To feel really embarrassed by the damage I’ve done to my body?

[pleasedontreinme]

I’m in my late 20s and I’ve spent the majority of my adult life morbidly obese. I was 26 stone by age 24.

Over the last two years I’ve lost 10 and a half stone. I’m now 15 and a half stone, I know I need to lose at least three stone more but I’ve hit a point where I feel confident and happy.

Since last year I’ve had bilateral knee pain which was presenting as bilateral torn menisci.

I have had scans, xrays and a consultation and I’ve been told it’s just “wear and tear” related to my weight.

I feel so embarrassed. The consultant said there’s no actual damage in terms of cartilage and the structures of my knee, but that it can’t be undone. The only thing I can do is continue to lose weight and try to mitigate future damages.

I want to cry. I can’t believe I’ve done this to myself. I’m 27 and I’ve given myself a condition usually seen in grandmothers. I just feel so ashamed.

My BMI was 57!! Disgusting

Wow, you are amazing! Can I ask how old you are? Turning yourself around like this is fantastic and very motivational.

OP, keep your eyes on the role models in this thread! Often the healthiest people in middle age are the ones who have made a conscious choice (like you have) and really appreciate what they have got. I have a feeling you will look back at this as a sliding door moment. You can feel shame and despair about the damage done and give up, or you can resolve to turn yourself around and be the person you want to be. The body is amazing and it’s never too late. You are young!

Thinking about knees in particular, I know people who are very fit and exercise who have wrecked their knees just in the course of daily life. Knee joints are probably the most vulnerable joints to accidental injury or wear and tear, it's a complex joint and takes a lot of load for everyone. Particularly when you add in any turning or twisting motion.

Possibly needing a knee replacement by the time you are 60 is not at all "ruining your future". If you do need a knee replacement, then it can be done and you'll be up and running again in no time.

I just feel so much shame that I ever let myself get to that stage. And now I’m paying the price. I have loose skin, I look awful and I just want to cry.

While I do understand you feel bad about it, as others have said you’ve made fantastic progress so focus on that
also two things

1. My OH used to be a seriously competitive kick-boxer. Super fit etc as well (and still is at 50). His knees are also buggered because of the exercise and he needs both replacing really. So you could have done what everyone thinks you’re meant to and ended up in the same place
2. this feels another situation where parents, being too kind about this sort of thing, have massively let you down (unless you added all the weight from 16)

Absolutely this. What’s done is done. You’re doing amazing - keep going.

Turn that frown upside down OP!
Look at this as a gift: you’re very young and the body is a miraculous machine. Countless stories of people defying the odds and overcoming huge physical limitations.

None of us are invincible and by the time you’re 60 who knows how good the bionic knees will be?!

The point is you have taken responsibility for your health.

You could have been a gymnast or ballet dancer and ruined your body that way.

I have knee problems (bad ones!) from injuries. I don’t listen to the consultants too closely. It’s AMAZING how well knees can be rehabilitated - don’t start doing weird druggy stuff but look up decent physiotherapy programmes online and take up sports that support your knees - strong ankles and hips will help enormously.

Make sure you have a collagen rich diet. Also don’t neglect magnesium and vitamin D. These are really important.

Walking, swimming, cycling, and if you can afford it a Pilates class -or at least yoga in your living room. Then build up to doing whatever the physio says you can achieve - you’ll want to load your quads and build those NOT put strain on your knees. so maybe in a few months squats, lunges, wall sits, exercise bands to build resistance. Cheap and easy!

I feel a million times better for exercising and whilst my knees click and grind and ache - some days I’m pain free. Which seemed unimaginable a few years ago.

Please don't use words like "disgusting" - you were in a situation. I am sure there were factors that caused your weight gain, whether that be physical health issues, mental health issues or something else you were grappling with. You got through that.

I understand it is hard, but I would really encourage you to try and reframe your mindset - look at the scale of your achievement- you have lost a notable amount of weight, improving your health in the short and long term. That is amazing.

Sometimes we need to be kinder to ourselves, and forgive ourselves for our past mistakes - focus on the future.

Flip this. You’ve actually taken control of your future.

Well done on the weight loss that will help your knees

what will also help is finding the right set of exercises and getting your exercise levels right up - that makes a huge difference.

eg https://www.nhsinform.scot/illnesses-and-conditions/muscle-bone-and-joints/leg-and-foot-problems-and-conditions/exercises-for-knee-problems

but also think long term - weights classes and yoga

the stronger your legs and core - and think balance ( small muscles ) as well as the obvious stuff - the more likely you can actually stabilises your situation and avoid deteriorating

it is possible. I have knee damage caused by injury whilst young and the most likely outcome was knee replacement by now - because most people don’t bother to put the work in. I think you have it in you to do the work.

@pleasedontreinme try and think what you would say to someone else in the same position. I would have huge sympathy and empathy for them and be very impressed that they'd made such a significant change. Try to challenge the negative self talk when it starts and list all the benefits of losing weight and all the achievements that you have made. It's hard work to challenge that kind of negative self talk but it's worth trying to.

My BMI was 50 two years ago, it's now 25. I have some loose skin, it's not ideal but it's significantly better than being BMI 50 still. If the skin is really difficult, you could consider surgery and start to plan for how you might achieve that.

