’ nursery/ childminder has a live feed accessible at any time.

YANBU to not want your child filmed, but YABVU to kick off so that all the other parents miss out on seeing photos and videos of their own children. I think you already know this, that’s why you’ve come here for validation. I feel like there’s others who understandably might not want their children filmed, but you seem like the minority to cause this much fuss so that it’s a blanket ‘no’ for all parents.

I think it depends what they're filming for. I don't mind photos or videos of my DS as long as it's not shared externally. I don't want him appearing on social media, adverts or brochures as I myself don't put him on social media but I don't mind him being included on displays within the setting and on the app. Have you asked what it's for?

I went to a meeting not long ago where around 100 adults were shown photos and videos from a current reception child's tapestry account. I absolutely don't want my child used for things like that, hope that parent consented!

I haven’t ever posted pictures of my children in any way on social media. This is because I don't really 'get' social media or the competitive parenting it inspires. And I am properly perimenopausal and just a bit tired , life is hard enough to live without photographing it and then posting it up online. And children cannot of course consent to all of this so it seems just a bad idea.
It has never occurred to me to say no to school or other activities taking pictures of or filming activities. Even when I was a kid that happened. For perfectly good and innocent reasons .I do understand that in certain circumstances any pictures of a child circulating may not be safe or appropriate however.

I think OP if you need or want to avoid your child being photographed / filmed you have to accept the measures taken to stop this.
You sound a bit unreasonable otherwise.

I feel exactly the opposite. Many years ago our local paper published a photo of my nine year old daughter - parental permission wasn't a thing then- and her friends at a local activity during school holidays.
She's right at the front with a big smile, surrounded by about six friends.
It comes up on FB memories and it always makes me smile. She's married now, works full-time and isn't in contact with any of her old friends but we both love this photo.

Agree with this. It’s all so unnecessarily dramatic. The ‘sitting out’ would literally be a couple of seconds per activity they wish to photograph, so the child absolutely wouldn’t be missing out.

It won’t be 5 mins though will it?

Theres no way you’ll know if those photos are not shared externally

You are absolutely not unreasonable to not want your child to be filmed and photographed.

But other parents do. So you’re being unreasonable in not understanding that your child may have to sit out for a minute or two while they do it for the others. You can’t expect every other family to miss out on photos/videos because of your decisions. Your wishes don’t trump everyone else’s.

It's up to you if you don't want your kid filmed - but well done for spoiling other kids/parents enjoyment. You should not have whinged about your kid being pulled out.

No, it will likely be for a few seconds to get a quick video and a couple of photos. How long do you think it would be? Of course they aren’t going to be filming all day long. It would be sporadic. I’ve seen it myself.

Exactly.
Exactly this.
Move the child to the side FOR A FEW seconds while you take the picture.
Or, if it's a video of song/ activity do it twice. Once with everyone and once without children who can't be filmed.
The kids don't complain, it's the adults like OP looking for reasons to kick off