AIBU - Not allowing school to film my child?

[GlasgowANN]

AIBU? My child is at a summer club and they want to take photos and videos of the kids. I've said absolutely no way. They then said my child would have to sit out whenever they were filming, which I'm not happy about because I don't think they should miss out. Now they're saying they just won't take any photos or videos of any of the children because of it, so everyone misses out. AIBU for not allowing my child to be filmed?

Hmm good spot.

You are well within your rights for not allowing your child to be filmed. However, your child should sit it out while they are filming. Other parents want the pictures. You can’t have it all your own way. I voted you are not unreasonable for not wanting filming but not wanting your child excluded from filming is most definitely unreasonable.

You can’t have a blanket “we will take videos” t&c where kids are concerned. There are very legitimate reasons why some kids can’t have images published, and parents are often thoughtless about what they post on social media. There’s no need for the child to sit out, in a group activity it’s possible to photograph without including the child by taking smaller group shots.

I take pics at my club and send to the parents then delete them . They all love getting them

I like seeing pics of what they’ve been doing so I would be a bit disappointed if one person’s preference stopped me getting pics and videos of my own children.

That said, when we have kids with no photo perms, we just try to take pics without them in it or with position them at the end so we instantly just crop them out.

You are paying for your child to take part in the activities, all of the activities. Not to sit on the side and be noticeably removed every time they want to get some shots for their Facebook page. For activities in school that we run, photos are taken of smaller groups, so as to position children without photo permission out of the shot. They still take part in everything the other children do. This would be the most reasonable response from the summer scheme, instead they are trying to guilt trip you into giving permission.

This is completely normal practice at every club and activity my child attends. It's the conventional solution these days not an extraordinary request.

Does “everyone miss out” without photos? I don’t think so.

Summer clubs are one thing but there have been yearbooks made up for y6 leavers at school recently (overkill, I think, it’s only primary school, but whatever). There are a few children who have never been permitted to be photographed on the school website, sports Instagram pages etc. Fast forward to the end of school and the yearbook photos have been sourced, and it’s clear those parents thought the school were taking photos with all kids in, not publishing them, then taking photos with only the permitted children which would then be published.

In reality there are no photos of their children at all; they were asked to step aside when photos were taken. Sitting out is fine; I don’t see why everyone else should miss out on updates. Obscuring photos is far too onerous.

It means everyone misses out on photos of their child, and they are important to me.

Sure, if you plan for it.

But it's still a pain, especially for video. If the club hasn't accounted for needing to do that, that is half an hour/ an hour of someone's time to do it.

I find it crazy that anyone allows their kids to be photographed and videoed in this day and age tbh especially if it's going on a public social media.

My son doesn't have permission for this either so yes if they're doing a promo video or similar he does need to be moved out but they get him involved in taking the photos of the rest or distract with another activity. There are ways to do it sensitively. He's blurred out in photos.

This. Incredibly selfish

It’s fine for you to not want your child to be filmed. But you shouldn’t complain if they have to sit out a few minutes whilst a video is taken for the parents who do want to see what their children have been up to.
most places will just blur out/pop an emoji on the face of any children where the parents have said no to pictures, or try to make sure they don’t get any pics of their face (harder to do that with a video obviously).

OP, there’s ways to take videos and pictures that either don’t include your DC or do include them with their face hidden.

It’s lazy videoing and editing to suggest it’s either all or nothing.

I know this because I work in a school and have been on trips where children couldn’t be videoed so the film was taken minus the child - and without the child missing anything.

YANBU at all to not want the club to take photos / videos with your child in. Did they say what it was for? For social media, marketing or advertising it would be a definite no from me too.

I'm quite puzzled by this question. If you're child is at risk of being found by someone who could harm him or her then I could understand thevsafeguarding issue , but not wanting them just to be photographed for a school activity that I presume will only be accessible to the other childrens parents is a bit odd. What do you think people will do with these photos?

I mean you can't really disagree with both. Fine for not wanting them filmed, but then they will have to miss some bits. Thats sort of how it works.

You're not unreasonable for asking your child not to be photographed or videoed, but you are unreasonable for complaining that they will miss out, thus leading to no parent being able to see photos or videos of their own children.

Surely its about how they share the photos. If they are going to a closed group, ie just the parents, this is better than a website, marketing, etc. Maybe this needs to be a question you ask.

I'm in the same position, but inside I changed my thinking as I didn't want my child to be the odd one out. Rightly or wrongly that's the choice I made. I don't use social media like Facebook etc. I did think to myself at least the children's names are not disclosed or anything like that. I'm not aware of any children at the summer club my daughter goes to where the parents haven't given permission. I know this doesn't help and it's a personal decision. Unfortunately in the digital age we live in photo sharing is everywhere.

The summer club could be run by a business that wants marketing material to promote their enterprise, hence filming and taking photos of club activities. You are right OP to not allow your child to be included in any photos or videos. The operators simply need to take shots of completed projects without using images of children ……no one will be missing out by NOT being filmed!

A year ago I would have felt you were being selfish. Now I say stick to it. Aside from the fact plenty of children cannot be filmed for safegurding reasons and singling them out not to be in photos has always been rubbish. Things are really changing, and I think by next year, schools and other organisations with children will not be filming/photographing children. AI manipulation is off the scale and you never know who images are being shared with. The risks of sharing photos and videos of children now outweigh the benefits. I've spent a couple of months working with Police forces around this and they and I have been horrified by what we have seen, and that is after more than 10 years working in the violence against women and girls sector. We are all going to have to get used to not having photos of kids shared, and I don't think it's a bad thing at all. I'm 40+ and went to plenty of kids' schemes without my parents seeing photos.

Yes this happened at my children's primary school too. (They've both since left.)

At the year 6 leavers assembly school showed a slideshow of the kids through the years all the way from reception including at sports days, school trips, plays etc. But some kids weren't in any of the photos because their parents had opted for "no photos". You would not believe the amount of parents who were then annoyed their child did not feature in the slideshow. A couple of them claimed that by saying "no photos" they had not meant take no photos, but rather ask permission to use any photos. But the form they signed said "no photos" ... so there were no photos.

I completely understand that some parents have a firm no photo preference but others don't seem to have thought it through.

Not at all. I bet you anything that several parents objected to the photos.