To feel really embarrassed by the damage I’ve done to my body?

[pleasedontreinme]

I’m in my late 20s and I’ve spent the majority of my adult life morbidly obese. I was 26 stone by age 24.

Over the last two years I’ve lost 10 and a half stone. I’m now 15 and a half stone, I know I need to lose at least three stone more but I’ve hit a point where I feel confident and happy.

Since last year I’ve had bilateral knee pain which was presenting as bilateral torn menisci.

I have had scans, xrays and a consultation and I’ve been told it’s just “wear and tear” related to my weight.

I feel so embarrassed. The consultant said there’s no actual damage in terms of cartilage and the structures of my knee, but that it can’t be undone. The only thing I can do is continue to lose weight and try to mitigate future damages.

I want to cry. I can’t believe I’ve done this to myself. I’m 27 and I’ve given myself a condition usually seen in grandmothers. I just feel so ashamed.

@pleasedontreinme firstly massive well done on the weight loss.

Second have you seen an osteopath? They can give special exercises that may help? I have an amazing one near me. Did the GP offer physiotherapy?

Do you like swimming? It's good all round exercise that takes the strain off as you're doing it. Strengthening ligaments may help support your knees.

I’m a physio. No one can predict how your knees will feel at 60.
keep normal BMI
build muscle around knees and hips
walk / cycle
stay flexible
you may never have a problem.
plus there are very good injectables now for knee arthritis- hyaluronic acid and arthrosamid which can help if needs be
Better your knees than your heart

You are an inspiration, be proud @pleasedontreinme

I would try to reframe your thoughts . You had a problem that you have nearly fixed, just a bit to go. To my mind, you are lucky that you had a fixable problem ( sorted by your hard work ).

When I was your age I couldn't walk easily due to a leg deformity and had shot knees with tears and arthritis because of the way I walked. Many years later I am in the same mess.

Nonetheless I think I am lucky as I am not in a wheelchair yet.

It may be trite but I find it helps to reframe things to what is good about your situation.

If I were you I would be delighted with myself. You obviously have massive will power to achieve the weight loss - you just need to turn that attitude towards your knees and think how fortunate you are to be where you are now as so many others would not have been able to achieve what you've been able to do.

@pleasedontreinme My H has a torn meniscus from doing his sport. There’s no weight on him at all. There is an operation he could have but chooses not to.

Yes, it’s wear and tear but this happens for all sorts of reasons. It may have happened to you anyway even without the weight.

Keep going with losing weight as it will just take the overall pressure off all your bones.

Obesity is a disease and GLP-1s are the cure.
Why would you feel ashamed for having suffered from a disease?
Be thankful that the cure came along early in your life; it's a crying shame that so many people missed out on the miracle.

Stop. Addiction is an illness, a progressive disease that you have taken control of. It’s no different to drink or drugs masking pain. Even at the bmi you were, you were not disgusting. Your shell takes the damage.
I am very proud of you, your head needs to catch up. Would you consider joining overeaters anonymous, you’ll find a lot of like minded individuals who have the same struggles, a problem shared is a problem halved.
Your worst day will match some of their best day, the shame disappears.
It is a spiritual healing experience so I know that part can be hard to connect with.

If it helps, I have irreparable damage to both my knees from regular running.

Try and focus on the positive. You’ve done SO well. Keep going. If you need knee replacements later on, so be it. But be proud of what you have achieved. Look forward, not back.

Honestly this could be the best thing that happens to you.

You are 27 ... 2/3 of your life(or more) is still to come

You've come an incredibly long way.
10stone is an insane achievement.

Lean in and focus on your health and wellness 💕

I agree with everybody else OP, you should absolutely be proud of yourself and what you've achieved!

We all take actions which are detrimental to our health at some time or other. I started smoking at 14 and carried on until I was 32 so no doubt I've shaved years off my life and fucked up my lungs! Of course I regret it now and feel stupid but you can't change the past. You're still so young and you've completely taken ownership of your health and lost an amazing amount of weight.

I've got dodgy knees - a meniscus tear and mild-to-moderate wear-and-tear arthritis. I think it started somewhere in my forties (which honestly in't that much later than 27, although I'm sure it feels like it at your age).

I caused it. Of course I did. That is in the nature of wear and tear -- it is the accumulated consequence of all the decisions you make to do this, not do that, etc.

