To feel really embarrassed by the damage I’ve done to my body?

[pleasedontreinme]

I’m in my late 20s and I’ve spent the majority of my adult life morbidly obese. I was 26 stone by age 24.

Over the last two years I’ve lost 10 and a half stone. I’m now 15 and a half stone, I know I need to lose at least three stone more but I’ve hit a point where I feel confident and happy.

Since last year I’ve had bilateral knee pain which was presenting as bilateral torn menisci.

I have had scans, xrays and a consultation and I’ve been told it’s just “wear and tear” related to my weight.

I feel so embarrassed. The consultant said there’s no actual damage in terms of cartilage and the structures of my knee, but that it can’t be undone. The only thing I can do is continue to lose weight and try to mitigate future damages.

I want to cry. I can’t believe I’ve done this to myself. I’m 27 and I’ve given myself a condition usually seen in grandmothers. I just feel so ashamed.

You are not a failure. You have lost 10.5 stone! That is amazing, and you need to focus on the good you have done, not the errors you might have made. We all make mistakes, we all cause damage to our bodies - weight, sports, drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, being an OK weight but eating poorly. Nobody's perfect, and what is amazing is that you have managed to change. I'm 44 and I am pretty much still doing the same damage to my body I was when I was 24. You have not failed. You are 27. Knee replacements at 60 is still a long way away. Just keep focussing on what you can change, not what you can't (the pat).

You wouldn't make 60 without the changes so I would congratulate yourself instead!

As everyone else has said, you have done absolutely brilliantly to lose all that weight. Having damage to the joints is nothing to be ashamed of. I have a tear in my hip joint and initially felt that l would be unable to exercise freely again due to the pain. I also have tendinitis in my left knee so I am aware of how painful and potentially debilitating such conditions can be. As the physio highlighted up thread, strength training working on the surrounding muscles and joints has massively improved my mobility and ability to work out regularly. It doesn’t need to be anything crazy to begin with – lightweight or even body weight only strength workout will really benefit you.

I appreciate that in this moment you feel down and fed up with both yourself and your body. But do not lose sight of the massive achievement of losing all that weight. You are doing brilliantly and your progress so far should serve as an inspiration and motivation to you to continue on this path.

Think of it this way - a hell of a lot of slim, sporty people also end up needing early knee replacements due to marathon running, tennis, football, aerobics, dance, etc. And there are also plenty of people who are very overweight whose knees hold up fine - luck is a big part of this. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Through a combination of factors, including sheer bad luck, you might have a bit of knee damage - but so do millions of other people.

What you need to focus on is the fact that you've lost a truly astonishing amount of weight, which will have made a remarkable difference to your health and shows incredible determination.That's a brilliant achievement.

Please don't go down this path, you should feel immensely proud of yourself.

When I was 35 I was diagnosed with womb cancer. There is no history of cancer in my family. I immediately decided it was punishment for my years of hedonism. I confided in my friend. She told me she couldn't get pregnant because she drank as a teenager. I told her that was ridiculous. She raised her eyebrows at me and I heard the irony of it.

Who knows what caused what and who is to 'blame'? We all do our best in the moment. You can't change the past. Applaud yourself for your amazing achievement. That is a serious amount of weight loss. Enjoy it.

No-one's body is 'disgusting'. No-one's.

Don't be too hard on yourself, OP.
Many of us do daft things with our young bodies! Smoking, drinking, gaining weight, running around in ridiculous heels, playing sports that take a massive toll on us physically and not allowing for recovery time.
Youth is full of mistakes and fumbles - actually I'm 37 and still making daft choices like trail racing with zero training and a dodgy hip! 😂
You've done brilliantly to lose the weight you've lost and you're still on that healing journey. You can do things to protect and strengthen your other joints, and if you do need a knee replacement at 60, so be it.
You'll have the replacement and then keep on living a wonderful, rich life that you can be proud of and clearly have the discipline and determination to achieve ❤️

And again, honestly, there are very many of us who looked awful at various ages because of things we've done to ourselves. My teeth suck, for example, because I drink staining drinks. I'm chubby, and I really don't wear it well (and I have been chubby at various points of my life including in my 20s). My hair sucks, because I'm no good at looking after it.

Again, this is not something you can change now - the damage caused - but focus on what you can do from now. Can you save money for surgery, if the loose skin bothers you? Have you looked into what else you can do about it? Can you learn how to dress to hide it? Focus on what you can do, not what you can't.

Well done on the weight loss so far and also for having a positive attitude regarding your health. Too many who are overweight are in denial etc so please do not feel ashamed.
Keep up with the weight loss and focus on your future health, not where you were previously 💐

Mine was then and it is now. I’ve gone from being huge, to being wrinkly

Plenty of people have iffy knees, my friend, without the weight gain.

Give yourself a break. You’ve done brilliantly to get this far.

Can I ask why you ended up so obese at such a young age? Were you obese as a child? Did you have mental health problems? Emotional issues, trauma perhaps? I just feel like there must've been a reason, and examining the cause might help you to feel better about yourself if you are able to give your past self some compassion.

In any case, You've done AMAZINGLY to lose all that weight. It's an incredible achievent. And yes, you've caused yourself some damage to your body, but so has anyone who's ever smoked, drank heavily, sunbathed, even slim people who eat unhealthily are storing up problems for the future... people who've injured themselves by taking silly risks... So you're certainly not alone in that regard, and no need to feel ashamed. Onwards and upwards!

You sound amazing, to turn your life around like that. There will be little bumps in the road as you adapt, but that's all they are. It's time to start focusing on what your body can do, instead of what it looks like, getting to the top of a hill, couch to 5k etc are all things open to you now and you'll pleasantly surprise yourself.

