To think I should be able to take my daughter on holiday

[jj3457]

Hi everyone. I know some people may not like this, but I am a dad posting, just looking for some advice.

I told my ex I would like to take our daughter (3) on holiday to spain for 5 days with me and my mum.

Now this is where I messed up, and I will hold my hands up. I was dishonest when I told her I would be going with my mum. We will actually be going with my partner who my ex hasn’t met. I know this was a stupid lie but I was just worried my ex wouldn’t give consent for the holiday if she knew who was actually going.

To make matter worse, my ex has now found out that my mum is actually going to Florida for 2 weeks at the time I said she was coming to Spain with us.

My ex has messaged to say that she will not be handing over the passport until I give explicit details about the travel. I know that once I tell her I’m going with my partner she will refuse to consent. The holiday is booked and paid for.

I know I’m in the wrong for being dishonest but I am on the birth certificate and have as much right as she does to take her on the holiday. My ex has taken her abroad several times before and this is my first time.

what can I do if my ex refuses to give consent?

thanks

You’ve already lied and this has rightly led to suspicion and tension: I would be very wary about a three year old going away with you at this point.
my ex dh once refused to give me any travel details so I stopped my young children going. Court backed my decision, I was given residency and all details were to be provided from then on. These are little children who can’t advocate for themselves and your lying from the start it doesn’t sit well

so let me get this

• you have a holiday booked in less than a week
• you have lied to your dd's mother that you are going with your partner (that they havent met) instead of your mother

and now you are asking for views on it? Is this a reverse as quite frankly I'm not sure what you are expecting?

He lied because he knew the ex would be difficult about him going on holiday with his DD AND his partner. He was right. She was OK with him going with his mother!

He is as entitled to go on holiday with his partner and take his DD with him as his ex is! The GF is not a stranger to him or his DD.

WTAF!

You absolutely do need the permission of the other parent to take your child out of the country, unless you have a 'lives with' order.

To those saying take her to court, the holiday is less than a week away, so that won't be happening.

Safeguarding concerns will put a stop to taking such a young child abroad. I expect the mother to refuse permission, so he can not take the child.

This is a really good suggestion.
Polite and friendly.
X

You are completely wrong.

You've clearly not even read the OP properly, nethermind the rest of his posts. He’s STILL not told her that it’s with his partner, she isn’t saying he can’t take DD away with his partner (that he’s lied to her about for 18 months), she’s saying she’s not handing the passport over without knowing who he is going with because he’s lied and his keeping it secret. She’s literally just safeguarding her child which is her job. And yes she will probably say no if he does tell her he has a partner that’s going because he’s been lying for nearly half their kids life.

To be honest you sound such a crap parent and so untrustworthy that you should probably have your access to your daughter removed altogether and only have 100% supervised access when your ex gives her permission, never mind taking her abroad for 5 days!
This would, in all likelihood, be the best approach for all father/children relationships, where parents are separated, as all men are so shit!

To be fair, this is immaterial. If OP takes it to court, your not having met her won't be considered a valid point. They will only be concerned with actual risks and safeguarding.

Of course, taking it to court is waaaaay too late for this year's holiday so it seems that the child won't be going anyway. But the GF never has to meet the ex.

This guy is a moron but your post looses all credibility when you claim that no separated men should be allowed to parent their children, that’s just stupid.

Even if he had the passport without a court order the mother could still hamper the flight. Probably with good reason.

I fail to see how the daughter can have a good relationship with the gf though when dad only has her 6 times a month. Surely the gf isn’t there everytime…

@jj3457 do you live with your mother by any chance and that’s why she was ok with the holiday if your mum was there.

You need legal advice I think. You've obviously fucked up but the whole arrangement seems a bit strange. Not sure how your ex can withhold the passport if the holiday is booked.

I missed this when I replied

but even more so my reply stands

so you have her 1/2 nights every 14 days

5 nights abroad is too much first time for dd to be away from her mum

The problem is he DOESN'T have the right to take the child out of the country without permission. The child does not live with him.

He's not taking her to Centre Parks, he's trying to take her out of the country with an unrelated adult that the child's mother (parent she does live with) didn't even know existed. GF could be a trafficker for all HE knows.

He doesn't have her 6 times a month. There's nothing to suggest the mum is unreasonable. She actually said he could go on the holiday but she would need full details of the holiday. Unfortunately the fuckwit told her lies.

But a person of integrity wouldn’t like just because they thought the other person would be “difficult”. That’s incredibly manipulative.

He needs to have the courage of his convictions and play it straight.

Hold on a minute you've been hiding a girlfriend for years (atleast i hope you'd know her for more than 6 months before introducing her to your dd) and actively lieing about who was spending time with your dd for 18 months and are now lieing about who you're taking her on holiday with and now your trying to blame all your lies on your ex being difficult.

You have much bigger problems than just this holiday as your ex has more than enough reason to raise massive safeguarding concerns with the crt about you having any unsupervised access to a small child who you are teaching to keep secrets from her mum and primary carer, which btw puts your daughter at huge risk of being groomed and abused. The lies and secrecy could also be considered parental alienation.
You need to forget the holiday and start trying to save your relationship with your dd by sitting her mum down and telling her everything apologise for all thr lies without putting any blame on her and then arranging for her to meet your girlfriend asap.
When this comes back infront of a judge you are going to get your arse handed to you especially if you keep blaming the mum and calling her difficult

No, he has her 1 night in 14, and one additional day in 14 - no sleepover.

More lies.

Even if he had the passport the ex can stop the trip because he doesn’t have her permission to leave the country with the child.

One call to the right place and all ports and airports would stop them leaving as well as being able to cancel the passport.

Because without permission it’s considered abduction.

I think a reset is needed. Go on holiday without your daughter. Then try and talk to your ex and sort out your differences. Whatever is behind your split, you both owe it to your daughter not to be too difficult with each other, this includes her potential issue of you having a g/f, and you lying about important things.

Work on parenting together, clearly, openly and perhaps next year the holiday may take place? I think it's screwed for this year as it's so soon and will create more issues going forward if you fight it. You screwed up, own it this time.

I was thinking eow 2 days and 1 day on the other weekends. So 6. Unless I read wrong 😅

Im on the mums side here anyway. His an idiot who lied got caught and wants to try and weasel his way out of it.

@jj3457 says she sleeps over every other weekend - but is that a Fri and sat so 2 nights or one of the nights

the other weekend he sees her during day

so sounds like he sees his daughter every weekend for least one day +