AIBU - Not allowing school to film my child?

[GlasgowANN]

AIBU? My child is at a summer club and they want to take photos and videos of the kids. I've said absolutely no way. They then said my child would have to sit out whenever they were filming, which I'm not happy about because I don't think they should miss out. Now they're saying they just won't take any photos or videos of any of the children because of it, so everyone misses out. AIBU for not allowing my child to be filmed?

That’s a fair enough - general - point of view. I tend to agree. In general.

But that’s not the issue here. There will be photos and videos. OP doesn’t want her child on camera. OK. But then she’ll have to sit out. If she can’t sit out, because mum kicks up a fuss, and it’s all cancelled for everyone, that’s unreasonable. Massively unreasonable.

Why should children miss out because of an adult compulsion to have a camera attached to them photographing and videoing everything? What would you do in a school? The children without permission can’t perform in the shows? Or the assembly? Or run at sports day? Maybe the adults could chat to their children and ask what they did that day instead.

If it’s a requirement that a child’s filmed then don’t send the child there. If it’s about sitting out on occasions when pictures are taken that’s obviously different.

TBH, it sounds like it’s a requirement so if I were the organisers I’d just say that OP’s child can’t attend.

Being photographed or filmed should never be a requirement. Making it so means that children will lose out on experiences due to adult actions like abuse, domestic violence and needing to be fostered and adopted. Are we really so far into “it didn’t happen if it’s not filmed and posted” reality that needing a video of something trumps a child participating in an activity?

As I said, I agree with you that there’s too much photography and posting on SM etc.

But that’s just a reasonable grumble. It doesn’t account for a place that wants to offer photos, many parents are happy about it, but it can’t arrange for one child to be excluded from photos. The answer to that is not to go there, not to demand that everyone else falls into line with you.

Again. I’d suggest the organisers just say ‘here’s a refund, have a great summer’.

So again I ask you, is it reasonable that children who have flown DV or been adopted etc just can’t do certain things or go certain places because people can’t accept that children’s activities don’t need to be photographed or recorded? If you honestly think that is reasonable, then fair enough.

I’d say in a world of social media, ever evolving AI, etc, the sensible approach to me would be that everyone stops filming vulnerable children outside of personal or family events.

I don’t know that anyone’s said that there’s a DV angle or other physical risk here. OP’s only posted once and didn’t say anything about risk in that post.

Leaving aside the OP’s circumstances, though, I see your point, but I’d suggest that if a child cannot be photographed ever, they ought not to go where photographs will be taken, not that the overwhelming number of parents of children not at risk are denied photographs.

In any case it must be very, very unlikely that a random photo will locate an at-risk child.

Yanbu to ask that photos and videos aren't taken of your child. I do feel you are unreasonable to be annoyed that as a result in that the school need your child to sit out for a very small bit when photos and videos are taken, your child would have hardly been missing out much.

I also don't allow my child to be photographed or filmed, I've had a few backhanded comments about what a shame it is from her teachers in her old school that were annoyed about it and occasionally they did take photos of her and posted them on social media and then huffed and puffed when I asked for them to be taken down but honestly I'd have never been annoyed that she had to sit out briefly on occasion.

YANBU, presumably they want the photos and videos so they can upload to their SM accounts but a lot of parents don't want pictures of their children on SM and don't even post pictures of their children on their own personal SM accounts which is completely understandable. Ridiculous that it was suggested that the OPs child should sit out some activities because they don't want pictures and videos of their child on the internet

There is a huge difference between perhaps appearing accidentally in the background of a photo in a public place, and being photographed or videoed within a setting that allows you to be fairly easily located. It isn’t as hard as you’d think to track down children from social media photos - without going into identifying detail, one little girl in foster care who I taught had to be relocated after being in her “home” for almost four years due to a social media post.

So sad. Just because people think they have the right to have everything that's videoed or photographed stuck on their socials. No regard or thought for real life impact