FWIW I have rheumatoid arthritis, I'd had joint replacements before I was 40 and I have a very normal and active life now. These treatments are wonderful, not a sign of failure, but a sign that medical people want to help you live life to the full.

Are you having counselling?

Shame is really difficult to combat but if anything, you should be really proud of yourself.

I’m a lot older, 69, and have just had 2 knee replacements within 5 months of each other. Although I was diagnosed with osteoarthritis, it was mainly due to being overweight for most of my adult life. My knees started being a problem after my third pregnancy in 1989 but I coped for years on over the counter pain killers then prescription ones then steroid injections in my late 40s. The X-rays showed I had some bone on bone issues but I was told I was too young for knee replacements and that I needed to lose weight.

I soldiered on but it impacted on my social life and I was in a lot of pain. I put off seeking further help until I was 65 as I had a fear of the surgery following the death of two close relatives after knee and hip replacements but it got to the point where I had to start the process. Again I was told to lose weight, was 19 stone at this point and eventually I lost almost 4 stone and plucked up the courage to agree to surgery.

It was honestly the best thing I did! I had my first replacement in Dec 2025 which went really well I recovered fairly quickly so had my other knee replaced in Mat 2026. This second surgery was more complex due to the damage and my recovery has been tough due to suffering really bad lower back pain while my body adjusts to my new way of walking but once that’s sorted, I’ll be living the lifestyle in retirement that I dreamt of.

i know you are very young and need to put off surgery as long as possible. Have you had steroid injections, they do work for some people as a shortish term solution and I know people who have then quite often to delay the surgery. You could also try knee braces as that can support your knees and I also suggest seeing a physio as it’s important to keep the muscles around your knee strong. I hope you’ve been prescribed decent painkillers, they will also help.

Try to stop blaming yourself, you know what’s happened but unfortunately it’s very hard to reverse the damage and blaming yourself will not really help. Hard I know. Medical technology is changing all the time, when my mum had her knee replacements 20 years ago, the implants tended to only last got about 10 years, now the titanium ones can last over 20 years - it’s possible that they will invent even better ones before long. A lot of people are now offered them when in the late 40s or early 50s whereas I was told I needed to wait until I was 70!

Have you been offered skin removal to get rid of the wrinkles? Apologies if that’s a daft question but I do know that people who lose a lot of weight like you go on to have the surplus skin removed. I guess that’s difficult though to get on the NHS.

Find good physio and work on bulding muscles around knee to help.

Some people have genetically poor joints. Focus on things you can improve and the amazing changes you have made.

I was chubby as a child, but I piled on the weight when I went to university. I actually lost 50lbs when I was in school because I had an eating disorder, I went to uni a size 14-16 and came back at the end of my first year a size 22. I just ballooned from there. I’m short too, so that doesn’t help!

Lots of people have knee replacements at 60 for a range of reasons. And by the time you get there, the advances in surgery will be exponential. Don't beat yourself up. You are doing brilliantly.

I wasn't overweight when I was younger, but started with inflammatory arthritis in my 40s, I was still very active, and managed to lead a normal active life into my 60s, I am now about 17 stone at age 75, and struggling to lose weight. I cannot stress hard enough that strengthening exercises and exercises for your joints can really improve the situation, I had one knee replacement at age 66, which was marvelous, but I have since realised that a lot more can be done through exercise. I wasn't offered much in the way of physical therapy or exercise by the NHS, but since having time to research these things, I have found loads of exercises on line, which I can do at home, or from home, Nordic walking with poles is helping me with my mobility, rather than using a stick or walking frame. Don't waste any time, worrying about past mistakes, start now, doing what you can. A slimmer appearance helps your confidence, but your mobility is vital!

My sister had knee surgery in her late 50s because of a scuba diving incident ten years earlier. She's slim, fit and yet she needed the surgery.

Congratulations on your fantastic weight loss. My daughter managed it, gradually and is glowing now. It took about 2 years for her to lose the weight and the benefits are delightful to see.

That weight loss is amazing!

And really I imagine many of us have done damage in some way to ourselves. Drinking, drunk accidents (me) smoking, not exercising, eating shit, not looking after teeth perfectly and skin etc, sun burn... The list goes on and on.

Give yourself some grace.
If it had been both physically and psychologically possible for you to not gain the weight, or lose it sooner you would have.
We do the best we can for ourselves with the tools we have at the time.
Its built in. No swerves. Human condition.
You have found yourself now in a position where you can lose the weight. You are in a different state than you were in the past. For a variety of reasons. See.. different tools!
Hating your past self, who had different tools is a bit pointless and quite unkind.

Also yes, you might have knee replacements at 60. Its not a difficult or dangerous operation. You might also wear glasses at 40, lots of people do. Some body failures are genetic, some are lifestyle, some caused by accidents. You dont know which cards you'll be dealt. Could be you would have needed them anyway. Im on the waiting list for a hip replacement mid 50s.. no idea why I got osteoarthritis. Im not going to go back over my life picking at it though.
Im going to do the best I can, today, with the tools I've got.

You haven’t ruined your future. Lots of people have knee ops and it’s normal to make a full recovery. Be proud of what you have achieved. Would you be so hard on a good friend who was in your position? I bet you wouldn’t, so try to be kinder to yourself.

Just keep up the good work and don't worry about posdible knee trouble. I'm over 70 and several of my friends have had knee or hip replacements even if they have led healthy active lives. Lose that last bit of weight and enjoy the many healthy years ahead of you.