To feel really embarrassed by the damage I’ve done to my body?

[pleasedontreinme]

I’m in my late 20s and I’ve spent the majority of my adult life morbidly obese. I was 26 stone by age 24.

Over the last two years I’ve lost 10 and a half stone. I’m now 15 and a half stone, I know I need to lose at least three stone more but I’ve hit a point where I feel confident and happy.

Since last year I’ve had bilateral knee pain which was presenting as bilateral torn menisci.

I have had scans, xrays and a consultation and I’ve been told it’s just “wear and tear” related to my weight.

I feel so embarrassed. The consultant said there’s no actual damage in terms of cartilage and the structures of my knee, but that it can’t be undone. The only thing I can do is continue to lose weight and try to mitigate future damages.

I want to cry. I can’t believe I’ve done this to myself. I’m 27 and I’ve given myself a condition usually seen in grandmothers. I just feel so ashamed.

If you have lost 10 and a half stone in two years you should not feel ashamed. You are doing brilliantly. Keep it up.

Shame about the knees but just think what other health problems you are sparing yourself by acting on this so decisively now.

It’s done and in the past. Stop being so hard on yourself. You have done brilliantly to lose the weight. Now is the time to make yourself as healthy as you can to set you up for a really good future.

You've changed your trajectory health-wise and that's an amazing achievement.
Focus on the good stuff and be very very proud of yourself.

Onwards and upwards. Lose the rest of the weight and enjoy your life. You're only young ❤️

I just feel like such a failure. I’m 27 and I’ve ruined my future, I’ll probably have to have knee replacements by the time I’m 60. It just feels so pathetic.

You should be so proud of yourself for your weight loss OP. That is a wonderful achievement.

So many of us do things to our body through life style choices and making silly decisions that we later regret. Believe me you are not alone by any stretch of the imagination. The fact you are doing your best to mitigate the effects of yours does you such credit.

Stop worrying, plenty of people have knee/hip replacements i know people as young as 40 who have. It is what it is, worrying or being mad with yourself can’t change the past just focus on the good stuff like loosing ten stone well done

Don’t let feelings of shame derail your amazing progress. You have avoided a whole host of other serious health issues, and you have massively improved the situation with your knees. You are better off healthwise now than you were before which is what I would hang on to when you think about this.

How can anyone who's lost 10 stone be a failure? You haven't ruined your future at all. Now your mindset has changed, you will adapt.

It could be a lot worse. You are very young, you have taken control of the situation. Well done to you, congratulations.
Knees can be repaired and replaced.
This is your light bulb moment.
I am mid 40’s I’ve been the opposite to you and my bones are screwed. I see a lot of people my age who I grew up around on crutches or using a stick due to their weight.
Keep on at your GP hopefully he can do something for me about excess skin and continuing to lose weight as you’re so young. Counselling would really help you too.

OP, focus on what you are achieving now. Speak to a physio and see what exercises they can suggest to help strengthen your knees. Might be worth talking to a PT too about strength training.

When I was obese, my knees felt terrible, ached in the mornings, just generally felt shit and unstable. I am a normal BMI now and weight train, am training for a half marathon, run 40+k a week and my knees feel great.

Do not look back, look forward. You are young and with the proper activity and conditioning, it’s likely you will have a totally normal life.

I'm so sorry you're feeling like this. You can't make changes until you're ready, and you've done that which is an incredible achievement.

It's a big gift you've given yourself to feel happy and confident. You can't change the past but maybe you can be kinder to yourself now by trying to reframe this very real thing you're feeling from embarrassment and shame to sadness. Not to feel sorry for yourself, but to have a bit of compassion for younger you, feel that, and move forward instead of it being another rod to beat yourself with.

Good luck, you are already killing it!

Agree with all the previous posts! You have completely changed your life and health doing this.

Some people have sensitive knees that cause pain. One of my friends in secondary school had problems with knee pain and so does my partner who is a healthy weight. So try to remember it is something that happens to younger people too.

There isn’t a single person alive who hasn’t done something stupid in terms of their health at some point or other - please stop kicking yourself!

You’ve lost an amazing amount of weight and should be incredibly proud 😊

You feel ashamed (when you should feel proud!) because your brain is still stuck on messaging you that you are somehow a bad person because for a time you didn't treat your body in the optimum way. Well join the club, because very few of us go our whole lives making the best choices all the time, for a variety of reasons.
The thing to do is to recognise that, make peace with it, and move forward. Because looking back with regret is such a pointless waste of time.
All that matters is the rest of your life. You have done an amazing thing for your health and any comparison should be with where you were to where you are, not where you are to where you might have been.