My husband also damaged his knees in his 20s. - through running.

I have an acquaintance in her 40s who may need bilateral hip replacements - because of running.

This shit happens, sometimes at a much younger age than we'd want.

But you have done fantastically in tackling your weight problem. Focus on how wonderfully well you have done.

Go you x

It is what it is, try and shift your focus now onto weight training to strengthen your back and leg muscles. It will make a massive difference and help to stabilise and have less pain hopefully

I've got a bung knee from jumping down a flight of stairs trying to catch a bus, what's done is done, give yourself some credit for the things you have done to help yourself, and some grace. You're human.

I wouldn't worry about it too much.

A significant proportion of people do some sort of permanent damage to themselves by the time they are 40.

It's something that you have to come to terms with as you age, that you can do permanent damage to your body and not recover from it.

You've done so well. But re knees I had awful knee pain and my physio told me it was because my muscles weren't strong enough to carry my weight round my knees. She set me off on an excersise regime which I did combined with a PT and my knees are so much better.
I'm just over 15stones and 63 on Friday.
I used to only get 11kg on the leg extension machine. I can now do 32kg!! So my muscles take the pressure off my joints.

But hats off to you. Don't despair...you can get better.

What was the point in all your hard work then? Are you going to let shame over what you used to look like define you now? Loose skin is horrible, but layers of fat are worse.

Focus on what’s good here.

You shouldn’t feel embarrassed. First of all you can’t change the past, pointless beating yourself up about it (easier said than done I know).

Secondly 10.5 stone in 2 years is PHENOMENAL. What an achievement.

You’ve stuck to whatever you’ve been doing for 2 years. That’s a very long time to keep up the motivation. Lots of younger people have injuries they need to manage long term, whether it’s a sports injury, car crash, whatever. Just something you need to manage going forward.

Try and recognise that yes you’ve made some mistakes historically - who hasn’t - but you’ve done an incredible job of turning your life around and you should be proud of that.

@pleasedontreinme
absolultly massive well done to you
that can not have been easy at all to lose that much weight.

please don’t be negative about yourself.
you’ve probably just given yourself many many more years of good health now from losing the weight.

im not overweight however i have an ankle problem from tripping and chilling a bone and tearing a muscle and ligament 6 years ago which will need surgery at some point im sure as it hinders my job and walking long distance is painful so even non overweight people have joint issues.

you really should be so proud of yourself op

You can’t now change the fact you got to a morbidly obese weight, that has been and gone so don’t think of ‘what you did to yourself’ however you are changing your weight to get to a healthy weight range. You should be so happy with yourself for your efforts so far!!
My relative was in a similar position to yourself and really suffered with knee pain that was put down to excess weight and wear and tear. She has now lost a great amount of weight and her knees are not half as painful as they were. I’m not saying you will be the same but it may give you hope that if you keep going it could get better

OP i think you are inspirational TBH - and other people will too ! we are taught -especially women - to hate ourselves no matter what we look like - self hatred is bred into us - if we are very unlucky by our upbringing as well as a male driven capitalist society . When i look at my preschool daughter she is completely at one with her body and what fun and learning she has in the world through it - that feeling i lost for many years between puberty and menopause - now i am out the other side i realise how wonderful my completely imperfect body is and how it works . i look after it for me, not for anyone else . You will get healthier and fitter and do great fun and fulfilling things - give the shame back to where it came from - it’s not yours to carry !!! and if you can have a chat with a therapist who supports people in weight loss journeys you will start to feel better as what you are feeling is nothing unusual . i have done a bit of therapy occasionally and the one thing that has really helped me is that the therapist has always said - about any issue - that she has heard it from other clients many times before - none of us are alone or shameful - everyone is doing their best and you are too - to great results I may add ! x

You are lucky that you have been able to make changes at a young age. Your weight loss is amazing and like others have said by losing so much you have made changes that will benefit you in the years to come. You need to be congratulated by us all on MN and you need to congratulate yourself.

look at all the love and respect on this thread for you OP 💪🏻💪🏻💪🏻if strangers feel this about you people you know in real life do too- and your doctor too I am sure !

You are amazing and you are YOUNG.

Even people at the peak of fitness develop problems that need surgery. Look at all the elite athletes who need surgery - Andy Murray had hip surgery in his 30s,
So many young footballers need knee surgery, Paula Radcliffe has had loads of procedures. On another level entirely my 28yo niece who is slim and teaches yoga and aerobics developed a stress fracture in her foot from running.

See a physio for advice on what you can do to strengthen the rest of your body to support your knees as much as you can and then concentrate of toning up.

I am in my 60s and lost quite a bit of weight 5 years ago. Sadly, like you I have a lot of loose skin which I'm embarrassed about but in clothes I now look amazing. I do low impact Pilates/reformer/yoga 4/5 times a week and am stronger, more energetic and more flexible than I was 20 years ago.

See how your knees feel at 11 stone OP. I went from 16 stone to 11 stone three years ago. I had a lot of knee pain at 16 stone that’s gone at 11 stone. The loose skin pulls in a bit too, it’s not as bad as it was when I first lost the weight.

You’re doing so well. The PP who mentions strength training for your knee (yoga or Pilates) is right. You couldd see excellent improvement if you strengthen the muscles around your knee.

good luck!