It wasn't by carrying excess weight that I caused it. It was doing things like going jogging without paying proper attention to warm-ups and correct posture.

Why should you be ashamed of the wear and tear conditions that your weight has caused if I am not ashamed of what I have done to myself? If anything, I should be more ashamed, because it is much easier to make yourself exercise carefully and maintain good posture than it is to control overeating.

My sneaking suspicion is that your tendency to self-judgement means that you feel a bit wrongfooted and confused by your HUGE ACHIEVEMENT of losing so much weight. It doesn't come naturally to you to be proud of yourself and see how massively positive and constructive and successful you have been. So you find the negative thing, ruminate about that, and attach unwarranted feelings of shame to it.

xx

See a physiotherapist.

Whatever the damage you can build muscle that supports your joints and improves and preserves your mobility.

My knees are shot, for other reasons, and the specific exercises to strengthen the muscles around them have worked wonders.

Anyone who has turned their life around as you have done with your weight loss can manage what is actually a mild exercise regime - it isn't a gruelling gym workout!

I think it's brilliant that you have tackled things in your twenties OP. To lose ten stone must have taken absolute dedication and perseverance. As others have said concentrating on your health and wellbeing for now is key.

Lots of people do, my dad did and he cycled most days, played rugby, wasn’t overweight it was just wear and tear.
Keep going, stop being so hard on yourself.

Well I needed knee surgery to the meniscus after playing too much tennis so sometimes you just can’t win!!

you’ve done so well to lose all that weight. Be kind to yourself.

No good comes from self hatred, dear OP. Being horrible to yourself will solve nothing. You have given your body a tremendous gift by focusing on your health like this.

Plenty of people have knee replacements by the time they’re 60! OP you’ve done amazingly to lose 10.5 stone, that’s an incredible achievement. Try to focus on all the future health problems you’ve saved yourself from, not the one negative one with your knees. You have really turned your life around and you should be very proud.

You shouldn’t feel ashamed at all. You haven’t sat around moaning about being fat, you’ve worked incredibly hard and lost 10.5 stone- no easy feat. If anything, you should feel proud.

Yes, I'd definitely second that. Dodgy knees are something you can work on and improve a lot. The actual joint deterioration may not be reversible , but you can significantly improve things (often to the extent of eliminating pain and restriction) by taking appropriate exercise, guided by a physio.

It is actually quite a fun and rewarding thing to do, just like any kind of fitness improvement at the gym. Don't think of it as correcting a fuck-up. Think of it positively, the same way as you would think of improving your ability to lift weights etc.

In my case, a steroid injection helped massively in the first instance, allowing me to do the physio without pain. I kept waiting for the effects of the injection to wear off, and the pain to return -- but it didn't, because I had improved my muscular fitness around the joint.

Things sometimes get out of our control and yet you have achieved so much in the past 2 years. I'm really impressed by your reailience and strength. I know there is damage that cant be reversed but you can manage it now and imagine how worse it could have been if you didnt have the courage to tackle it. You are a strong , inspirational person. Well done

I had a BMI of 52 at one point, at more than twice your age. Op - as many others have said you really need to stop feeling shame and disgust. This will only continue to make you feel awful. Feel proud that you have taken such huge steps in improving your health and be kind to yourself.

You have improved your health outlook so much, don't look back.

Your knees might be good for another 30 years yet and new treatments are being developed all the time.

And as the song goes, I wish I'd looked after me teeth. A combination of my bad choices, some bad luck and medication causing dry mouth. I'll probably end with dentures.

Instead of feeling shame and failure you should be so proud of yourself for getting healthy , it's a huge achievement 👏. You can't change the past but you can mitigate for the future .

You've done so well, SO well. You have to reframe the internalized voice. You can't live berating yourself for what's gone before - you've set out to make significant changes. You're on a healthy trajectory now - that's what matters.

We could all look back and see how we've harmed ourselves, emotionally, physically. Only a few escape unscathed. This is the stuff of life.

Go forward with a robustness that you'll stick to this new journey. Turn those voices into motivation to stick at it. Not degrade yourself. It's pointless and makes your life miserable.

As for your knees, I know runners who have had to get new knees earlier than 60. Honestly, it's just not that bad.

Good luck and well done. Be a proud role model for others.