Listen, plenty of people have to have operations in their later years for all sorts of reasons - you haven’t remotely ruined your future.

What you’re doing now in terms of your health and fitness is what counts, and it takes a lot of hard work and effort to achieve a such big weight loss. Don’t underestimate what a gift that is to your future self.

You’re doing all the right things physically, you just need to stop punishing yourself mentally. You’re still young, you’ve got the rest of your life ahead of you, and the work you’re putting in now will do nothing but improve the quality of every single year to come 💐

I think so many people feel the same secret shame - I had anorexia at your age, and I have had health problems since. But I have not struggled with eating for over a decade now.
People will sit and reflect at some point - it could be drinking too much, smoking, recreational drugs, damaging relationships.
There will be a reason why this happened in the first place - it is never about food. Maybe getting to the bottom of that may help.
Most of all, be very, very proud of what you have achieved in the last year. What you have done now will protect your future health and you will be surprised at the turnaround in your body when you treat it healthily.
Try not to worry about the future - I’m not far off 60 and me and all of my friends have health niggles. Leave them to your future self.
Instead, enjoy your achievement and all the new freedom it brings whether it’s mobility, buying some lovely new outfits, you have done so well.
Never, ever use the word pathetic. You have shown huge strength so far so keep it going.

You’re not even 30 yet and look at what you’ve achieved and how much you’ve changed your future.

You’ve drastically lowered your chances of developing type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure, heart disease, stroke, sleep apnoea, fatty liver disease and many cancers. You’ve also given yourself a much better chance of staying mobile and independent as you get older. You should be applauding yourself.

My best friend is 53 and has lost 65 pounds in the last year on Mounjaro. She was fat for nearly 30 years and feels sad she wasted so much time being miserable and unhealthy and hating the way she looked.

She would’ve loved to have been in the position you’re in in her 20s.

you've done insanely well losing all that weight and changing your future. Think about what you could have done to your body if you had continued on that path. You've saved yourself from so many things!

Be kind to yourself. Weight gain is hugely understandable and can stem from all sorts of trauma and stresses.

I wrecked my knee by gate vaulting in high heels while drunk. Now that was stupid!

I’m sorry that you feel embarrassed- as PPs have said, you should feel incredibly proud of what you’ve achieved.

Regrets are hard to live with but we usually make our peace with them eventually. I suppose one way to look at it is to think about how much worse things could have got had you continued to gain weight or stayed at your heavy weight. At least you acted when you did.

I have regrets about my dental care (and sweet-eating!) in my younger years as I am paying the price now in middle age. Likewise, I should have looked after my skin better when I was younger- the damage from the sun doesn’t look as good at nearly 50 as it did as a tan in my youth 😂 I wish I could go back and do things differently but I can’t, so I just remember that I had fun along the way and try and educate my children about looking after their health.

Being a failure is doing something to yourself
blaming others and doing nothing about it

you are doing the opposite you’ve grasped the nettle taken ownership and doing something about it
you should be proud of yourself rather than ashamed

You haven't ruined your future. It's not pathetic. Yes, it's a consequence, however, you're taking active steps to ensure you have a better future by losing weight. Be kind to yourself and recognise what you've already achieved.

I understand how you feel - I had a BMI of around 52, and I sometimes feel ashamed that I let myself get to that stage.

However, you have done so well losing all that weight - that is a huge achievement and something you should be proud of. Had you not lost the weight, the end result to your knee could have been worse.

Don't think like that @pleasedontreinme - change the thoughts to how well you've done to lose all this weight in 2 years. It's an amazing achievement. I need to lose 2 stone and I struggle a lot with it and keep going backwards and forwards, up and down, it's hard. For you to manage 10 stone in 2 years is fantastic and you should be very proud of yourself.

Also, try not to think about your knees - think about all the other health problems you have prevented like heart disease and diabetes. When I was 25 I used to love outside running but then I damaged my hip and had to get a hip arthroscopy. I've been told I may need a hip replacement in the future but I'm trying to stay positive and change my attitude to exercise and diet. After I damaged it I unfortunately stopped exercising for a while and "gave up" in terms of eating healthily and hence why now 15 years later I'm still struggling to lose weight. When I read about people like yourself I feel inspired, so thank you and don't let the negative thoughts penetrate.x