To think I should be able to take my daughter on holiday

[jj3457]

Hi everyone. I know some people may not like this, but I am a dad posting, just looking for some advice.

I told my ex I would like to take our daughter (3) on holiday to spain for 5 days with me and my mum.

Now this is where I messed up, and I will hold my hands up. I was dishonest when I told her I would be going with my mum. We will actually be going with my partner who my ex hasn’t met. I know this was a stupid lie but I was just worried my ex wouldn’t give consent for the holiday if she knew who was actually going.

To make matter worse, my ex has now found out that my mum is actually going to Florida for 2 weeks at the time I said she was coming to Spain with us.

My ex has messaged to say that she will not be handing over the passport until I give explicit details about the travel. I know that once I tell her I’m going with my partner she will refuse to consent. The holiday is booked and paid for.

I know I’m in the wrong for being dishonest but I am on the birth certificate and have as much right as she does to take her on the holiday. My ex has taken her abroad several times before and this is my first time.

what can I do if my ex refuses to give consent?

thanks

Here's what I would do.

Hold your hands up and say you've been an idiot, you thought she wouldn't approve so missed out the bit about your girlfriend being there.

Apologise and don't get drawn into an argument.

Provide the details your ex wants (flight details, location etc).

Give your ex the opportunity to meet with your girlfriend so she knows that the woman who is going to be spending time with her daughter isn't a monster.

It's a shame that the child is stuck in the middle, but this is often the case. I do wish parents wouldn't play these games, it's always the child that suffers. 🙄

OP i was kind of in agreement with you until you said your ex doesn't even know you have a girlfriend. Why? Your daughter has been spending time with her, the mum should know out of courtesy.

I lie to my ex often, because her reactions are unreasonable and abusive. There is no co parenting, just her having her own way.

You don't need her permission to take child away if you have parental responsibility

I'd seriously doubt he's doing any parenting, child isn't even 4 and the girlfriend was introduced and been seeing her (probably eow) regularly for 18 months. He can't even take the child on holiday on his own.

Struggling to understand why your new gf would want to go away with your 3 year old tbh. It’s a completely different proposition to a couples holiday. Does she have kids that are going too?

So you hardly ever see her but still didn't book a holiday for just the two of you?

Did it even occur to you to go without your gf?

Because by the sounds of it she's been put into the role of third parent by this child's father since the child was barely 2. It doesn't sound like he ever has the child by himself.

The holiday plan was very reasonable, if you'd been upfront about it.

The lying makes it all seem really suspicious and as if there's some reason you couldn't be honest about who this woman is and had to say your mum instead. I'm sure your girlfriend is fine, but this is such a big thing to be sneaky about that it makes it look as if she isn't. If your wife was going to be a cow about it you should have just let her and kept your own behaviour in check. As it stands now you're the one who's behaved really badly, and for no good reason.

Lying about who your kid is with, especially when out of the country, is a very big line to cross. I'd really struggle to trust anyone who did this to me.

You were silly to lie.

have you ever spent 2/3/4/5 days alone with dd in the UK or are you a one night a week dad for example

that makes a diff as well

5 days and nights away from mum the primary carer is a lot at 3

let alone in a foreign county and hotel room

A night every other weekend is a bit different to a week 24/7 though.

So your DD has been spending time with your DP without your ex's knowledge?

My point being he clearly expects her to come to parent the child because he can't do it by himself even for a few nights a month let alone a whole week in one go.

I wouldn't want my child going away with an adult I had never met tbh.

It is an option. The gf doesn’t go just because she’s booked doesn’t mean she has to go or she goes and you grovel and see if you take your daughter on a UK holiday.

You should have just been honest, and then made a court application if DD’s mum had refused to give consent.

Also top tip. If you’ve not holidayed with your child before maybe start off in the U.K. where you can always come home early easily if it all goes to shit.

Also no passport drama with the other parent.

You should really have posted this in legal.

If your ex refuses to consent you should apply for a specific issue order. The fact you lied won't help, but you would have a good chance of success.

You need to grow up and try to have a mature relationship with your ex. You should have told her you had a girlfriend and you shouldn’t have lied about the holiday.

You’ve put your ex in a really difficult position.

Well tell her! You need to have a bit more courage and honesty in all of this - integrity is probably the word I want.

Not a bad shout tbh. And a holiday without flying can be easier with a tiny child.

Jan 2025 or Jan 2026? How long have you been together?

In fact it kind of makes it worse that he only has one night in 14 but the girlfriend is there on that one night!

In less than a week?

Your ex has no right to prevent you taking your DD on holiday with your GF, and it's just as her much her business that you have a GF, as it is your business that she has a BF.

I would imagine the posters being narky would tell you to MYB if you posted the same scenario about her.

You lied because you knew she'd be difficult about it, which although not ideal, isn't entirely your fault.

Email her giving the details of the holiday - flight times, transfer arrangements, hotel/resort details, which should have been done at booking anyway. You don't need to go into who you're going with - you are responsible for your DD, no one else.

Make it clear that if she refuses to allow you access to the child's passport, you will seek legal immediate advice.

Hope you all have a great time.

He can and what judge will give @jj3457 permission when lied to take the child out of the country with a stranger? Worse for him if stranger is also booked to stay in the same room as the child.

If he wants more rights, he should have 50/50 instead of half the weekends.

You can’t be fucking serious here?

If you were a good father you would be grateful that your child’s mother is actively wanting to know who is going to be around her child and in her child’s life.

You sound incredibly immature and selfish. And it’s clear you don’t have your child’s best interests at heart. How depressing.